


dreams don't turn to dust.

by junfhongs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Scandal!AU, onesided!Luhan/Suho, side!Kyungsoo/Xiumin, side!Suho/anonymous Canadian person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 54,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7306861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scandal!AU. there is hope in Lu Han's eyes, and so Yixing believes. there is hope in Yixing's words, and so Lu Han follows blindly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dreams don't turn to dust.

After years of tension and small outbreaks of defiance, the Middle East finally cut all ties with the rest of the world, keeping their oil and resources to themselves. The rest of the world went into a massive economic crisis, but that didn't mean that they were the only ones suffering. The Middle Easterners were cut off from all the resources that they were receiving from the other nations of the world.

Despite everyone's struggles, some nations truly crumbled after the chaos and riots ruined their cities and their people's spirits. The skies were black as some nations had to result to an absolute nightmare: martial law with a "kill anyone at sight" mindset. Bombs were dropped, and soon those planes crossed borders, dropping their load on other nations in hopes that whatever's left of their lands would be given to their neighbors.

It was terrifying, barbaric, possibly the darkest time in the history of the world. No one, not even history teachers or anyone who was unluckily alive at that time, ever spoke of it.

China was completely ruined by their own people, everyone rising up to get more than the meager rations that the government could provide them without starving to death as well. They all lived like vultures, stealing and taking from the dead.

It took a huge surge from the government and a lot of help from other countries who had some semblance of control over their people and their land for China to regain the grip it had over its people. As soon as the world gained stability again, surviving countries formed a new United Nations, stronger and stricter when it came to maintaining peace and balance.

China rebuilt slowly, taking the offered aid from the United States in good faith. They started to flourish again with a complete reboot of their government and their systems. Older generations revolted and despised the new leaders of the nation, but the more open-minded ones were the people who thrived on the government's new plans.

The cities that they were able to build were massive, skyscrapers that looked as if they were touching the clouds from below, wide streets and long highways that connect the cities to each other. It was picturesque in the cities, and everything looked so perfect.

But the provinces were different. People were starving everywhere, working hard with the industry that was forced onto them by the government. Those who wanted to rebel against New China were forced to live in those faraway places, to slave away and pray that they meet the quota of goods that they had to produce for the government.

Families were tightly-knit, as they always have been, but children were always expected to inherit whatever land their ancestors have had for years. It was difficult, having a hard life planned out for you before you were even born, but most didn't have a choice and weren't strong enough to fight against the expectations of the world for you.

Those who did were disowned, shunned away from their family, and sent packing to whichever city they wanted to go to. They dropped their surnames in connection to their family and took it as a mere formality, a title with no actual meaning. It was shameful to the family that they left behind, but they chose to leave all of that for a better life, a life that they probably won't achieve anyway.

Life was not as simple as they expected it to be, but as the world recovered and life started to go on, it proved to get harder and harder as more time passed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lights shining on him don't stop Lu Han from smiling brightly, waving at the crowd gathered in front of his organization's building. He would have chosen a more public setting, somewhere with a larger area for the crowd to gather, a bigger stage, a grander image. But the building solidifies his image as one of the youngest CEOs of a huge non-profit organization, and it's an image that Lu Han's proud of, an image he knows how to work with. People from all walks of life, from the rich people of Ring Two to the barely-surviving men and women from Ring Six, would like him.

As he steps onto the podium and delivers the speech they wrote with ease and grace, Yixing and Joonmyun watch from beside the huge stage. "Is he doing well?" Joonmyun asks, brushing a strand of his dark hair away from his forehead.

"He is." Yixing nods at the small gestures that Lu Han's making, a small pointer that Yixing gave him in their practice sessions. He also told him not to seem too perfect, too fabricated. _Slouch a little, sway and turn to the audience while you're talking. Don't be afraid to smile, but not too much. You know your face does that thing that makes you look sixty-four instead of thirty-two._

Yixing turns his head slightly, looking at the audience. It's not that big, possibly just a little over a thousand. Lu Han's officially announcing his candidacy for senator and this is a big deal. The bigger, the better, but the building has to be there. They really need Lu Han to put himself out there as the CEO of a philanthropic organization. It makes him look approachable despite his wealth, and the fact that he started the organization when he was twenty-one and a struggling student in university is even better.

 _"'A Young Man with Big Dreams: the biography of Lu Han.'_ _Wouldn't that be a lovely thing to see twenty years from now?"_ Yixing asked Lu Han when they first appeared on the doorstep of his office, two months away from this event right now. Yixing remembers that day clearly.

 

 

 

He was on the phone with Zitao and Jongin; he sent them out to watch over their latest client, a businessman with a sketchy record that was about to be exposed by an unhappy ex-employee. The surveillance cameras that Sehun hacked were useful, but there's no harm in having two men on the field, watching out for anything else. They were facing the possibility of their client sending out a few men to dispose of the ex-employee, and none of them wanted more blood on his hands. The job was to clean up the issue, not make it worse.

Jongdae was beside him, forcing him to eat even a little. Yixing's always had a problem with taking care of himself, and it's Jongdae's job as his right-hand man to help him with any jobs they had and to handle his own client: a very stubborn Zhang Yixing.

There was a knock on the door. Sehun groaned from his little room at the end of the corridor. "I'm not opening that door!" he yelled.

Jongdae pushed him out of his chair haughtily, pretending not to notice Yixing's withering glare directed towards him. Yixing fixed his hair as he walked to the front door, checking who it was through the security camera they installed in the hallway as a precaution.

He didn't expect to see his old roommate, a famous philanthropist, successful and rich, not needing to do dirty jobs for guilty people. "Lu Han," Yixing whispered, trying to tidy himself up a bit more before he opened the door.

"Lu Han!" he exclaimed, pulling him into a hug as soon as he opened the door. Lu Han seemed to appreciate the warm welcome, but a cough from behind him made him stiffen and gently pull away from Yixing's embrace. Yixing brushed it away and stepped back as well.

"Come in. I'm sure an important man like you would have a good reason for showing up on my doorstep all of a sudden." Yixing led them into his office, raising an eyebrow at Jongdae as a silent inquisition. Jongdae stood up at the sight of Lu Han.

"I-is that... Lu Han?" he asked, a huge grin spreading on his face. Yixing chuckled and stopped at the doorway to their conference table.

"Lu Han, this is my right-hand man, Jongdae. Besides his obsession with getting me to eat--"

"Which I can see you haven't been doing in a while," Lu Han admonished.

"--he also has a strange infatuation with you." Yixing smiled sweetly at Jongdae as the younger man choked and tried to hide behind his chair.

"I'm quite irresistible. It's alright to like me." Lu Han winked at Jongdae and was about to continue the teasing when the smaller man behind him coughed again and motioned towards Yixing's office. Yixing smiled politely, not really liking this little killjoy in Lu Han's crew.

They sat at the posh leather chairs, Lu Han and his assistant admiring the beautiful view of the city that his office had. Ring Five of Beijing wasn't as fancy as Ring Three where he knew Lu Han's organization was situated, but the brick buildings and tight roads had their own charm, and Yixing loved the floor that he was able to rent. Yixing knew he chose the right place to house his firm.

"So, tell me, what's the scandal?" Yixing crossed his arms in front of his chest as Lu Han and the assistant stared at him. "Come on. What's the bad story I have to clean up? You're here for that, right?"

The assistant shakes his head quickly. "No, no, no. We'd like to hire you as our PR manager."

"Why? Your PR team is doing a great job of making you seem like an almighty, pure and generous organization. You don't need me." Yixing read enough articles of the organization donating another million dollars for typhoon victims or funding a project to save the businesses of working people somewhere far away. They certainly didn't need Yixing to make them look any better than they already do.

"It's not for the organization, Yixing," Lu Han answered. "It's for my campaign. My campaign to run for senator."

Yixing's jaw dropped. "You're serious? You aren't fucking with me here?"

"I'm not!" Lu Han stood up and stayed beside Yixing. "Think of it, Yixing. Think of all the good press you could work with. I have a philanthropic organization, a good number of academic achievements, and a good-looking family under my belt. Do you understand how easy your few months will be? All you have to do is build on the good framework that I have on my image."

"And then after that, I have to deal with all the rumors of you being obsessed with gambling, of five or so women claiming that their child is yours since you sleep around so much, of angry ex-employees releasing some statements about money going from the organization's bank account straight into yours." Yixing shook his head. "Lu Han, you're about to embark in the most exhausting venture of your life. The campaigning is nearly as hard as being a senator itself."

"We've talked about the risks before. He knows what he's going into," the assistant said. His hands were shaking slightly, a sign that he was nervous. It made Yixing feel bad. He was trying to show that he wanted to help Lu Han, but there were so many risks that Lu Han may or may not have been aware of.

"I'm sorry, but I never got your name," said Yixing, smiling politely at the dark-haired man in a designer suit.

"I'm Kim Joonmyun, a board director and also Lu Han's chief of staff." They shook hands.

"So you're his babysitter?" Yixing teased. Lu Han hit his arm playfully and scowled.

"Essentially, that's my job." Joonmyun smiled at him and sat back down. "Back to the issue at hand, we need your help, Yixing. From the very beginning, Lu Han insisted to have you on his team. I didn't know why; I couldn't find anything about you or your firm. But then he explained your... _cleaning job,_ and I instantly understood why he sought out for you. We need someone with your cunning on our team. We can only plan ahead blindly for so long."

"And you assume that my presence on your team, my _crew's_ presence, must I remind you, will help you win this thing?" Yixing poured himself a glass of whiskey, offering one to Lu Han before Joonmyun coughed loudly. Lu Han must have been in some sort of lockdown from alcohol and his usual need for physical contact, even in the completely harmless way.

"Yes," Lu Han answered plainly. "Joonmyun, could you leave the room for a while? Yixing and I need to talk."

Joonmyun stood up with a sigh. "Please consider our offer, Yixing. We need your help."

They always said that. They need his help, his expertise and quick thinking, and then they pay him and leave. Yixing was used to it, way too used to it. Lu Han's his good friend, but that won't stop Yixing from treating him as a mere client with a crisis of his own.

"So remember when we were in university and I started the outreach programs?" Lu Han started, finally deciding to grab a glass of whiskey and take a long sip. Yixing nodded, placing his hand on Lu Han's wrist and putting the glass on his table. Lu Han scowled at him and finished the contents of the glass.

"I didn't expect the organization to happen, and now I'm here. I didn't expect any of this to happen, and now I want it." He took Yixing's hand in his. "I need your help, Yixing. I need you."

"I..." Yixing stopped for a moment, trying to restrain himself from falling for Lu Han's desperation act. He needed to stay level-headed and professional. He needed Lu Han to _let go of his damn hand._

"What makes you a good candidate? What's stopping me from seeing an image of you in a casino next week or a scandal breaking out from nowhere? I handle crises, sure, but I don't want to support a walking mess," Yixing questioned, discreetly sliding his hands away from Lu Han's to gain some semblance of control over his emotions. Lu Han loved to touch, and a brief memory of warm hands roaming over the planes of Yixing's pale skin crossed Yixing's mind. The mere thought had Yixing suppressing a shiver, gripping the edge of the desk that he was leaning on.

"Joonmyun told me to sober up. He took away the alcohol, the gambling, the girls and guys," Yixing narrowed his eyes a bit at that, "even the occasional cigarettes. I'm as clean as I could ever be. I feel empty, boring and safe, but I'm doing this because I want to do better. I want to be better."

Yixing motioned towards the couch, and Lu Han took a seat without hesitation, eager eyes searching for Yixing's warm honey brown. He didn't get any of that. What he got was a pair of cold eyes judging him, calculating the probability of win or loss in his mind, and Lu Han saw himself as an item being appraised on a pedestal all of a sudden. This was what Yixing wanted. He needed to be in control.

"Why do you want this, Lu Han? What's your motive? Money? Fame? Or power?" _None of the above,_ he knew Lu Han would answer. Lu Han wasn't like that when they were younger, and he didn't expect Lu Han to change that part of himself, the good part of himself, all of a sudden.

"I'm... I'm not the best. I'm not the man who can change the world or anything. But I'm sick and tired of this world. I'm sick and tired of watching people suffer and trying to help them, even if I know that nothing will change if people keep robbing from them, with or without their knowledge of it. I'm smart enough to see past the lies of the men and women leading us and I know, _I know,_ that I can do better. I am better than all those people causing the suffering that others are going through. I want to change things."

 _So idealistic, like a child just waiting for his dreams to be ruined,_ Yixing thought. And then Yixing realized that that is what's so admirable admirable about Lu Han: his optimism, his bright disposition, the hope still sparkling in his eyes. He spent his young adult life building an organization that lives to help people, and it's the gigantic representation of Lu Han's genuine character of altruism.

Lu Han was the light in the middle of a deadly storm, the beam of radiant hope that wanted to pull everyone into the new world. Yixing loved that about him.

"You do realize that you're never going to change things, right?" A glass of whiskey for Yixing; an exasperated sigh from Lu Han. "The world, despite your optimism and genuine hope, will not change at all. You're going to be just another man, just another person living his life. The best you can do is get the power and not abuse it. Did you _really_ expect anything?"

Lu Han stayed still, eyes trained on the floor. His fingers played with the seams on the leather couch, and he looked embarrassed. He looked like he was a little scared.

"But that power," Yixing tilted his chin up, "you can use it to do good. Others may have been destroyed by it, but I know that you won't. I know that at the end of the day, you'll still be the optimistic Lu Han that I've always known. You'll still be the man that everyone should want to be, the man that is more than just the money and the power. You can be you. You should stay you."

Lu Han smiled up at him, muscles relaxing at the gentle press of Yixing's fingers against his skin. Softly, slowly, he stood up and rose to his full height. Yixing placed his hands on Lu Han's shoulders. "I'm in. I'm going to help you," Yixing announced, and the words brought a wave of relief to Lu Han.

"Thank god," he exhaled.

"'A Young Man with Big Dreams: the biography of Lu Han.' Wouldn't that be a lovely thing to see twenty years from now?" Yixing smiled at Lu Han.

"It would be amazing," answered Lu Han. For once, Lu Han didn't take a step back or break their intense stare. He lifted his hands to reach out and cup Yixing's neck. They stood like that, touching intimately and staring straight into each other's eyes, looking deep into them as if searching for the other's soul.

"Do you remember our days together at university?" Lu Han grinned at Yixing and they both laughed.

"Of course I remember all the trouble we got into," said Yixing. "I remember all the parties and drinking and sex. Those were the best years of my life, and I shared them with you."

Lu Han's smile softened, and his thumb stroked idly at Yixing's neck. Yixing sighed, closing his eyes for a second to savor the warm touch. Lu Han always knew that his neck was sensitive, and it had been a while since he felt his body go into overdrive just because of a minute movement.

"All the fun we had..." Lu Han inched just a bit closer, "I'll never forget any of it."

A knock on the door forced them apart, though Yixing's skin was still tingling at the warmth lingering on it. Joonmyun entered, promptly ending their tender moment, and he stopped in front of them, eyebrow raised in inquisition.

"So? Have you made a decision?" Joonmyun's words were quick and professional, but Yixing felt the need. Yixing felt the desperation clawing out from within him, the frustration of not having a clear direction in what they're doing. Joonmyun was pushing Lu Han and telling him to strive forward, though neither of them knew which direction to take.

"I'm on your team," Yixing said, firm and confident. Walls were dropped and sighs were released. Joonmyun slouched a little bit, relaxed himself, realized that Yixing was going to be his partner for the next few months, and built a new set of walls around him. Yixing knew that Joonmyun was the type since the moment they first spoke. It was a skill that Yixing acquired over the years: the ability to judge someone in a moment's notice. It came in handy when he needed to assess his clients and their situations.

"We'll discuss your salary and other things later. Lu Han, go to the car first. I just have a few things to say to Yixing," ordered Joonmyun. A part of Yixing saw a man that was decades older than them, but he knew that Joonmyun was more or less his age. He felt older though, more exhausted than how he seemed to be. Lu Han took pride in surrounding himself with young, fresh people with bright ideas. Why did he choose to drag along someone who looked like the world was on his shoulders?

Lu Han left immediately, eager to start working. Joonmyun watched Yixing's effect on Lu Han take place, and he couldn't deny the spring in his step, the way he looked more alive than ever. Yixing watched him too, and in that moment, he knew that he wanted Lu Han to win. He wanted Lu Han to win this election, and it was up to him to lead Lu Han to that direction.

"Do you see that?" Joonmyun said quietly. "That's what you do to him." He turned to face Yixing. "That's how much you influence him. You make him want to believe in himself again. You make him focus again. You give him the strength that he's lost after all these years."

Joonmyun sighed. "And it scares me," he admitted. "You see the effect you have on him. And I'm afraid that you might lead him to do something that he'll regret, something we don't need in this campaign. I've been doing my best to rein him back, stop him from doing anything that'll give him a bad image. I know it's taking a toll on him; that's what discipline does to you. I need you to promise me that you won't make him do anything he regrets. Don't tempt him. Don't touch him.

"He's so young. He's so young, and most people will see that as a weakness. Most people will see past this wall of maturity and humility, and only a few will see hope. Only a few will see that youth is not synonymous to incompetency, and only a few will see that it's a new age, the right age for new people to step up. You understand what I'm saying, Yixing. I know you do."

Yixing nodded. "I understand. I know how to deal with a crisis. I know how to deal with someone whose image is malleable, and I know how to turn that into an advantage. I'll take care of the campaign, Joonmyun. I need you to take care of _him._ "

They nodded and shook hands. "Agreed," Joonmyun said. With that, they left Yixing's office.

Jongdae stood up as soon as he saw Yixing. "Boss," he called out.

"How are the kids?" asked Yixing, jokingly referring to Zitao and Jongin.

"They're still in position. Everything seems to be going fine," reported Jongdae. Yixing took his coat from his usual chair at the conference table and put it on.

"I'll be gone all day. Don't wait up for me." Yixing started walking out before Jongdae grabbed his wrist.

"Why?" Jongdae asked him softly, concern in his eyes. Yixing didn't understand it.

"It's a client," Yixing answered, words simple and voice flat. Jongdae let go of his wrist hesitantly.

"Please don't overwork yourself. You always overwork yourself." Jongdae's concern was sweet, but Yixing didn't need it yet. What he needed was an idea of the situation that he was going to deal with for the next few months or so.

"I'll be fine. Please text me if anything happens. You know when it's note-worthy, Jongdae. You know when to call me." Yixing left with that, promising to take care of himself when he had the time. Which he didn't, especially not now. Not in the near future.

Lu Han and Joonmyun were already waiting in the car for Yixing. Lu Han's office was a little far from Yixing's, and they had to find a way to make Yixing more accessible for Lu Han and Joonmyun. Joonmyun was busy on his phone while Lu Han looked eager to talk to Yixing again.

"How are you, Yixing? How's the life of solving the elite's problems all the time?" Lu Han asked, moving to lean on the car door and face Yixing.

"It's quite exciting, actually. You think these people would learn from all the rumors of others messing up, but they seem to get worse and worse. Some are even regulars at our office, coming in every few months or so." Yixing chuckles at the thought of his highest-paying clients and how often they came to him with a new scandal under their belt.

"Well, managing crises seems to be more exciting than leading an organization. At least you have some action while all we do is brainstorm and throw money away to poor people," whined Lu Han. Yixing looked over at the passenger seat and saw Joonmyun nodding somberly.

"Why does everyone worship you though? You're so popular with many people, and now you're telling me that you don't really help out?" Yixing raised his eyebrow.

"I'm a friendly guy, Yixing. I've made a lot of friends in the press, and they always help out in making me look good."

Yixing chuckled. "I have connections too. Jongdae used to be a reporter, more of a researcher actually, but I recruited him for my firm. Now he's having a lot of fun stalking people for me." Lu Han laughed at that. "It's not as exciting as it sounds, Lu Han. Don't be deceived by how handling problems is portrayed on TV."

Lu Han sighed. "Whatever. I still think your job is cooler than mine."

They arrived at the building after a few minutes of silence. Yixing felt awkward to sit beside Lu Han and feel those knowing eyes looking at him, _staring_ at him. Lu Han must have known that he was uncomfortable, but a part of Yixing liked the attention. He liked to look up and smile at Lu Han and cherish the blush on his face, the way he slowly became awkward and uncomfortable as well.

"How's your staff situation in the office?" Yixing asked Joonmyun while they were going up the elevator.

"We have the basics: department managers and some volunteers to run them," reported Joonmyun. When the elevator doors opened, Yixing didn't expect a full crew to be there. An area was exceptionally busy, and Yixing assumed that that was the fundraising department.

"This is more than enough, Joonmyun. You've got a full campaign team here," said Yixing.

"That's good. I was worrying about needing more volunteers, but maybe we'll hire more when campaigning actually starts." Joonmyun led them into the back of the headquarters. Yixing noted Joonmyun's desk outside Lu Han's and the "Deputy Campaign Manager" on the plaque on it.

"Joonmyun?" Yixing asks softly. "Why are you only the 'Deputy Campaign Manager'? Are you telling me--"

"I wanted you as my campaign manager and consultant from the very beginning," Lu Han admitted. "Is that bad?"

Yixing shook his head, albeit hesitantly. "It's fine." Yixing glanced at the plaque again. "It's alright."

They took their seats at the couches in Lu Han's office. Yixing looked around and saw Lu Han everywhere, from the little memorabilias on the shelves to the soft carpet on the floor that reminded him of Lu Han's parents' house. Lu Han always liked to leave a little piece of himself on everything and everyone, and Yixing was no exception to that.

"Coffee?" Joonmyun offered to Yixing.

"Tea," answered Lu Han. "The same way that I like it."

Yixing looked at Lu Han, and they smiled at each other. "You never change, do you?" Yixing asks.

"I really like tea," was Lu Han's reply. Yixing chuckled and took the cup of tea from Joonmyun's hands. Some things really didn't change, like the way Lu Han sipped from his tea immediately and burned his tongue, causing Yixing to laugh and Joonmyun to sigh exasperatedly at him. It's obvious that Joonmyun was used to Lu Han being like this, and it helped to know that someone else was here to deal with Lu Han's antics.

Yixing tugged Joonmyun down to take a seat. Joonmyun looked tired, as usual, but Yixing saw that sparkle in his eyes. He was starting to get excited, starting to anticipate the late nights and frantic decision-making. He liked the thrill of battling a problem. _I should recruit him into my firm,_ Yixing thought to himself.

"So," started Yixing, "tell me what you want. There's a thousand ways we could do this, and I want to make everything clear before we really begin."

"I want a clean campaign. No smearing, no blackmailing, nothing. We're going to do this in a way that won't cause any problems for anybody," Lu Han said firmly.

"I agree," Joonmyun piped up. "In everything we do, we have to tell Lu Han. This is his candidacy at stake, and everyone's had enough of politicians faking their innocence. Lu Han is a good guy."

"I am a good guy," Lu Han repeated.

"I don't think you understand the game of politics, Lu Han. A little foul play is unavoidable, and you need to accept that," Yixing said calmly. Lu Han's youth was shining at that moment, and Yixing understood what Joonmyun was trying to say a while ago. They needed to hide all this naivety before others could exploit it and claim it as a weakness.

Lu Han sighed. "I trust you, Yixing. But I don't want to be a pawn in this game. I don't want to be just like every other candidate."

"You don't want this to ruin you," Yixing said simply.

"That's it. I don't want this to ruin me or change me. At the end of this thing, I still want to be me. I want to be Lu Han. I don't want to be the guy who bent over backwards just trying to win and failed in the end."

Yixing nodded, trying to hold himself back from throwing the truth at Lu Han. He'll understand on his own time.

"What else do you need?" asked Yixing.

"I need you to be honest and tell me what my chances are. As I am, will I win? Do I even have hope?" Lu Han looked down, humbling himself, hoping that Yixing would give him some good news instead of putting him down by telling the truth.

"Honestly?" Yixing said with a skeptical voice. He wanted to be encouraging, to assure Lu Han that this is a race instead of a futile chase. He also wanted to be truthful, to tell Lu Han that not everyone will love him and not everyone will care about him.

And yet those eyes looked up from the ground and stared into his. Yixing sat still for a few seconds, reading past the raw optimism and trying to see the core of the man before him. When everything is lost, when everything has been stripped away from him, the money and the fame and the facades he has to upkeep, is Lu Han the man he wants to be or the man he has to be?

"Honestly," Lu Han answered.

"You won't have any appeal to the general masses." _Truthful it is, then._ "You're a big shot city boy, and not everyone will like you for that. You don't know poverty. You don't know what it's like to be unsure if you're going to have anything to eat or not. You don't know anything about their lives, and even your charity or altruism doesn't show that you know their hardships. You're willing to help, sure, but to them, you're just another boy with a lot of money.

"And based on what you said about the press making you look good, so many people will despise you for the donations that never came, the hope they had that was suddenly taken away," answered Yixing.

"The press never fabricated anything! Everything they say I've done was true. They just make it look better, not by making me bigger, but by making the people smaller, poorer, more in need of what I have to offer," Lu Han defended.

"We have to change that. It's easy to get city people to like you; the masses are more important than them," Yixing mumbled. "You need to prove yourself by doing something that won't be magnified by the press. Bask in humility. People eat that up."

"That sounds like a good idea, but think of the cost. People donate to us because they hear things about the charity work that we do. If they don't hear anything, we don't get anything," Joonmyun countered.

"Joonmyun, we're much richer than what we actually have to be. It doesn't matter if we donate a few hundred sacks of rice to some provinces," Lu Han said calmly. "I trust you, Yixing. I understand what you want us to do. This is image-building, right?"

"Exactly. We have a lot of good things that we can work with, and I'm sure there's a lot of things we can improve on too. For now, we need to solidify this philanthropic image. Nobody can hate someone who gives so freely and delivers his promises," Yixing said.

In his mind, things were more systematic. He was always good at chess, even as a young child. He knew how to win, and he knew how to make others lose. It helped to know how to manipulate others in his job. Manipulation is a key skill in the game of politics too.

Yixing's phone rang suddenly. At the sight of Jongdae's name, Yixing stood up and answered the call. "What's going on?"

 _"Youngwoon killed the problem,"_ answered Jongdae. With those words only, Yixing was ready to explode in anger. He always, _always,_ hated it when clients disobeyed him, putting themselves into even more trouble than they already were.

Yixing sat back down in frustration. "Pick me up in Moon Tree headquarters. It's in Ring Three."

 _"Okay, boss."_ Jongdae hung up.

Yixing sighed at the curious looks that greeted him when he looked up. "Trouble at work?" asked Joonmyun.

"You said it," Yixing muttered. He pulled out a calling card from his wallet. "Here's my number. If anything happens, tell me. If you want to do something, tell me. I have to know everything that happens in this campaign for me to make sure that nothing goes tragically wrong."

Lu Han stood up with Yixing, quietly guiding him outside the office. "I'll lead you out. Come on," Lu Han offered. Yixing waved goodbye at Joonmyun before he and Lu Han walked to the elevator.

A few seconds of silence passed by them before Lu Han pulled Yixing towards him for a bone-crushing hug. Lu Han was steady and warm, and Yixing missed his presence for the past few years. He missed the easy way that Lu Han would reach out to touch him, and Yixing missed being able to pull him in too. He missed everything about Lu Han.

"I'm happy that you're doing this. I'm happy that you're starting to make these big decisions now," Yixing murmured, trying to pull away from Lu Han after noticing that they'd been hugging for five floors already.

"I'm happy to have you here again. I'm happy to know that you'll be holding my hand through all of this." Lu Han relaxed into the hug, and Yixing found his way out of the circle of his arms. It was comfortable, sure, but he made a promise to Joonmyun. He didn't want to be a distraction.

The elevator doors opened, and they went back to being Yixing and Lu Han, just two men living separate lives from each other. They still smiled at each other before Yixing went inside Jongdae's car and remembered the problem in his hands now.

"Take me to Youngwoon. Let's fix this," ordered Yixing. Jongdae followed wordlessly as usual, occasionally looking at Yixing as he drove through the streets of Ring Three into the tunnel leading to Ring Two.

Beijing was a massive city, rebuilt after World War Five, and it became the hub of everything in New China. Because of how huge it was, the city was separated into seven large areas called Rings. Ring One was the government's turf; Ring Two was where the rich and important lived; Ring Three was the place that everyone wanted to be in, from important company headquarters to public establishments like malls and parks. The quality of life decreased as the number increased, and it slowly became a system of life. People learned to stop rebelling and use their energy to work instead.

"We're here," Jongdae announced, slowly rousing Yixing to consciousness. Yixing rubbed his eyes and yawned, shaking himself to prepare for the scolding that he's going to have to do. A disadvantage of this job was always having to seem like he's hard, like he didn't have a heart. There's no space for sympathy when he's out there trying to clean up someone's mess.

Youngwoon was on his large leather couch, completely unfazed by Jongin, Zitao and Sehun standing in front of him, arms crossed in front of their chests as if they're ready to beat him up at a moment's notice. Yixing stormed into the living room, annoyed with the turn of events.

"I can't believe you, Youngwoon. Didn't we discuss this? Let _us_ deal with the problem while you keep your mouth shut and take care of yourself?" Yixing yelled. Youngwoon took a sip of his coffee calmly.

"I had nothing to do with his death. Maybe it really was his time to go," he answered. Sehun sighed loudly and dropped an envelope on the coffee table. Youngwoon opened it and saw pictures of his men entering the building and leaving it a few minutes later. He paled and slid the pictures back inside the envelope.

"We have proof. Give it up," said Jongin.

"Fine. I ordered some of my men to kill him just in case he decides to release the information even if you've negotiated with him already. It was a precaution," Youngwoon defended himself.

Yixing groaned in frustration. "It was a 'precaution' that's going to cause you even more problems now. He would have followed, Youngwoon. I've been doing this for way too long, and I know someone who's desperate. He was too desperate for money; he would have followed everything we said to the very letter if we gave him the right amount.

"Sehun, edit that tape. Make sure there's no evidence anywhere that they were there." Sehun nodded and left to go back to the office.

"Jongin, Zitao, does anyone know about the murder yet?" Both of them shook their head. "Clean up the scene. Make it look like a suicide. We'll discuss the story later. If you can, find those records and erase them. Let's end this problem now."

Yixing and Jongdae went out to finish the story, make sure that no one saw those men. At the end of the day, the man was said to have committed suicide, depressed after losing his job. Youngwoon had nothing to worry about and they got away with it quickly and cleanly.

Jongdae hugged Yixing from the side before he left the office. "Do I have to drive you home to make sure you actually go home?" he joked. Yixing laughed at him and shook his head.

"I'll be fine, Jongdae. Be safe." He waved as Jongdae walked out the door.

"You too," the younger man called back.

Yixing briefly thought of calling Lu Han or Joonmyun to check how they are, but he stopped himself before he could get his phone. It had been a long day. It's time to take a break.

 

 

 

Joonmyun and Yixing are drinking alone in a table, casually discussing some details about the campaign. Lu Han's too busy with the press and all his guests, charming his way into their hearts. There are even some random employees who were invited to the post-conference dinner, and Yixing feels proud of himself for thinking of that. Every movement is calculated, and it shows that Lu Han doesn't only focus on the rich and the elite.

 _Everyone is important to me, from the big sponsors to the guys who bring me my coffee every morning and night,_ Lu Han once pitched to Yixing when they were strategizing one late night. Yixing loved the idea of equality, and it became another advocacy in their platform.

Yixing feels a tug on his arm and looks up to see Lu Han beaming at him. He stands up and walks with Yixing to where the bulk of the people are, smiling even if he can't see anything past the flashes of the cameras.

"This is Zhang Yixing, my campaign manager," he places an arm around Yixing's shoulder, "and my closest friend."

The people murmur and Yixing grins at Lu Han, trying not to lean into Lu Han's frame in fear that they'll see how close they actually are.

"How did you two meet?" a guest asks. Yixing and Lu Han chuckle simultaneously, remembering all their ridiculous adventures together.

"We were roommates in university," explains Yixing. "When he was starting his cute little part-time volunteer group, I was helping him out on the weekends and trying to get people to join him."

"It wasn't cute!" Lu Han objects. "It was noble, and it eventually grew into Moon Tree. Before I really formed the organization though, we were just asking people to volunteer, struggling to get the university to acknowledge it as an actual group, and a bunch of other little problems."

"Eventually, we graduated and Lu Han had to pass the torch to someone else. They said that he could continue to volunteer and watch the organization grow though," says Yixing.

"Yixing went to law school and I tried to go into the banking industry with my economics degree, but I just didn't feel it. There was something really compelling about helping people and I loved the org. I couldn't leave it behind." Lu Han looks longingly at the logo of Moon Tree attached to the wall. "At least Yixing had some sort of direction."

"Yes, and my direction was to pass the bar exam and get so many offers to join different law firms, but in the end, I decided to make my own crisis management firm." Yixing shrugs when someone asks him why he didn't just become a normal lawyer. "Where's the fun in that? Crisis management makes me active all the time, and I can use everything I studied for in a more fun way."

"Anyway," Lu Han starts, "while Yixing was starting his firm, the organization suddenly received a massive donation from a very wealthy company. We were all shocked to see it in the org's bank account. The university asked me if I wanted to make it into an _actual organization,_ and I was shocked. I never thought my little weekend project could make it to this scale."

"A few weeks later, I opened the newspaper and saw something about Moon Tree, an organization started by my good friend Lu Han. It was a shock to me too," says Yixing. Lu Han smacks him lightly.

"You're acting as if you never had any faith in my program!" Lu Han complains. Their childish banter makes everyone laugh, and Lu Han beams at him.

They spend the rest of the night telling funny stories about each other in university, distracting people from the campaigning and trying to make Lu Han seem like an open book to the public. The guests ask about their grades, their adventures, their _love lives,_ and they have to carefully dodge on that one. Neither of them want to talk about hasty kisses in the back of the bus on their way to the mall, warm hands finding their places on skin cooled with sweat, Saturday nights when they would map each other's bodies with their lips and their touch. That isn't something they commonly talk about, but it's something they think about often, whether they deny it or not.

"I should go. My apartment is a little far," Yixing says. Lu Han smiles at him and shakes his hand.

"Rest well, Yixing. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow, right everyone?" They all cheer at Lu Han's words, and Yixing feels his heart melt a little with relief at the sound of Lu Han's supporters. At least the past few months of sleepless nights and constant fretting have achieved something.

Yixing takes a deep breath before he starts the car. The long journey starts from now.

 

 

 

Being part of the team wasn't as easy as Yixing thought it would be. Yes, they always respected his opinions, followed them to the letter actually, but there was a little more hostility from someone than what he initially expected.

Then again, Joonmyun always had a bit of distrust for Yixing. Maybe he heard a lot of things about Yixing's firm, about all of the horrible things he covered up, and decided to treat him like a criminal who was as bad as the men he considered his clients. Yixing understood his side; nobody likes the person who serves the bad guys. But Yixing never saw his clients as the bad guys, just the problematic ones.

Yixing felt Joonmyun's dislike for him. He almost heard the question in his mind, _"What does he have that I don't? Why did Lu Han have to hire him instead of just trusting me?"_

Honestly, it was justifiable. Yixing didn't look like much, he didn't act like much, but his mind was sharper than most others. He was made to fix things, and in a political campaign formed by a bunch of rookies who knew almost nothing about how truly brutal the world they were entering was, there were many things to fix.

They faced a huge hurdle before the campaign was even announced. It was a big surprise when Moon Tree was suddenly on the top of the Most Searched Keywords on the internet one day. And it was an even bigger surprise when reporters swarmed in front of their headquarters, demanding to see Lu Han and ask for his statement on the issue of taking money from the organization's donation pool and placing it in his own account.

"A fraud? They're calling you a _fraud?_ " Joonmyun was enraged, pacing in the middle of Lu Han's office while Yixing was reading and rereading the newspaper article and the man in question was breathing slowly with his head in his hands.

"It's not true. I swear it isn't true," Lu Han pleaded to the two of them. Joonmyun locked the door to the office before anyone could enter and tell them that there was someone calling Lu Han already.

"Jongdae? Look, we're facing a little crisis here," Yixing said into his phone.

 _"How little is little?"_ the younger man asked.

"Massive." Yixing rubbed his temples. "I need you to search on this journalist on Beijing Today who wrote a story about Lu Han stealing money from Moon Tree's account. This is a very big deal, Jongdae. I need you to track this person down fast."

 _"Got it, boss. I'll have it in a few hours."_ They hung up. Yixing slid his phone into his pocket and stared at Lu Han. He still looked scared and shocked, and Yixing almost wanted to hug him. But he couldn't. He couldn't treat Lu Han like a child who needed his hand to be held whenever he was scared. Lu Han was an adult, a full-grown man, and he needed to face it like one.

"I didn't do anything wrong. I swear I didn't," Lu Han kept repeating.

"We know that. Relax, Lu Han. We know you're innocent." Joonmyun stopped pacing. "What we need to do is convince the public that we're telling the truth."

Lu Han went out of the building himself, stance brave but eyes wary. He faced all the reporters, stood there with their microphones placed too close to his face, and told them that he knew nothing about those accusations, that he started this organization with integrity and he would never do anything to lose that, that he would never do anything to put all his hard work in this kind of light.

At the end of the day, no one believed him. It was what was expected in every situation like this; so few people ever believe the accused. It was a cold world where everyone would believe even the smallest rumors, and it was always painful to be the topic of those whispered words.

But then there was a call from Jongdae. _"I cracked the journalist's weird pen name. His name is Do Kyungsoo, and he's been a journalist in Beijing Today for a few years now. Jongin and Zitao are ready to go to him. What do you want us to do, Yixing?"_

Yixing looked at Joonmyun for a second. "Tomorrow. We deal with him tomorrow. If we deal with this too fast, it'll be obvious that we just paid him off to shut up."

_"We get it. Tomorrow, Zitao and Jongin will be on his tail, right?"_

"Yes, I think that's a better idea. Let them wear listening bugs. I need to hear everything that happens in their discussion tomorrow." Yixing asked for Joonmyun's approval silently, and he simply nodded. "That'll be all. Good night, Jongdae."

 _"Good night. Please take care of yourself,"_ said Jongdae before he hung up.

The next day, Jongdae brought the receiver device with him to the office. Sehun was busy on his laptop, observing their movements through the surveillance cameras around. Joonmyun and Yixing were quietly talking, wanting to agree on things before the operation really began.

"Look, Lu Han cannot know about this operation. He'll be furious if he finds out that his little 'clean campaign' isn't as clean as he thought," whispered Yixing. Hesitantly, Joonmyun nodded.

"I understand the necessity. Let's do this." They shook hands and Yixing stood up, observing the devices that Jongdae and Sehun brought with them.

"Jongdae, are you sure that the blackmail will work on Kyungsoo? We have to make sure that nothing physical happens here," Yixing asked. Jongdae rolled his eyes playfully.

"Come on, Yixing. We've been doing this for years, and you know that everything I dig up will always work. We've faced the toughest cookies out there, and a mere receipt from a sex toy shop is enough to make them concede. I can do this," Jongdae assured.

 _"We're moving,"_ Zitao whispered into his earpiece. _"We'll close in on him in the bathroom."_

They heard the sound of footsteps on tiles, doors opening and closing, the flushing of a toilet. And then there was silence. And the click of a lock.

 _"Who are you two? What do you want from me?"_ It was Kyungsoo obviously. There was fear, hostility, and more fear in his voice.

 _"We're here to talk to you about that article you wrote yesterday,"_ said Zitao.

Yixing could hear Kyungsoo chuckle sarcastically. _"Of course you do. Tell me, did Lu Han send you? I'd like it if you tell him that it's pathetic. He's playing as the good guy, but he's the one who sends two goons to get rid of me."_

Yixing grit his teeth at that last one. He didn't want to feel guilty for going against Lu Han's wishes behind his back.

 _"Where did you get that false information? How credible was that source that your editor was willing to let it slip into the paper?"_ asked Jongin.

 _"I know who you work for, kids. I'm not going to play by your rules and let you win just because you told me so,"_ answered Kyungsoo. Yixing looked at Jongdae with concern, but Jongdae just shook his head. _Trust me,_ his eyes said.

 _"Really? Our rules don't mention letting binge gamblers free just because they're trying to play hard to get,"_ Jongin said. _"We have actual, credible evidence of how much you spent in Macau, Kyungsoo. I'm sure everyone would like to know where you got that much money."_

Kyungsoo laughed. _"Is that the best you can do? I'm not as poor as I seem. If I want to gamble, I'll still have enough for the rest of the night to lounge in whichever five-star hotel I wanted to go to."_

Yixing was starting to get nervous. "Jongdae, do we have a backup plan?" he asked.

"Of course we do," Jongdae whispered back. "Just listen."

 _"And I'm sure everyone would like to know about the person whose apartment in Ring Two you visit every Friday night until Sunday afternoon,"_ Zitao said, the smirk heard in his voice. There was the sound of rustling papers, probably a few pictures from surveillance cameras that Sehun dug up. _"Who's this person, Kyungsoo? Are you two committed? You've been doing this for over a year; I'm sure it's pretty serious by now."_

There was the sound of someone choking back a cry, and then there was a deep exhale. _"I won't pursue the story. Don't leak those pictures."_

Jongin made a _tsk_ sound. _"Sorry, but that doesn't cut it. Who's your source? Is it the person you live with in the weekends?"_

 _"I'll even_ resign _from the paper if you want me to. I'll go with the right price and the promise that you won't release any of those."_

Zitao brought out the envelope of money that they brought with them and tossed it to Kyungsoo. He made a sound of approval. _"This is enough. I'll make my resignation letter right now."_

 _"Honor your side of the agreement and we'll honor ours,"_ Zitao said dangerously.

 _"Agreed,"_ said Kyungsoo. They heard the door opening and closing.

 _"Done,"_ Jongin said proudly.

"Not really," Joonmyun grumbled. "We still have to see if he's really going to come through with what he said."

"For now, we stay put. And we _make sure_ that Lu Han knows nothing about this." Yixing looked at all of them and they nodded. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

The next day felt like a miracle from the gods. Kyungsoo actually resigned from Beijing Today, and he newspaper released an official statement apologizing to Lu Han and to Moon Tree and to all the people who they have hurt through their young journalist's slanderous reports.

"You are a very effective man. I can see why Lu Han needed you on the team," Joonmyun said sheepishly. Yixing smiled at him, genuinely happy to see the other being friendlier to him. It helped if they were friends, but they were still just partners, partners in assisting Lu Han in his current endeavors. Maybe one day, there wouldn't be any more hostility between them, but they worked with what they had for now.

Lu Han had other sentiments about the issue. "I can't believe you!" he yelled at Yixing as soon as he entered his office. "I know you had something to do with this. Didn't we talk about a clean campaign, Yixing? Didn't we promise to keep this as clean as possible?"

He turned to Joonmyun. "And you. You of all people know how I wanted this campaign to be. I trusted both of you, and yet you did something like this?"

"Lu Han, this was a crisis. My job is to handle crises. You are my client. I did what I had to do," said Yixing. He was firm against Lu Han's enraged glare. It didn't stop Lu Han from sighing in frustration and walking out of the room, away from the betrayal of the two men before him.

Yixing shook his head. "He'll understand eventually. For now, I need you to release his official bank records and reassure people that there was really nothing he did wrong. The worst of the issue is over, but his name isn't clear yet."

"What will your men do?" asked Joonmyun.

"Zitao and Sehun are out asking for people's opinions on Moon Tree and Lu Han. They went to the people who the organization helped. We need to strengthen our bonds with those who already support us. Jongdae and I are going to make sure that Kyungsoo doesn't go anywhere with that story. It's a precaution," Yixing winced at the memory of his last client who used that term, "and we don't trust him yet. It's the best option."

The day was long for all of them, and at the end of it, Lu Han was simply the victim of a journalist's ruthless slander. He was back to being the good guy, even more loved than before. It was a miracle that people really believed him that much, and Yixing saw his chances of winning being much higher.

"Did the story have any truth?" Yixing asked as he and Lu Han were having dinner at his place. Yixing wasn't the best cook, but Lu Han always loved his cooking. It was almost nostalgic to see Lu Han gobbling up his food in front of him.

"Honestly, I used to do it." Yixing gaped at him. "I did it once when the organization was starting to gain more and more money. I stopped right away though. It felt wrong." Lu Han bowed his head. "It was wrong."

"Where do you think Kyungsoo could have gotten that information?"

Lu Han shrugged. "I'm thinking of someone high-profile giving him false evidence. It's his fault for believing it though."

Yixing shook his head. "You know what? Let's drop that. It's over." He poured wine in their glasses, ignoring the vision of Joonmyun's glare in his mind. "Let's focus on how you'll act during the campaign."

Lu Han raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of the wine and closing his eyes in pleasure at the first taste of alcohol in a few months. "Really, Yixing? I thought this was just dinner between us, not another campaign meeting."

"Humor me," Yixing said simply.

"Alright, _mister campaign manager._ " Apparently, Lu Han could become tipsy after a glass of wine. "Tell me what I can improve."

Yixing pulled his shoulders down and laughed at Lu Han's scowl. "Slouch more. You look too prim and perfect and pretty if you keep sitting and standing like that."

He placed his hands on Lu Han's face and used his thumbs to raise the corners of Lu Han's lips. "Smile. You're cuter when you smile."

Lu Han laughed at that, holding his hands against his cheeks and staring straight into Yixing's eyes. There were many dangerous things about their position, and Lu Han had enough self-control to pull himself out of the situation to grab his coat and call his chauffeur.

"I should go home. Also, I'm a little drunk." He chuckled.

"You're so dumb. I can't believe you're running for senator," Yixing joked. They walked to the front door and stood at the doorway.

"Bye Lu Han," Yixing whispered, blushing at their close proximity. Lu Han's hand was on his arm, fingers curling around his bicep. Yixing reached out to brush his hair out of his eyes, and Lu Han laughed silently, slightly ticklish because of his hair.

And then he took a step back from Lu Han, remembering what he told Joonmyun. He didn't want to ruin things. Lu Han didn't seem to care, or maybe his eyes finally stopped showing his every emotion despite the rest of his body not making a move.

He did pull Yixing in for a tight hug before he left though, and Yixing stood there, smiling before he closed the door and called it a day.

 

 

 

Yixing hears his phone beep, alerting him of another new email. It's exhausting, having to say no to every single client who approaches him, but he has no time for them anymore. There are too many things to do, too many things he has to handle, so many people he has to talk to.

The campaign headquarters almost feels like home now; he only goes back to his apartment to take a bath and change clothes. He spends most of his days making sure that they have enough money to pay for all their expenses, and sometimes he talks to Lu Han to make sure that everything's going well with him. Lu Han smiles and nods, telling Yixing to handle the campaign while he handles himself. It's a good deal. Yixing wouldn't know what to do with Lu Han.

Jongdae texts him all the time, asking if he's alright or if he's eaten. The concern is always appreciated, but Yixing feels bad for making Jongdae worry. He always worries too much, and Yixing is almost always the cause of it.

Yixing is lying down on the couch in Lu Han's office when he hears commotion from outside the door. _"Just be quiet, okay? I think he might_ finally _be sleeping."_

Yixing rolls his eyes at Lu Han's words, but he closes his eyes and tries to rest. He'll have time for him later.

He feels hands on his thighs, lifting the laptop away from his lap. The same smooth hands guide his body to lie down on the couch, and Yixing takes a moment to enjoy the warmth of Lu Han's skin. He's always had the perfect temperature for Yixing to feel, except for that one time that he had a high fever right before midterms and Yixing was forced to cuddle with him and pray that it breaks the fever somehow.

Yixing groans. "That's it. I'm going back to work."

"No," Lu Han says firmly. With surprising strength, he pulls Yixing up and pushes him towards Jongdae. "Take him home and force him to get some rest."

"But I have work--"

"I'll take care of it," Joonmyun suddenly says. "You should go home, Yixing."

Before he could complain any further, Jongdae drags him out of the room. Yixing feels like a petulant child, but by the time they're in Jongdae's car, he starts whining and complaining even more than he's already been doing.

"Come on, Jongdae! I have so much to do. There's barely any time for anything else but _work,_ " he says.

"Exactly. I don't even understand why you're complaining. Some people don't ever get breaks, and here we are, dragging you into one," Jongdae says, driving steadily.

"I'm not fond of breaks until the job's done, Jongdae. I thought you knew that."

"I know it too well, Yixing. That doesn't mean I like it." He shakes his head. "Think of all those clients you missed too. We've been inactive for weeks, and you know how the kids get antsy."

"I think the firm might have to take a little break for now," Yixing says quietly.

Jongdae stops the car suddenly. " _What?_ Do you even know how much time I've spent in that firm, how much I've worked to give it a good name? We've all worked so hard for it and you're abandoning it for this stupid campaign?"

"Jongdae, calm down," Yixing says flatly. "I'm not abandoning the firm. I just need to see this campaign through."

Jongdae doesn't say anything, just starting the car and driving ahead. He drops Yixing off without saying anything else. Yixing holds the door open before he gets off.

"Please understand the sacrifices I'm making for Lu Han. Please _try_ to understand me for the next three months," he says calmly before getting off and watching Jongdae drive away.

The hallway in front of him feels empty, hollow. He hasn't been here in a few days, and it already feels as if it's been abandoned. Yixing pats the head of the small pug statuette that he got from a bazaar in Changsha when he was a little boy. It's been his little pet for almost all his life, and he can't imagine calling anywhere home without it guarding over him in some small corner of a room.

Being surrounded by silence is so strange. Over the months, he's gotten accustomed to the constant sound of phones ringing and people talking and the news showing in the campaign headquarters. Even at his office, there was always something in he background, from Sehun's typing to Jongdae's loud singing to Jongin and Zitao having impromptu rap battles whenever they were bored. Noise and chatter were things that constantly flooded Yixing's ears, and so silence is a very pleasant change.

Silence, however, gives him more space to hear other things, like the grumbling of his stomach. It's a good thing that he always has food stocked in his cupboards, or else he'd have to go down to the convenience store to buy a packet of instant noodles. Instant noodles sound good though, so Yixing grabs a packet and starts cooking for himself.

A few minutes later, he hears the doorbell ringing. Annoyed, Yixing opens the surveillance control in his kitchen counter and coughs before speaking into the mic. "Identify yourself."

_"It's Lu Han."_

That's enough for Yixing to press a button and open the door for him. Lu Han has been to his apartment enough times for Yixing to memorize how many footsteps he would take before he reached the coat hanger and placed his coat there, how many steps he would take until he passes by Yixing's pug statuette and pets it too, how many steps he would take before he leans against the kitchen counter and stares at Yixing's back.

"Hi?" Lu Han says, slightly amused at the sight of Yixing sleepily trying to stir his uncooked noodles. "No welcome for me?"

"No," says Yixing. Unconsciously, he takes another packet of noodles and places it into the slowly simmering pot of water, adding more when he thinks it's necessary. He ignores the smile on Lu Han's face. He also ignores the fact that Lu Han took two bowls and two sets of chopsticks right away, setting them on top of the coffee table in the living room instead of the dining table.

Yixing takes the pot and a pot holder, placing them on the coffee table and hoping that they won't ruin the nice mahogany. Lu Han's seated on the floor, first two buttons on his shirt unbuttoned, leaning on the edge of Yixing's couch. He pats the floor beside him and Yixing complies, trying to serve the noodles in their bowls.

Lu Han is the perfect companion on days like this one. Lu Han is the right blend of familiarity and surprise. Lu Han is the right person to be with when Yixing just wants to let loose. Lu Han is like home to Yixing; he doesn't ever imagine feeling awkward and uncomfortable around him. Is that Lu Han's magic on people? Maybe it is.

Cartoons aren't common on late Wednesday afternoons, but Yixing finds one of the old classics. They spend a while laughing at the slapstick humor and eat their noodles quietly. Lu Han finishes first, turning to the side to face Yixing.

"How are you?" Lu Han asks, voice soft as he watches Yixing eat.

"Jongdae's mad at me."

"Why?"

"I don't have time for the firm anymore. He's upset, and I understand why," Yixing says. He sighs, still feeling guilty about what happened with Jongdae.

"I'm sorry," Lu Han blurts out. "The campaign is taking up too much of your time, I know. I feel bad because--"

"Stop," Yixing interrupts. "I chose this, Lu Han. I chose to do this."

"And I still thank you for that." Lu Han looks up at him, eyes eager. "Thank you."

"I did this because I believe in you, no matter how idealistic you are. I believe in what you believe in. I'll have your back no matter what, Lu Han."

 

 

 

There was always a fear of failing. They always feared a bad reaction, a protest or a group of people who would shoot down any of Lu Han's supporters in a heartbeat. There was a very high possibility of those things emerging as hurdles in Lu Han's slowly growing career.

What they didn't expect was a letter sent to their organization building, addressed to Lu Han, with the symbol of SM, one of the major political parties in the country, printed on the envelope. Lu Han held the letter with shaking hands, eyes widening more and more with each word that he reads.

"What does it say?" Yixing asked impatiently, trying to peek at the contents of the letter. Something like this only means one thing: SM wants something from Lu Han.

"They're offering me a spot on the party list." Lu Han looked up. "They want me to be part of SM."

Joonmyun's jaw dropped, imagining their life once SM starts giving them support and better publicity. They wouldn't have to grope around in the dark, hoping that they're doing the right thing. They'd have actual specialists advising them on what to do, and Lu Han's chances of winning shot up right away.

"You should take it," advised Joonmyun. "Not everyone gets a chance like this. If you want to win, SM is the way to go."

"Wait," Yixing interrupted. There was something wrong. How did they know that Lu Han had plans of running in the first place? Did they just randomly decide that they want Lu Han to run for senator all of a sudden?

"Yixing, I know you must have some sort of conspiracy theory brewing in your mind right now," Yixing glared at Joonmyun, "but this is a golden opportunity. I don't think Lu Han should risk this because of your _instincts._ "

"Joonmyun!" Lu Han reprimanded.

"I'm sorry, but we can't let this opportunity slide. I appreciate everything you've done for us, but SM is a huge deal. We have to give it a chance," Joonmyun compromised.

"Fine. Go and meet with them and see how they are, what they want from you. I just asked Jongdae and Sehun to search and find out what SM wants from Lu Han." Yixing saw that Joonmyun was about to speak, so he raised his hand to silence him. "It's not the organization, nor the good image. SM wants something from Lu Han, and until we find out what that is, they have the upper hand here. They aren't our friends, Joonmyun. They're so much more vicious than what they seem to be."

Changmin was his client once, and he showed no hesitation in getting rid of his problem as quickly and carefully as possible. SM was ruthless, and all the people in the party was equally as dangerous. Yixing lost all of his trust on SM ever since he witnessed it right before his eyes.

"The letter says they want to meet today. We should get going soon," Lu Han said, looking down at his day-old shirt and touching his messy hair. "I should go clean up."

"Agreed," Yixing muttered. He merely smiled at Lu Han's glare and went back to work.

Yixing went into an empty meeting room and called Jongdae. _"Hello?"_ the younger man greeted.

"Jongdae, I need your help."

_"I'm still busy with the other thing you're telling me to search for, but what do you need?"_

"You told me before that you gave me a listening bug before. What is it and how do I activate it?" Yixing asked. This was wrong, he knew, but he had to have an ear into that meeting. This was a pivotal point in the campaign, and it could determine everything about Lu Han's career in the future.

 _"It's in the hook of your favorite pen."_ Yixing scrambled to look through his desk and find it. _"Pull it out and there's actually something you can use to pin it onto something. Press it and it'll beep once. That means it's going to start recording."_

"Alright," Yixing pressed the device and it beeped, "Thank you, Jongdae."

 _"No problem,"_ Jongdae answered before hanging up.

Yixing walked around and saw Lu Han's coat hanging on the back of his chair. Carefully, he pinned the device behind the lapel of his coat, well hidden in the fabric.

The door suddenly opened and Yixing looked up, innocence painted onto his face. Lu Han smiled at him wearily, wiping a little moisture away from his skin. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just waiting for you," Yixing lied. He took the coat and spread it out, asking Lu Han to put it on. Lu Han slid his arms into the sleeves and turned around to face Yixing.

"Are you alright?" Lu Han asked. He was surprised when Yixing slid his hands down Lu Han's chest and buttoned the coat for him.

"I'm fine. I'm just worried about you." It wasn't a complete lie; Yixing was always worried about Lu Han. His hands brushed over the listening device to check if it's secure, and he smiled. "This could be a blessing or a complete nightmare, Lu Han. I need you to be careful."

Lu Han shook his head playfully and placed his hands on Yixing's face. "Relax. I'm going to be fine."

"Lu Han, don't forget what you told me when we started this campaign. Don't forget the man you want to be. SM… They might not be the people you want to associate yourself with," warned Yixing.

Joonmyun knocked on the door and peeked in. "Lu Han. Let's go."

"I'll be fine," Lu Han assured, and his hand slid down to hold Yixing's. Yixing squeezed back and stepped away, letting him go. He glanced at the clock. Jongdae and Sehun should be here soon.

Yixing paced instead, hoping that Lu Han and Joonmyun are discussing the possibility of saying no to SM instead of accepting the offered position right away. There's always a condition with SM. They needed to stop seeing this as the ticket to success and see it as poison being offered in a pretty glass.

Someone knocked on the door, and Yixing let them in. It was Jongdae, bringing along a laptop with him. "Where's Sehun?" Yixing asked.

"He's going to follow. He started tracing something and he said he'd rush here as soon as he had something solid. And I was the one who configured this device. I can do it," explained Jongdae. His fingers moved quickly against the keys and soon enough, Yixing could hear the crackle of sound from the speakers.

 _"... on the ninth floor. I'll call them and say that you're here."_ It must have been the receptionist.

 _"Thank you,"_ Joonmyun said politely. They could hear the elevator doors sliding open, and then there was silence.

 _"Is it bad to be nervous?"_ Lu Han asked. Joonmyun merely chuckled.

_"I'm as nervous as you, and I'm not even the one running! I guess Yixing's warnings have been getting to us."_

_"Yixing's always right, Joonmyun. This might not be as good of an idea as we thought it would be,"_ said Lu Han.

"Finally," Yixing mumbled, "someone who listens to me."

The elevator doors slid open again, and Joonmyun and Lu Han started walking. _"Ah. Mister Lu."_ Yixing recognized the voice as Changmin's.

 _"Hello. It's nice to finally meet you, Mister Shim,"_ Lu Han said cordially.

_"Please, just call me Changmin. This is Kim Minseok, the newest addition to our party list."_

_"But it could be you soon, don't you think?"_ Minseok asked. Yixing gritted his teeth. It's as if all of them had the same deceptive tone, the same ulterior motives behind their nice smiles and simple words.

 _"Let's talk,"_ someone else said. Yixing remembered that voice with a handsome face.

"Choi Siwon," Jongdae helpfully supplied. Yixing nodded. He knew who the CEO of the technological megacorporation was.

 _"Of course."_ Joonmyun's voice sounded normal to others, but Yixing detected the slight shake in it. He was nervous. He knew that something was wrong.

 _"You see, we're interested in having Lu Han on our party list, but you know that already. You're very charismatic, and people love you. You'd be a perfect fit for us,"_ said Siwon.

 _"And we can guarantee you success, Lu Han,"_ a new person, Cho Kyuhyun, said. _"We can guarantee you a spot on that list of senators, as long as you know whose commands to follow."_

"There it is," said Yixing. "There's the catch. If Lu Han and Joonmyun still fall for this, I'm going to doubt their chances of making it through this campaign."

Suddenly, Sehun burst into the room. He showed Yixing a record of messages and files transferred between a computer within their system to a computer in another system, soon recognized as SM's. Someone had been sending financial reports of how much money Lu Han received from donations, how much they've spent, and how much more they need. Also, a huge amount of money was transferred to the campaign's bank account from Siwon's personal account.

"I've narrowed down the exact computers and the ones using them. What's next?" Sehun asked.

"I'm going to call Joonmyun. Mute that recording or else he'll figure out that we've been listening in." Jongdae plugged earphones into the jack and kept on listening while Yixing attempted to call Joonmyun.

 _"Hello?"_ answered Joonmyun. _"Yixing, this better be important. I just had to leave--"_

"Joonmyun, they just gave us a massive sum of money as if they're already expecting us to say yes," said Yixing.

_"How did they even find out that we were running?"_

"Someone's been giving them all the financial reports. They've known about this for months, Joonmyun. They've been spying on us, having the upper hand all this time," Yixing explained. He heard Joonmyun's shaky exhale, the clenching of his teeth.

 _"I'm telling Lu Han. They have everything planned out in front of us. That risk is too much to handle."_ Joonmyun sighed. _"Thank you, Yixing."_

"No problem. Just go." Yixing hung up. He pulled Jongdae's earphones out and listened to their conversation.

 _"--so you're telling me that--"_ Lu Han was cut off all of a sudden. They could hear Joonmyun's soft whispers. _"We have to go? I'm sorry, but we really have a lot of other things to attend to in the organization. I'm really sorry that we have to cut this short."_

 _"It's alright, Lu Han. But have you made a decision yet?"_ Changmin asked.

 _"You'll hear from us if we have one. Thank you for the offer,"_ said Joonmyun. He was tenser than he was when they first entered the room.

The doors closed in front of them, and Lu Han let out a sigh of relief. _"Do you even know what they were telling me, Joonmyun? I would have had the world in my palm if I joined them."_

_"Yes, but you know what you have to sacrifice. You know that they're always going to ask for something in return in the end. I felt as if they were trying to control you before you even made your mind."_

_"I know. I think we made the right decision."_

"You did," Yixing whispered. He nodded at Jongdae and Sehun. "Thank you."

"It's fine," said Jongdae. They waited at the office for a while until Lu Han and Joonmyun arrived, both of them looking exhausted.

"What happened?" Yixing asked, pretending not to know.

"We said we'd think about it. I'm sure they know what that means," said Joonmyun. He lied down on the couch and curled up into a ball. Lu Han sat down on his chair and rested his head on his folded arms.

"You two handled it well. I take it they didn't think anything suspicious?"

"I hope not. I hope we made the right decision and not just another enemy," groaned Lu Han.

"What about the people who you caught giving reports to SM?" Joonmyun asked.

"They're all young interns," said Jongdae.

"Fire them. Immediately." Lu Han suddenly had a force in his words. "Sehun, look at all the other terminals in this office and make sure none of them are doing the same thing as those two interns."

"We're done with that. It's clean," said Sehun.

"Good." Lu Han stood up and walked out to the main campaign headquarters. The office stopped at the sight of the scowl on his face. "Listen up, everyone. If any of you are leaking information or doing anything that might endanger the campaign or the personnel, I suggest you stop _now._ I will personally make sure that you're fired and that you'll find no other place in this city to make a living in. Please think of your actions before you commit any mistakes."

Yixing stared at Lu Han from behind, smiling at his strong posture, the bite in his words, the lack of stuttering or hesitation in everything he said. Lu Han is a leader. Only now did Yixing truly see him as one.

 

 

 

Yixing breathes deeply as the jet starts to move along the runway. Lu Han is perfectly relaxed beside him, probably used to flying on this private jet of his. Joonmyun's already half-asleep on his other side. Is Yixing the only one who's slightly dying here?

He feels a warm hand on his and it's Lu Han, as always. He smiles knowingly at Yixing, squeezing and linking their fingers together. Lu Han is good at comforting him, and Yixing doesn't even notice that they're already flying until Lu Han lets go of his hand.

"Thank you," Yixing murmurs, not enjoying the frailty he just showed. He doesn't like the warmth in Lu Han's eyes, the one that tells him, _"It's okay to be scared. It's not like you've never seen me at my worst."_

"It's alright to be afraid. You've seen me cry because I had an exam the next day and I was too busy with an outreach program to study. You've seen me at one of my worst times." Lu Han smiles cheekily at him, chuckling and leaning his head on Yixing's shoulder. "Now sleep. We'll have time to talk when we're on the ground."

Yixing grips Lu Han's hand. "Don't remind me that we're flying. Please."

Lu Han laughs openly this time, making Joonmyun stir in his sleep. Yixing shushes him quickly, adjusting their chairs so they can lie down properly. Lu Han turns towards Yixing and smiles. There's something strangely familiar about seeing Lu Han like this: hair messed up because of how he's lying down; soft light spilling onto the contours of his face from a distant source; eyes sparkling, always sparkling. Yixing reaches out and takes his hand, and then they sleep.

They wake up and they're thirty minutes from Hubei. Joonmyun's already running on half a cup of coffee and the rest of the crew are doing something that's probably important. Only Yixing and Lu Han were left asleep, too tired to have noticed the hustle and bustle around them. Still, when Yixing notices their intertwined legs, he doesn't seem to regret a second that they spent in their dreams, and he'd kill to have a few more moments in the peace of his subconscious.

"Up, up, up. Come on," Joonmyun urges the two of them, pulling them both up out of their chairs. "Lu Han, you have to go get dressed properly."

Lu Han looks down at his slightly-rumpled suit. "I'm dressed perfectly fine!"

"We're in an agricultural province, one of the poorest districts in it. You need to look like you can belong with these people. We've brought a stylist, Lu Han. I came prepared for this." Joonmyun shoos him away.

"And what do we do, Joonmyun?" asks Yixing.

"We make sure that Lu Han stays safe and doesn't mess up. You choose which you want to deal with." Joonmyun ponders for a moment. "I choose safety. At least that's something I can slightly control. His mistakes are a whole different thing though." Joonmyun laughs and walks away from Yixing, taking some food from their pantry area.

They eat together, discussing several things over and over again. They tidy themselves up for a few minutes before they all take deep breaths and prepare themselves for the journey ahead of them. When they step outside of the jet, they're greeted by emptiness and a view of the vast plains spanning across the province.

The ride to the main city is cramped and humid and they all regret dressing nicely with their coats and long-sleeved shirts. At least Lu Han rolls his sleeves up, wiping off the sweat on his forehead with the crumpled cuffs. Joonmyun swats his hand away, telling him not to get any oil on his clean white shirt.

The campaigning in this province is much easier than what Lu Han thought it would be. All he has to do is go around, help others, take a few pictures with them, and everything's fine. Yixing sees people actively supporting him, thanking him for the supplies, the rations of grain and food for them every few weeks or so. People love Lu Han, but they'll never be safe from those who despise him.

One such person is an old lady, hands fragile and wrinkled, but her eyes are livid with anger. She walks up to Lu Han, pushing past the crowd even in her old age and weak physical state, and stands before him.

"Hello," Lu Han greets her, but before he could reach out to shake her hand, she slaps him across the cheek. The sound of the hit resonates across the crowd, making everyone stand still and silent. Yixing calls security discreetly, but Joonmyun stops him.

"You! I appealed for some medicines, for aid to help my dying daughter, and nothing arrived! She died in my arms because of you!" The security guards try to drag her away, but Lu Han raises his hand, the one not covering his stinging cheek, and stops them.

Solemnly, he bows his head in front of her. "Please, hit me. I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and I wish I could have done something to speed up the process to save her life. If I had known of the situation, I would have done everything to help you."

The old lady raises her hand, but she breaks into tears instead, collapsing in front of Lu Han. He reaches out for her, helping her stand and asking the security guards to take her somewhere less crowded. Everyone applauds Lu Han, but he doesn't smile. He keeps the somber attitude, the slight smile tainted with a bit of sadness.

Yixing is beaming inside. Lu Han is amazing at this.

That night, they stay in the hotel room and read all the comments in the articles posted about Lu Han's humble act earlier. "Oh, listen to this. 'I always thought Lu Han was another stuck-up boy from the city, but at least he's humble enough to see past the walls of cash lining his rooms and apologize.' These people are hilarious," says Joonmyun.

"And we're done with an entire province in less than a week. Hubei is ours, right?" Lu Han asks. Joonmyun and Yixing grin at each other. Hubei is definitely theirs.

"That means we should celebrate," says Lu Han, and he walks over to the small refrigerator to grab a few cans of beer. He tosses one to Yixing and offers another to Joonmyun, but the younger male glares at him.

"Lu Han," he warns.

"It's just one night, Joonmyun. I promise," he pleads.

_"Lu Han."_

"Live a little." And he tosses the can to Joonmyun while opening the other one and takes a huge gulp from it. He cringes. "It's still as bad as I remember."

Yixing laughs, turning his laptop towards the others. "Read the comment I highlighted."

"'This is why I like older men,'" Lu Han reads. His face contorts in confusion, and they all laugh.

"Teenagers," mumbles Joonmyun. He takes another long sip from his can.

They spend the rest of the night laughing and drinking, Joonmyun finally loosening up enough to take two and half cans before passing out. Yixing and Lu Han watch old comedies on late night reruns, and they stay much later than Joonmyun. It's a good thing that they have a break day tomorrow or else they'd all die while campaigning with a hangover.

Yixing wakes up because of the sunlight hitting his eyelids. He moves to turn away, but he's trapped by an arm around his waist. The body behind him is familiar and comforting, and he moves back to snuggle closer to Lu Han's chest. It's nice, but he can't seem to move his legs. He looks down and sees Joonmyun curled up into a ball between Lu Han's and Yixing's legs.

Yixing laughs airily. This is… a _very_ strange situation, but he doesn't mind. He also doesn't mind Lu Han's arm pulling him closer, the way he presses his nose against the soft skin at the back of Yixing's neck, the grumbling and whining that Joonmyun does in his sleep, and Yixing's content enough to fall asleep again.

 

 

 

With their constant fear comes excitement, anticipation for the rest of the world to come. There was that period before they officially announced Lu Han's candidacy when they were all too busy with preparation to see that their panic was laced with excitement, and they only managed to make it through because of their eagerness to see their expectations come true.

The announcement day was coming closer and closer, and they were starting to go haywire with all the things they had to make sure of. Yixing was looking at his list of contacts, all the people in the press that he could invite, the arrangements of the conference itself, and he couldn't think of anything. That's it. He's reached his limit.

"Are you alright?" Joonmyun asked. There was still this animosity between them, like there's tension that they'll never be able to get rid of. They're partners, though. They had to be.

"I'm fine. I just have," Yixing looked down at all the things he had to take care of, "a lot of things to think about."

"Do you need help? I'm good at logistics and things like that," offered Joonmyun. Of course Yixing was hesitant. This was his pride they're talking about! But at the sight of Lu Han in the office, going through a lot of documents and stressing out over his organization and the campaign, he saw the goal clearly. Lu Han had to win, and Yixing didn't want to mess things up by holding onto his pride when he could have asked for help.

"You can help Lu Han with his speech and presentation. I'm sure he could use some help." Joonmyun looked at Lu Han blankly staring at the wall and sighed. "He could definitely use some help."

"Alright, let's do this." Yixing nodded and stood up. "That's a list of all the contacts I have. If you need their help, I'll try to talk to them. Meanwhile, I'll try to see," Yixing looked at Lu Han again, " _if_ he can survive this."

"Let's hope so," Joonmyun said with a slight chuckle. Then he went to work, and Yixing saw the change in Joonmyun's eyes. His determination was terrifying, and Yixing knew that Lu Han chose the right man for this job.

Yixing knocked on the door before peeking in. Lu Han was still staring at the wall, seemingly in a trance. "Lu Han?" asked Yixing. Lu Han snapped out of it all of a sudden, and he shakily smiled at Yixing.

"Hey. You need anything?"

Yixing raised his eyebrow. "You're the one who seems like he needs a lot of help." He walked over to the table and sat across him. "What's the problem?"

"I don't know." Lu Han groaned and put down his speech. "I don't know what the problem is, Yixing. I just can't do it."

"What do you mean you can't do it?" Yixing narrowed his eyes. "Lu Han, you can't back out now. We've done too much--"

"I'm not going to give up, Yixing." There's anger in Lu Han's voice. There's that stubborn determination that Yixing had always loved, the spark that made Yixing believe in Lu Han in the first place. They needed that spark if they want to win, and right now, Lu Han looked like he might die without it.

"If you're not going to give up, then tell me what I can fix." Lu Han tilted his head in confusion. "It's my job to fix things, Lu Han. If there's something I need to fix, tell me now."

Lu Han took a deep breath. "I can't do this. I can't go out there and talk and pretend as if these people actually believe in me. I can speak well, but not when I know that there are people ridiculing me, thinking that I'm just a kid and I can't do it. Yixing, those people don't know how hard I've worked for this. They'll never know."

There were two sides of Lu Han that Yixing loves the most: the determined, too stubborn side and the flirty one, the side that Yixing always saw in Lu Han, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it now.

Then there were the sides that Yixing hates about Lu Han: the cold one, the one that Yixing rarely ever saw; the careless side, the gullible Lu Han that was currently following Yixing's every word right now; and the side of Lu Han that had too much heart, the one that cared too much, the one that Yixing thought he'd grow out of, as did Yixing with his.

But Lu Han was a dreamer: then, now, and forever. Yixing was the one who grew up and gave up. Maybe that's why their paths never really crossed until now; there were so many things about them that changed, even if the essentials stayed the same.

"Lu Han, listen to me." Yixing stood in front of him and leaned on the desk. "There will always be people who will ridicule you, people who will see you as a joke. That's unavoidable. But our job isn't to hide from those people; our job is to _make_ them believe. And you, Lu Han, you've made me believe. You've made Joonmyun believe. You've made everyone in this campaign, everyone in this office believe in you. It's not enough, it's not a guaranteed win, but it's a start. We believe, and we support you. There shouldn't be any fear because if you fall, we'll be sure to catch you."

Lu Han didn't smile. He didn't show Yixing that bright expression, the naive energy suddenly returning in him again. Perhaps the few pre-announcement months of their campaign finally hardened him. Perhaps he gained the eyes of a realist, taking off the lenses of his hopes on the world.

He didn't, actually. Brightness was replaced by sheer determination, and Yixing loved that even more. Lu Han was at his best when he knew what he wanted and he would do anything to get it. Perhaps there was a chance that they could win this, as long as Lu Han showed this side of him all the time.

They spent hours in that room, reading and reviewing Lu Han's speech. He needed to hit everyone with a bang, making the whole city, from the people in the outskirts near Ring Seven to the officials and elites living in Ring One, talk about him for the next days to come. A good first impression is good, but a greater follow-up would be even better.

Yixing tugged on Lu Han's sleeve. "Come on. Let's go take a break and have lunch."

Lu Han shook his head. "I still have an organization to deal with, Yixing. Maybe some other day." He stood up and went to his desk, lazily looking through the clutter of files lying on the table. He looked more exhausted than ever, and Yixing furrowed his brows in worry.

"Will you be alright if you win? Can you handle both the organization and the position?" asked Yixing. Lu Han looked at him and smiled, back to the boyish grin that he often shot Yixing.

"I'll be fine, Yixing. I can handle this." Yixing knew him well enough to hear the weariness in his voice, but he said nothing else. He waved and walked away, trying not to rush back in and force Lu Han out of the hole he was boring himself into. Then again, it wasn't as if Lu Han hadn't tried that on Yixing back then, even if it would never work.

But now Yixing really cared. Now he wanted Lu Han to take a break, he _needed_ to see that Lu Han wasn't trying to kill himself with this workload. There's a reason why Joonmyun was always in charge of Lu Han instead of Yixing; he was the one who saw Lu Han grow for the past few years, and he was the one who knew what Lu Han's limit was and how to pull him back down when he was pushing himself too hard. Yixing didn't have the liberty of saying he still knew Lu Han that well.

Instead, Yixing approached Joonmyun to ask about his progress. Joonmyun beamed at him when he showed the complete list of all the people they had to contact, some of them crossed out to show that Joonmyun already started making arrangements with them. He looked happy like this, being in control of simpler things compared to someone's life.

"You've gone far already," commented Yixing, a small smile on his face. Joonmyun laughed and nodded.

"These people are easy to deal with. That man you were with is not." He put down his phone and motioned towards the seat beside him. Yixing sat down and awkwardly thought of something to talk about.

"Let's talk about the general theme of this announcement," started Joonmyun. "What's the image? How are we going to make Lu Han look in this?"

"Well," Yixing paused, "we should highlight the organization. Moon Tree is actually a big deal, and the more people see that this organization and Lu Han are almost one, the better it'll be for us."

"I'm thinking of placing the announcement near the building. Would that work? Solidifying it by sticking Lu Han right in front of the organization's headquarters?" asked Joonmyun.

"It seems like a good idea, as long as we don't overdo it and make the organization look like a prop. It's part of his identity, not just a way of improving his image," Yixing warned.

"That's good advice. Exaggeration is always the worst." Joonmyun nodded and took note of it.

Yixing's phone rang, and he sighed when he saw Jongdae on the caller ID. Jongdae either brought good news or the absolute worst. He excused himself and went to the quiet corner of the workplace.

"Jongdae? Is everything alright?" asked Yixing.

 _"Zhou Mi's here."_ Yixing nodded slowly. Zhou Mi was the mayor of the city, and Yixing always liked him. His crisis was related to his family, a secret he just found out about and needed to hide to protect the rest of his family. Zhou Mi was a good man, one of the few clients that Yixing didn't strongly detest after closing their case.

"Please tell me he's alright," said Yixing.

 _"He needs you. It's a big thing,"_ answered Jongdae.

"Alright. I'll be there soon." He hung up and looked for his coat. Joonmyun stood in the doorway and handed it to him.

"When do you think you'll be back?" asked Joonmyun. Yixing shrugged.

"I don't know. It depends on what my client needs," Yixing said. "I'll try to finish this by today if I can force it."

"Be careful," Joonmyun said, and he gave Yixing a faint smile. It was weird to see Joonmyun like this, but he appreciated the amicableness. It was a start, at the very least.

Yixing looked at Lu Han's door and thought of going in to at least say goodbye, but Joonmyun placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'll tell him that you have something important to attend to. He'll understand."

Lu Han had to understand. Yixing hadn't been focusing on his firm as much as he really wanted to, and it's alright for him to go attend to his own business every now and then. Lu Han would understand.

He drove quickly to his office, a stern expression on his face. Yixing didn't expect to see Zhou Mi in his office, pacing endlessly while on the verge of tears. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

"Mayor Zhou Mi, what happened?" Yixing asked. He motioned for Zhou Mi to sit down and for Jongdae to prepare some tea.

"I killed someone."

Yixing sighed. There goes one of the few clients he genuinely liked.

"It's not that simple, Yixing! Don't judge me until you've heard the whole story," yelled Zhou Mi. He was clearly panicking, and Yixing wasn't doing a very good job of comforting him.

"Fine, what's the whole story?" asked Yixing. He took a cup from Jongdae and offered it to Zhou Mi. He politely declined and Yixing shrugged, taking a sip of the tea himself. He smiled up at Jongdae. He's the best when it comes to these small things.

"Someone sent me a message one day with all these records about the people's taxes slowly going out of the government's funds and into the pockets of the senators and congressmen. Of course this type of embezzling is normal, and I've been trying to do my best to stop any of our local officials from doing anything to the taxpayers' money.

"This person, _this lying scumbag,_ made it look as if I've been the one taking the most, as if I'm the reason why the streets on Ring Five and Ring Six are never fixed and some people rarely ever have water and there are people still wandering on the streets with nowhere to go home. I tried to talk to him, find out who's making him do this, but he refused to budge until I give him some of the money that I 'stole from the people's coffers.' It was ridiculous.

"I met with him, but after he took the money, he asked for more, claiming that he's not afraid of releasing it to the press or to all of the people if I don't give him more. I was sick of it. I was sick of the lies, the games, the rules that he set up and I couldn't fight against. I was too afraid that he'd release it and even if I tried to clear my name, the people would always be wary of me. You know that I'm so proud of their trust, that they don't consider me as a lying thief just like most other politicians."

"And killing him was the best option?" Jongdae asked, raising an eyebrow.

Zhou Mi sighed loudly. "I know it wasn't the wisest decision, certainly not the one I would have made if I was less blinded by my anger, but I needed it, Jongdae." He turned to face Yixing. "And I need your help."

Yixing nodded. "I understand. You're a good person, Zhou Mi. But even good people make mistakes."

That scared Yixing. When will Lu Han make his fatal mistake? And in the end, will everything they sacrificed for him give them the result they wanted?

"Zitao and Jongin, hide the body. All physical evidence of this meeting ever happening has to be covered up. We need to make this look like a disappearance. Soon enough, they'll give up on looking for him," Yixing ordered. They nodded and left the room.

"You exchanged messages with him, right?" Yixing asked Zhou Mi. He nodded and Yixing paused to think. "We need to delete all traces of those messages. You have to delete and destroy all interactions with that person. Disassociation is the key to making you seem less likely as a suspect with a motive. Sehun can help you with that."

For the next few days, that's all that they did. Cleaning up and hiding everything went as smoothly as they expected, until they heard news that the family filed a missing person search for the man.

"Where did you hide the body?" asked Zhou Mi. He was starting to get jittery again, the fear of being discovered scared him way too much.

"In a province far away. There's no way they'll find it," Jongin assured him.

Yixing's phone beeped. Sehun sent him an email with other exchanges and files sent to other people from the man's computer. It was a good thing that his family was out looking for him and Sehun got the chance to slip in and hack into his computer. All evidence was gone. Zhou Mi could breathe in peace.

But then Yixing noticed something strange about the email messages. He showed them to Zhou Mi and watched the anger rise in his expression.

"A coup d'état? Are they serious?" he yelled, giving the phone back to Yixing before he succumbed to the urge to throw something lightweight against the wall. "I can't believe these people! After everything I've done for this city and for these people, they want to repay me with this?"

"Calm down, Zhou Mi. I'll tell Sehun to track these people down for you and you can figure out what you want to do with them, okay?" Yixing offered. He pat Zhou Mi's back gently and urged him to stand up. "Come on. You have a city to lead."

As Yixing drove to Moon Tree headquarters, he realized how long it's been since he last thought about the campaign. Even with his profession, sometimes Yixing found it hard to concentrate with two different things on his mind, and it was easy for him to neglect one and focus on the other.

He ran up to Joonmyun as soon as he saw him. The smaller male stared at him for a few seconds before smiling.

"Hey, Yixing. Where have you been? You said you'd try to finish it within the day," asked Joonmyun. Again, there was something different about his tone. He was less demanding, less serious when he talked to Yixing.

"I tried, but it was a big case. I did it as quickly as I could," explained Yixing. Joonmyun just nodded.

"Well, I'm done with some parts. At least I've made reservations and arrangements for the staging. I'm working on the lights and sounds right now," Joonmyun reported. He started walking and Yixing followed, hoping to ask about Lu Han. "And he's good. His speech is starting to come together, and we've practiced with what he had so far. It's going well."

Yixing sighed in relief. "Good. I'm glad that not everything went to hell while I was gone."

"Excuse me," Joonmyun scoffed in mock-offense, "but I'm pretty sure I was able to handle him and the organization perfectly fine before you ever came along."

They laughed, walking along the hallway in peace. Joonmyun turned to a conference room and pointed at Lu Han at the head of the table, watching a presentation. Lu Han looked up and smiled when he saw Yixing. He stood up, right in the middle of someone's presentation, and walked out of the room to hug Yixing.

"Are you alright? You were missing for the past few days," Lu Han asked, eyes shining with concern. "I-- we were all worried."

"I'm not a child, Lu Han," he reprimanded. "But I'm fine."

"That's good," Lu Han whispered before hugging him again. "Don't disappear like that again."

Yixing grinned. "Promise."

 

 

 

Lu Han's been doing good so far, and people have received him well in general. He doesn't expect the animosity in a certain fishing community, the watchful eyes judging him and scrutinizing his every move, the constant fear of something bad happening.

"Humility. Humility and kindness, right?" Lu Han asks. Those two words have been his mantra for the past few weeks, but for some reason, people aren't falling for it anymore. "Why do people hate me now? Did I do anything particularly wrong to their people?"

"I don't know," Yixing answers. "People just... don't like you."

Joonmyun narrows his eyes. "Nice job in comforting him."

Lu Han smiles weakly at the two of them. "It's alright, Joonmyun. A little truth is appreciated."

"Are you accusing me of lying?" Joonmyun jokingly hits him on the arm.

"I'm not!" Lu Han defends himself, laughing at how defensive they both are. "You have a tendency to sugarcoat everything. I actually like that about you sometimes."

"Thank you for having _some_ appreciation for me, unlike others." Yixing rolls his eyes and leans his head on Joonmyun's shoulder. Joonmyun smiles and lets him stay there.

"So, what's our agenda for tomorrow?" asks Lu Han. Joonmyun looks for his phone on the bed that they're all on and scrolls down.

"Tomorrow, I arranged for a small conference to be held with everyone who supports you." Joonmyun raises a finger to stop him from objecting. "Relax, I've made sure that there will be people there. You won't have to deal with an empty crowd tomorrow."

Lu Han sighs in relief. "Good. That would be an absolute nightmare."

"It would," Yixing says sleepily. "Imagine how embarrassing it would be to see only a few people who are willing to declare that they'll support you. What a horrible thing to think of."

Joonmyun hits him hard. "You're really not doing a good job of comforting the guy."

Yixing grins at them. "That was the point. You see, Joonmyun, you're the good cop and I'm the bad cop. We may have different methods, but we have the same goal. We need each other."

"You're too sweet, Yixing." Joonmyun shoves him off. "Now go to sleep. We all have a big day tomorrow."

"Don't we always?" Lu Han comments, and Yixing laughs at how exhausted he sounds.

The next day, they're surprised to see the venue filled with people. It's as if people suddenly changed their minds about Lu Han all of a sudden, and Lu Han is grinning as he walks up the stage. Joonmyun and Yixing look after him, making sure none of the loud supporters climb the security barrier to touch Lu Han. Then again, neither of them think anyone would believe in Lu Han that much.

And none of them thought that anyone would dislike Lu Han enough to pull out a gun and shoot at the stage in the middle of Lu Han's speech until there was a pistol being fired and a bullet flying through the air and a hole in the tarpaulin behind Lu Han.

Joonmyun and Yixing rush to pull Lu Han off the stage, hiding behind the bodyguards that they can see. Everyone in the audience scatters and runs off to many different directions, panic spreading like wildfire through the people. They're rushed to the car, and the sound of sirens approaching fills their ears.

"The gunman was caught," their driver reports. Yixing nods and turns towards Lu Han, still too shocked to say something. He sighs and pulls Lu Han into his arms, even if it doesn't really achieve anything except for a sigh from Joonmyun.

"This was horrible. Absolutely horrible," comments Joonmyun. "We should tighten security even more from now on."

"Of course. I wonder how the gun even slipped through the checkpoints," Yixing murmurs. "This shouldn't have happened."

He strokes Lu Han's hair and holds his face, forcing the older male to look at him. "But we can make it through this, okay? We can fix things, use this as an advantage and move on."

Lu Han stays silent, so Yixing takes that as a go signal to take his phone and feed the story to the press. Nothing is better than playing the victim card, in Yixing's eyes. People always sympathize with the victim, and it's not as if Lu Han hasn't done this before.

People crowd in front of his hotel, but the security guards push them away. Lu Han manages to put on a straight face, hiding the anxiety seeping into his bones. Now they all pity him. Now they all care, but only because Lu Han could have lost his life for it.

When they're finally in the hotel room, Lu Han breaks down and grips the blankets tightly as he cries. The two other men sit on either side of him, a hand on his shoulders. They give him a moment, allowing him to release the emotions that they know he must have bottled up the entire time.

"I was so scared! It was as if I felt that bullet piercing me instead of my face behind me. It was as if I was already dead, even if you were pulling me to safety already. I've never been this scared in my life," Lu Han confesses. They let him cry for a little longer, let the sobs fill their senses for a little while, let their own fears slowly simmer out with every sob that escapes Lu Han's throat.

"Stop," Joonmyun suddenly says. "That's enough, Lu Han. You need to move on from this and man up. Be brave. We don't want a leader who can't even hold himself up for the world to see. We don't want someone who isn't strong enough to handle something like this."

Joonmyun sighs and walks out. Lu Han sits there, suddenly silenced by his words. Yixing slips his arm around Lu Han's waist and pulls him in for a hug.

Lu Han shivers in his arms, burying his face into the crook of Yixing's neck. Yixing feels the need to pull him even closer, to press a kiss against his skin, to whisper everything Yixing needs to say and everything Lu Han needs to hear. Instead, Yixing presses a kiss against Lu Han's forehead, hoping that it would be enough, that he wouldn't have to loosen his grip on the little self-control that he has left.

But Lu Han doesn't let him pull away completely. He stops Yixing until their noses are a centimeter apart, until he presses their foreheads together until their senses are filled with the other's scent, until Yixing is tilting his head to the side slightly, an instinct that he finds so hard to get rid of.

Lu Han is the one who pulls away this time. He's the one who uses all of his control to stop them from this cycle. He's the one who understands that some of their desires, some of the things that almost feel like a _need,_ just can't be fulfilled.

Yixing leaves with a warmth in his chest and a dizzy feeling. This is Lu Han's effect on him, and he wants more, craves for it even, but he can't have anything more than a little taste of heaven.

 

 

 

When they land in Shanghai, everyone's spirits are as high as they could ever be. At least in Shanghai, they're in a setting that they're familiar with. The city is home to them, and they're all tired of the constant dressing down to act as if they belong.

It's their last stop before they go back to Beijing, and they've had a relatively calm day. "It's nice here. It's almost like Beijing, but just a little less crowded," Yixing comments. They enter a restaurant, and the staff immediately bows at the sight of Lu Han.

"Good morning, sir! What brings you to our restaurant?" a young waitress asks.

"Uh, the food?" They laugh at Lu Han's awkward way of answering, and they take their seats.

"It's true, Lu Han. The city loves you. Everyone wants someone who genuinely knows their struggle. Welcome back to the high life." Yixing grins and takes a bite of his appetizer.

"Be nice, Yixing. People don't like those who brag," Joonmyun reprimands, but he's smiling slightly when he looks down.

"Says the guy who brings out his black card anywhere and everywhere," Lu Han teases. Joonmyun blushes at that, eating just to have a reason not to respond. His phone beeps too, and he's grinning when he finishes reading the email.

"Remember that media company we had a partnership with a few years back?" asks Joonmyun. Lu Han nods. "They just sent as a donation to power the last stretch of the campaign. We have nothing to worry about when it comes to funds anymore."

Lu Han sighs in relief. "That's amazing. I was afraid that we'd have to take some money from Moon Tree's account, and I really wished that we wouldn't be forced to in the end."

Lunch is surprisingly peaceful with the three of them. They almost feel like three normal men, until they remember some photographers and reporters lurking around outside. When they smile and laugh, it's not a façade. They're genuinely enjoying themselves, and it's been too long since it's happened to them. It feels like a blessing.

Another blessing is a perfectly delivered speech. And then they hold a smooth press conference, and a great impression is left on everyone's minds. They celebrate in their own way, the three of them having dinner together in the hotel room. It's great when things are like this and they have time to appreciate all the good things that they've achieved during the campaign. It's almost sad to think that the period is almost over and it's time to let the public control their fate, but they're actually really happy that it's finally ending. They've been through too many things in the course of this campaign.

Jessica, Yixing's client that he couldn't consult personally because he was with Lu Han on the tour, sends Yixing a video where she thanks him for all his help. "Tell her that I'm happy, and I hope she'll feel at peace now," Yixing tells Jongdae.

 _"Aye aye, captain,"_ Jongdae jokes. _"So you'll go back to Beijing tomorrow?"_

"We'll be back by tomorrow. I'm glad. Shanghai is nice, but Beijing is home." Yixing doesn't dwell on the fact that Changsha hasn't been home for a very long time. He'll never forget the anger on his father's face when he said that he wanted to leave their farm to go and study in the big city. He'll never forget the disownment notice he got right before he boarded the bus to Beijing, the notice that he expected since everyone who left their family's business and got disowned also got one. He'll never forget the sight of his mother waving goodbye at him even if his father already forbade her.

Some things, despite how hard he tries, he'll never forget.

He walks out of the bathroom to see Lu Han alone in the kitchen. He looks around and Joonmyun isn't here anymore. "Where's Joonmyun?"

"He's going to bed early." Lu Han smirks. "We should celebrate, you and I."

"Why?" Yixing raises his eyebrow. "Or more of, what do you want?"

Lu Han grins. "Let's drink."

They order a case of beer and pop open one after the other, trying to enjoy their very few moments of relaxation. They're back to being college boys again, drinking and laughing and joking around. Lu Han tosses an arm around Yixing's waist on the bed, sliding his hand underneath his shirt.

"I remember your waist injury. You were in so much pain for days, but you were too stubborn to go to the hospital," Lu Han reminisces.

"I miss dancing. We used to do it together, all the time," Yixing murmurs. He slides down to be at eye level with Lu Han. "We did a lot of fun things together."

Yixing grins and closes his eyes when Lu Han raises his hand to place it at the side of Yixing's neck. They're both warm, much warmer than how they usually are, but they slide closer together, the sound of rustling fabric and heavy breathing stirring something deep within them.

Yixing's overcome with the need to _touch,_ from Lu Han's forehead to his biceps to his hipbones. "You need to gain weight, Lu Han."

"And so do you." Lu Han runs his other hand over Yixing's thighs, squeezing slightly. "These used to be fuller. I loved them like that."

Yixing laughs, and he sees Lu Han shutting his eyes in pleasure at the sensation of their breaths ghosting over their faces. His eyes darken.

"When will you kiss me, Lu Han?" he whispers. "When will we stop playing around?"

He didn't expect the answer to be "Now." He also didn't expect Lu Han's soft lips to be on his in less than a second, hands roaming over the planes of his body. If Lu Han pulls hard, then Yixing pulls harder, crashing their bodies together and arching his back to get more and more of Lu Han's warm skin on his. They unbutton each other's shirts, and it's so familiar that Yixing feels like an eighteen year-old boy again, enjoying the touch of this pretty guy who can't seem to get enough of him too.

They stop there, Lu Han gaining some of his senses back, enough to tell him to pull away. Yixing is dizzy with desire, but the cold air is enough to tell him that they really shouldn't pursue this, at least not right now. That doesn't mean that they'll ever stop enjoying this rush, the way they'll always attract and gravitate towards each other.

Yixing pulls him back down before he goes too far. Lu Han groans, but he's smiling as Yixing tosses an arm over his waist. Yixing kisses his shoulder before they both pass out.

He wakes up without Lu Han beside him, and it's almost as if he's accustomed to the sinking of his heart. Yixing fixes himself up, buttons his shirt, and tries not to be sad about this. He'll talk to Lu Han sooner or later.

When he exits the room, Joonmyun and Lu Han are talking. Lu Han merely greets him with "good morning," but that's it. They keep talking until Joonmyun leaves the room to get something that he forgot in his.

And that's when Lu Han walks up to him and pulls him in for a kiss. It's surprising but nice, and Yixing can't complain about the way that Lu Han kisses him as if he'll never get enough. Lu Han is grinning when he pulls away.

"I couldn't wait for Joonmyun to get out of here," he says. "I need more time with you."

"Oh please. You're treating me like your mistress," jokes Yixing. Lu Han hugs his waist even tighter, and Yixing laughs and squirms when he can barely breathe.

"I never want to hide this. Us." Lu Han is smiling so eagerly, so happily. Yixing wonders why they held themselves back in the first place when they could have been this happy from the very beginning.

"Wow," a new voice says. It's Joonmyun. They pull away from each other and stand apart. Joonmyun just shakes his head. "Do you really not respect my opinions? Do you really think that I'm so useless and you don't need to pay attention to the things that I tell you to do and _not_ to do?"

Yixing suddenly hides in his room and hopes that Joonmyun doesn't pursue him. He opens the door a little bit and watches the two outside.

"You don't understand the importance of self-control, do you Lu Han?" Joonmyun asks angrily. "You don't understand that sometimes, we can't give in to our needs because it's not going to do any good. I know it seems like a bunch of fun and games now, but Lu Han, when things start to go haywire, you won't want someone to be there holding you back. You won't want anyone except for those who are really essential to you. And you--"

"What if he is essential to me? You don't understand, Joonmyun. You don't know what it feels like to hold yourself back _all the time_ when it comes to someone that you-- someone you _love!_ " He pauses after the word. "Someone I love," Lu Han says thoughtfully.

Joonmyun shakes his head and walks closer to him. "No, Lu Han," he says with a shaking voice. " _You_ are the one who doesn't understand. You've never understood." And then he pulls Lu Han down to kiss him.

Yixing stares at them, and now he understands why Joonmyun was so hostile to him before. Now he understands why Joonmyun cares so much, why he chose to do this for Lu Han. When people are in love, they make the greatest sacrifices, even if they always have to face the reality that they may never be loved back.

"I'm sorry," Joonmyun says. "Just... forget about it. This never happened. We don't need to talk about this."

When Lu Han enters Yixing's room and hugs him tightly, Yixing pretends not to know. He pretends that he doesn't know why Lu Han looks so empty inside but also filled to the brim with guilt. He pretends that they're just okay, and he kisses Lu Han to wipe away the taste of Joonmyun on his lips. Yixing isn't jealous. He doesn't want to get rid of the memory of Joonmyun for himself but for Lu Han, the man who's drowning in his own guilt as he grips Yixing's arms and tries to smile.

 

 

 

There are only a few moments of stillness in their lives. With a soft sigh and the lingering warmth of skin on skin in his mind, Yixing gets out of bed and tries to put on his shirt again. He laughs when he sees that Lu Han ruined some of the buttons already, but he slips it on nonetheless and pads down the hallway.

Lu Han is sitting on the couch with his boxers on, hugging his knees close to his chest. He's asleep, and Yixing immediately feels guilty. Did he do something wrong? There must be a reason why Lu Han didn't stay in bed with him, and there's also a reason why his eyes were completely shut last night, as if he couldn't handle the sight of Yixing, and not in a sexual way.

"Hey," Lu Han whispers, raising his head and looking at Yixing with tired eyes. Yixing walks up to him slowly and stands at the edge of the couch, as if he's asking permission. Lu Han holds his forearm and pulls him down gently, settling on his lap.

The sun hasn't even risen yet, and the sky is a dreary grey. Foreshadowing or not, it's still depressing in Yixing's eyes. And it seems to reflect on Lu Han too. Yixing hugs him closer and presses a kiss against his temple. These are Lu Han's vulnerable moments. He understands.

"Missed this," Yixing murmurs against his hair.

"Me too." Lu Han is quiet, so quiet that it scares Yixing. They sit in silence, and Yixing wishes he brought some tea for them. It always helps.

He remembers another time when Lu Han was like this. It was right before graduation, and they were starting to be ushered into the real world. Yixing still had law school. He still knew what he wanted to do. But Lu Han was as lost as ever, begrudgingly passing the torch of Moon Tree, the small university organization, to the lower batch. He wanted so badly to stay, but the world awaited him.

He slept fitfully that night until Yixing had had enough of the tossing and turning and pulled Lu Han out of bed. They sat on the couch and drank tea and watched the sunrise peek through the city's sky. The splatters of pinks and oranges and other hues seemed to have calmed Lu Han down, enough for him to give Yixing a shaky smile and a soft, "Let's do this."

When they kissed, it wasn't meant to be a goodbye.

But how can a tree stand strong against the winds and the rain when it has no roots? How can a tree ever stand when it never had anything to ground itself on in the first place? They started as a fling. And no matter how many times they felt something more than just that spark, no matter how many times they've admitted to themselves that they feel and they want and they need something more, it just wouldn't happen.

Yixing kisses Lu Han, happy to have him in his arms for now. Lu Han always appreciates these small things that Yixing does for him, and he tangles his fingers into Yixing's dark hair. Yixing loves this side of Lu Han too, the side that's warm and pliant and simply happy. He's rarely like this, and Yixing's glad to have seen it.

"Do you think I did my best, Yixing? Was it enough? Was everything enough?" asks Lu Han. _Of course,_ Yixing thinks. _Of course this is the problem._

Yixing could answer like how Joonmyun would: encouraging, sweet, what Lu Han wants to hear. Or he could answer the way he always has: sarcastic, insensitive, what Lu Han needs to hear. And he could also answer with nothing, kiss Lu Han again, and fill his mind with the idea that everything will be okay.

Everything is okay. Nothing will go wrong, and Yixing has a strong feeling that that won't change. Lu Han is lonely inside, scared as always, and he's finally letting Yixing in to see what's really on his mind. He's not going to crush any hopes that Lu Han has left.

"No matter what happens today, even if voting day is a complete mess, you did everything you could. All of us, as a team, we performed so well," Yixing assures him. "Today is a complete mystery, but never have doubts on what you did in the past. I don't know if it's enough, but I do know that you should be proud of yourself, regardless of what happens."

Lu Han smiles weakly at him, pressing a kiss against his jaw. "You're the best," he whispers, linking his arms around Yixing's neck. The younger male lies down on the couch and allows Lu Han to take off the few clothes that he has on. Lu Han kisses a trail up his chest, and Yixing's breath hitches at the feeling of Lu Han thoroughly mapping his body with his mouth, as if he's testing how well he knows every shift and twitch of Yixing's body.

Lu Han plants both of his hands on either side of Yixing's head, smiling brightly when they look into each other's eyes. Yixing curls a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down for another soft kiss.

The sun is rising behind them, and they don't really care about the results after today, just for a while. For now, they'll be lying here, warm and happy, savoring every moment as if it's their last.

 

 

 

It's a stressful three days that passes by when voting day is over. People walk by without knowing or caring about all the lives that are going to change after these elections. People walk around, falling back into their usual patterns of life, albeit with less campaign commercials on TV and banners hung along the streets.

Yixing's walking around with all this nervous energy pent up within him. He paces and paces and paces, and all Jongdae can do is stare at their floors and pray that he won't bore holes into them. The others aren't even holed up inside their own corners of the office, and instead they all sit at the conference table and look at Yixing while he panics his way through the day.

"Please calm down. This is annoying," Sehun says. He's on his phone as usual, probably trying to ruin Zitao's life by hacking into all his social networking accounts. Zitao groans when he sees his account post something embarrassing again. He hits Sehun, and the younger male drags Jongin closer to laugh at what he was planning to post.

Jongdae sighed. _"Kids,"_ he says exasperatedly.

Yixing smiles. "Agreed."

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and places it on the table. Yixing's been waiting for Joonmyun's call for nearly an hour now, and he knows that there will come a time when Lu Han's starting to panic again and Joonmyun can't handle him. He's just waiting for the opportunity to arrive.

Until then, he's going to laugh at these people with him and hope, _pray,_ that everything really will work out for them. The chances aren't low, but they aren't steady either.

Jongdae tugs on Yixing's arm and pulls him into his office. Yixing sees many things that are distinctly Jongdae, like the hundred pictures posted on the cork board. He's been taking photography classes in his spare time, especially now that he actually has spare time.

"How are your classes?" Yixing asks. Jongdae blushes immediately, turning over a picture that Yixing only saw in the corner of his eyes.

"Classes are fun. At least I'm putting the camera to good use now," answers Jongdae. He points at a photo of poinsettia flowers with the sunset peeking out from behind it. "This photo got me a date."

"Tell me, is it fun dating your photography teacher?" Yixing turns the photo over and sees a picture of Jongdae with his so-called "cute teacher," smiling at each other sweetly. "He reminds me of a cat. You two look good together."

Jongdae blushes even more and hides his face behind his hands. "Thanks. I'd like to think that he's dating me for my talent too, not just my undeniably good-looking face."

"Does he know that you have a tendency to marry your job when the need arises?" Yixing jokes.

"He has a tendency to marry his camera. He understands," replies Jongdae, grinning at the thought of the other man in the photo. "Myungsoo is--"

"Joonmyun's calling!" Zitao hands him the phone and Yixing answers right away, bowing apologetically at Jongdae.

"Hello?" greets Yixing.

_"Yixing, Lu Han's panicking and I don't know what to do."_

Yixing sighs. _As expected._

"Tell him I'll be there soon. It might have an effect but I highly doubt it." Yixing looks for his coat and keys. Jongdae smiles at him, as if saying, _"Go. Go to him."_

Yixing waves and walks out of the office, shaking his head at Sehun, Zitao and Jongin as they continue to fool around like little kids. He starts the car and turns on the local news, waiting for the countdown until they verify and announce the results of the election. There's a special segment on each of the candidates, and he's pleased to see that Lu Han is two candidates away.

Until then, he watches the feature on Kim Minseok and his perfect life. Even as a teen, he was constantly praised for his leadership abilities, his charming manner of speaking and moving, his strong words and impressive intellect. People love Minseok, and it is justifiable.

Yixing feels the dread lurking in the pit of his stomach. Lu Han has some stiff competition, people that could have been his allies if Yixing hadn't persuaded them to decline the offer. Then again, Lu Han wanted a clean campaign and a legacy that he wouldn't be ashamed of. SM would have stripped away all the goodness that was inside him and hardened him from the inside out. Lu Han wouldn't be the man they knew or the man that he wanted to be.

He sighs. One more candidate until he hears what the people think about Lu Han.

Yixing smiles when he looks up and he's in the tunnel between a Ring Four and Ring Three. All Rings are connected by tunnels, but these tunnels are the most special. They're covered by clear glass, showing off the rich wildlife that they had within the massive walls of the city. At least Beijing had its own little wonders, and Yixing has to admit that this is the place that he calls home, the place that he loves to call home.

Soon enough, the wait is over. They show a clip of Lu Han's announcement speech, the way he calmly spoke to the crowd with confidence that he didn't actually have, a fact that Yixing is well-aware of since he was the one who had to hold Lu Han's hand before he went up that stage. Yixing laughs at all the nice things they're saying about Lu Han. He doesn't remember paying anyone off in this broadcasting station before.

Yixing isn't as worried as he expected himself to be, and he knows that he has to be the confident one between the three of them. There has to be a pillar holding everyone up, and Lu Han sure isn't that person. Yixing might as well do it.

When he arrives at the headquarters, everything feels normal. There are people rushing around, others with steaming cups of coffee in their hands and a silent prayer to not fall in their minds, others joking around and getting scolded by their bosses to go back to work. It feels normal, but they're all filled with anxiety, and Yixing can see that.

Lu Han and Joonmyun are in a conference room, the local news playing in one corner while they're just seated across each other. They stand to greet Yixing, and he rushes forward to hug Lu Han with his empty eyes. The older male doesn't respond, and Yixing sighs. This is a reaction he expected. Sometimes the optimism runs out, and he's just a plain old human being, less smiles and more sadness. It's a quite refreshing look on Lu Han, actually.

"I'm nervous," says Lu Han.

Joonmyun rolls his eyes and mutters, "At least he finally talked."

Yixing takes a seat and mutes the TV. What Lu Han needs is a moment to breathe, to get away from this, even just for a little while. Joonmyun turns off his phone and takes a deep breath. "What now?" he asks.

"Now, I get tea for all of us, and we wait. Whatever happens will happen," says Yixing. He pats Lu Han's head and goes to the pantry to prepare their tea. They have almost half an hour before the Election Commission declares the elected officials, so he takes his time.

Lu Han and Joonmyun are sitting quietly at the table, television still muted in the background, eyes cast low. Yixing serves their cups of tea and waits. Someone's going to crack eventually.

No one does, and soon enough, it's time for the announcement. They all gather in the main office area, shushing each other as the newscaster starts her opening speech. Park Yura is serious as she explains the situations and duties of their elected senators, and she lists down the senators that are retiring or stepping down from their positions.

"Now, the much awaited list of elected officials have been released for the public to see. Starting off with the most number of votes... We have Jung Yunho, re-elected for his second term." Yura smiles, fixing her papers and clearing her throat. She goes through the list slowly, giving the people enough time to process and celebrate, if they're affected positively by the election.

"... Kim Minseok, with the fifth largest number of votes. Then we have Lu Han--" And no one heard what she said next since everyone started cheering already.

Yixing sees Joonmyun and Lu Han hugging in the corner of his eyes, and he grins at them. Joonmyun still has Lu Han clinging to him, but he reaches out and pulls Yixing in. The three of them hug in front of the television, and for a few moments, they completely forget all their worrying and panicking and arguments and hopes that they fear might never be achieved. For a few minutes, all is well. Their hard work has bore fruit that they've been desiring for months.

Lu Han smiles at Joonmyun. Joonmyun smiles at Yixing. Yixing smiles at Lu Han. Everything's alright.

They start preparing for the celebratory party on the rooftop of the organization headquarters. It's easy to buy drinks and good and prepare the lights and sounds. People walk around in a happy daze, purely ecstatic to have a few hours without any worries for the first time in months. Joonmyun's in charge of arranging everything since he's always been good at the things that Yixing barely has a grasp on.

Meanwhile, Yixing is sipping a cup of tea in Lu Han's empty office, waiting for him to come in and spill his optimism and excitement on Yixing. He kind of misses it already.

His phone rings and he puts his cup down, smiling when he sees Jongdae on the caller ID. "Hello?" he greets.

 _"Hey! Tell Lu Han-- err,_ Senator _Lu that I said congratulations!"_ Jongdae's voice is loud as usual, and Yixing rolls his eyes at the sound of the kids being rowdy in the background as usual. _"You don't even have to guess, Yixing. They're being actual kids again."_

He laughs, shaking his head. "As expected. And I'll make sure to tell Lu Han once I actually _see_ him," says Yixing.

 _"Oh? You lovebirds aren't getting all frisky on the couch now that you have a few hours of freedom before the responsibilities pile on you again?"_ He blushes at Jongdae's words, and he clears his throat to show his embarrassment. To make it even worse, the kids start laughing loudly in the background, and Yixing is almost sure that hiding in a deep, dark hole would be absolutely perfect right now.

"Jongdae, please," he begs. He can almost see the gigantic smirk on Jongdae's face right now.

 _"Ooh, save your pleas for later tonight,"_ teases Jongdae.

"Jongdae, _please!_ " Yixing yells, and he buries his face into the throw pillow when he hears Sehun sarcastically comment, _"Well, that_ totally _didn't sound sexual at all."_

"Oh god, I'm hanging up. You guys are the worst." In a rare moment of sentimentality, Yixing smiles. "And thank you."

 _"You're welcome, Yixing. He makes you happy. We're glad to have done everything that we could,"_ answers Jongdae, and it isn't as forced as Yixing expected it to be. These men, they're his friends. They're some of his closest friends, and there's a reason why their firm works so seamlessly and perfectly. Yixing chose to work with people who he knew would understand him and his methods, and until now, they've never failed him.

"Thank you," he repeats. "And now I should hang up. I think Joonmyun might need me."

 _"Bye! Try to come home tonight. Or not. We don't want to_ ruin your fun, _"_ teases Jongdae. Some things should never change, Yixing hopes.

He leaves Lu Han's office and smiles at the people around him. It's nice to see them all rushing around as usual, and Yixing talks to his favorite intern in the Fundraising Committee. "Hey Seulgi. Is there anything interesting going on?"

She nods. "There are a bunch of reporters in the lobby. Joonmyun's busy with these preparations and no one can find Lu Han," Yixing's eyes widen at this, "so do you think you can go downstairs instead?"

"Of course. Around how many reporters are out there?" Yixing asks.

"Oh, nearly a hundred." Yixing gapes at her, and Seulgi merely shrugs. "It's no big deal; I'm sure you've dealt with worse."

Yixing sighs and starts walking towards the elevator. He's dealt with much worse, and it won't be bad to start doing something. It is pretty boring waiting around for others. He talks to the press and explains again and again how happy and excited they all are after the election of Lu Han, though Yixing has to correct himself and add "Senator" to his name countless times.

"He has many plans and ideas for our great nation, and we can't wait for them to start taking shape," says Yixing.

"So where's the senator right now?" asks a reporter.

"I believe he's upstairs, on the phone with his parents," Yixing lies. Not many knew that Lu Han wasn't as close as he used to be with his parents. They were traditionalists, and they didn't like the idea of their son being a philanthropist and using his big money to help others instead of simply working in a big bank and earning that much money for himself or for his family, like how they planned his life to be.

The questions keep coming and Yixing eventually raises his hand to silence them. "I will not be taking any more questions. Thank you."

He steps into the elevator and sighs. Reporters are almost like wild vultures, picking on everyone until they crack. At least now, Yixing has a party to come to and enjoy.

When the elevator doors open to the rooftop level, Yixing's honestly surprised to see the party well underway. The lights are set up; the music is blaring; everyone's having fun and drinking. Yixing spots Joonmyun on the couch, talking and laughing with another member of the Board of Directors, Byun Baekhyun. He catches the man's eyes and they nod at each other.

Yixing sees more of Lu Han's friends, people they've made deals with and other people that he doesn't recognize. He goes to a quiet corner and calls the office

 _"Hello?"_ Jongin answers. That's good. If someone else is there, that means Jongdae's sure to be waiting for them to leave so that he'll be the one to lock up the office. _"Yixing?"_

"Hey Jongin. Who else is still there?" Yixing whips his head around, looking for Lu Han. He isn't anywhere near the bar, and there are few other places to go to on the rooftop. Where is that guy?

 _"Everyone's still here,"_ he answers.

"That's great! Do you guys want to come up here for the celebratory party? We have drinks and food."

 _"Thanks but no thanks, boss. Jongdae finally treated us to pizza for the first time in years, and we'd like cheap beer over fruity drinks in nice glasses,"_ answers Zitao. Yixing laughs, already imagining how they would all look like right now. He almost feels jealous that they're all together right now and he's here, not even able to find the one person who he's staying for.

 _"Are you sure you're not in the mood for martinis or spiked punch with umbrellas in the glass?"_ Sehun teases.

 _"God, go away!"_ yells Zitao. _"Anyway, thanks for the offer, ge. Maybe some other time, we can all go out and get drunk together."_

"Alright, bye." Yixing hangs up and smiles. Having time to go out with the guys is great, especially since he hasn't gone out with them in almost a year. It would be nice.

The party is disrupted by the sound of someone hitting their glass with a spoon. Yixing walks back to the center of the party, looking for the source of the commotion. It's Joonmyun, standing up from his seat on the couch and holding his glass in his hand.

"Hello everyone," he greets, smile charming and suave. "Thank you for coming tonight. As we all know, this celebration party is for our newly-elected senator, Lu Han." Everyone claps, and Joonmyun raises his glass as a signal for more cheering.

"Most of you are here because you've witnessed the hard work that we put into this campaign, because you're a part of this man's legacy. The many months that we've spent together in that office have finally given us the results that we've been hoping for. Congratulations to Senator Lu, and congratulations to all of us too. Cheers!"

He raises his glass and they all follow, shouting and hollering. Yixing just grins, still looking for Lu Han in the crowd. He still can't find him, so he chooses to sit at the bar they set up and orders a beer.

In the silence of his mind, he notices how lonely he looks, as if he's waiting for someone that'll never come. He could go to Joonmyun right now, talk casually and watch him get completely drunk in public. He could even go home or back to the office where his friends are having fun without him. There are so many places he could choose to go to, people who he wants to be with, but he chooses to stay and wait for Lu Han.

Finally, he spots him leaning against the railing, facing the city lights. Yixing smiles, takes his beer and hops off the bar stool. He walks up behind Lu Han and stands beside him, leaning against the railing as well. The wind whips against his face, and the cool air is refreshing. Yixing tries not to look down, and he's not sure how Lu Han's surviving since he's always been the one who was way too afraid of heights. Then again, maybe that's one of the things that changed about Lu Han after all the time they've spent apart. A lot of things changed about Lu Han; even if Yixing still claims to know him well, there are too many things that happened, things that Lu Han experienced with Yixing. Some things are bound to change.

Lu Han doesn't step closer, nor does he acknowledge Yixing's presence. He doesn't speak, nor does he throw all his excitement and enthusiasm at Yixing. He simply stands there, staring at the city before him.

Yixing wants him to talk, wants to break this painful silence between them. They've been working together for over half a year; Yixing should have been there to experience everything that Lu Han went through. There are no empty periods in time when they were apart, so when did Lu Han have the space to change again without Yixing seeing it? What's changed? Why are things changing now?

"Lu Han?" No response. "What's going on?"

He doesn't answer. He opens his mouth and tries to say something, and then he closes it again, seemingly unsure of what to say. Yixing watches in silence, waiting for something to happen. Lu Han doesn't seem to understand himself, and neither does Yixing.

"I'm part of the world now," starts Lu Han. Hesitantly. Slowly.

"Yes, Lu Han." Yixing wants to bring out his usual sarcasm, the way he would normally speak to Lu Han, but something tells him that this isn't the right time for that.

"I'm a big part of this big world. The things I do... the choices I make all matter," he says. "There are going to be so many of my responsibilities piling one on top of the other. I won't have a minute to breathe, a second to think about myself."

Yixing frowns. "Lu Han, you chose this. We all worked hard for this. You can't back out of this, especially not now."

"If I don't even have a second for myself, how can I have a moment for others?" Lu Han looks up and stares into Yixing's eyes. The younger man doesn't understand, and his eyes are shining with wetness. He can't possibly mean-- no.

He could be telling Yixing that he doesn't want this or he doesn't want _them._ But maybe he's reading into it wrong. Maybe everything he thought wouldn't change just did, as soon as Lu Han spoke those words. Maybe there was never a _them,_ an _us_ that both Yixing and Lu Han were aware that they were part of.

Lu Han turns to face him fully. "Yixing, I'm sorry--"

"No." is all Yixing could say. He steps back; little movements separate him from Lu Han. Little movements take him farther and farther away from him, until Yixing's almost running as far away as possible, frantically pressing the button of the elevator.

Before the elevator closes, he sees Lu Han reaching out behind him, but Yixing is gone. And he sees Joonmyun still on the couch, shaking his head at Lu Han. Before he could interpret what that means, the doors close and Yixing finally, _finally,_ has the space to cry.

The sobs come way after the tears, when Yixing's alone in his car and he can see his misery through the rear view mirror.

The pain, however, doesn't end. It will never end.

 

 

 

Yixing prides himself on being strong, on knowing when and where to be vulnerable but maintaining a stoic face as much as possible. But now, here with people who he trusts, he allows himself to break down in Jongdae's arms.

This break up isn't as easy as the first one, if they even broke up when they were kids then. Now Yixing thought there was something, now they had something to ground their relationship on: the words that Lu Han spoke and the emotions that Yixing showed through every smile and movement. For once there was _something,_ and they still ended up with nothing.

So maybe it's acceptable for Yixing to cry now. Maybe he needs to empty his heart out until he feels nothing again, until he's back to being the strictly professional man that people once knew before Lu Han stormed back into his life.

They all sit in his office with him, and Yixing slowly calms down at the feeling of Jongdae's hands rubbing his back. He looks up at them, but they can't seem to meet his eyes.

"Gladiators," says Sehun in the corner, and everyone looks at him. "When you recruited me years ago, you told me that we're going to be like gladiators, strong even if the world is crumbling down around us."

Sehun walks up to him and places a hand on his shoulder. "And now, _now_ is the time to be strong."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lu Han's hands are shaking. When was the last time that he was this nervous? Maybe during his first campaign period, when he was a rookie that had such low chances of ever making it. Maybe during his second campaign period, when he was a slightly experienced senator with the hearts of most of the masses but lacking the support that pushed him to make it during his first try, support that he still could have had if he didn't mess up so badly.

When he looks to his left, Yixing's there, gazing at him softly. Lu Han goes back to his speech, trying to hide his blushing face. He recalls long nights, working on this speech and this grand announcement. He recalls flashes of smiles, little moments that he treasures now. He's going to miss it all when he's gone.

"Hey," someone says softly. Lu Han looks up, and it's Yixing. They smile at each other politely, and that's what everything they've been through has reduced to. Politeness.

"Hey," Lu Han replies. The flurry of activity around them seems to stop as they stand there, minutes away from one of the biggest moments in Lu Han's life.

"Do your best," says Yixing. They smile at each other and Lu Han feels warm all over. He hopes he won't be this flustered when he goes upstage later.

"I always do my best, Yixing." _Have faith in me,_ he wants to add. Yixing's smile is sweet and his eyes are soft and Lu Han's surprised as he reaches forward to fix his coat for him. They're still a foot apart from each other, but this is the closest they've been in a while. Lu Han almost wants to lean forward, breathe in his scent again, feel the warmth of his skin again, but he can't.

"Do your best," Yixing repeats, but firmer, less gentle. Lu Han nods and turns towards the stage hand standing beside them.

"Senator, you're almost up. Please stand by the stairs," he says. Lu Han nods and gently pulls Yixing's hands down.

"Thank you," says Lu Han. Yixing nods at him and mouths "good luck," as he steps aside, giving him space to put down his copy and stand near the stairs. Lu Han is terrified at the moment, but he smiles, not _too_ much though, and clenches his fist. This is now or never, and they've worked too hard for Lu Han to back out now. There is no such thing as giving up, and Lu Han has learned his lesson from that.

"Are you alright?" Lu Han hears Joonmyun ask Yixing. They stand behind him, ready to catch him if he falls, to push him forward if he falters. It's funny how some things change and yet some just don't.

"Why are you asking? Of course I'm fine. You should ask him; he's the one who looks like he's dying here," replies Yixing.

Still sarcastic and terribly honest. Some things really don't change.

"We've been in his exact position before, Yixing. We've gone through a lot." Joonmyun's voice softens at the second part. They've all gone through so much.

Lu Han turns around and smiles at them, being like he was still the optimistic thirty-two year old man he was eleven years ago. Joonmyun gives him a thumbs-up and Yixing simply smiles. That's enough.

He's ushered up the stairs and Lu Han braces himself for the lights and the scrutinizing eyes waiting for him up there. He pushes forward, the ghost of a real smile on his lips before he breaks into a plastic grin, the doll that he has to pretend to be until the world is ready to face who he truly is.

Then again, they're both behind him again, giving him strength, giving him the power to keep going.

 

 

 

Life without Yixing was a blur. It was a dreary blur, filled with deadlines and camera flashes and dark red lines and crosses on the drafts of his speeches. It was the most empty that Lu Han has ever felt, and yet he made it through.

Work kept him busy, and he was glad for that. Baekhyun, his good friend and another director in the board, took charge of the organization for him, keeping the charities and donation drives still alive while Lu Han slaved away on new bills and laws that the president wanted _as soon as possible, please._ And that always meant within two months or a month, if they felt like being work junkies.

Joonmyun's his chief of staff, but Yixing was right. He really did end up as a babysitter to a stubborn Lu Han. They've been partners for so many years, but working together this closely, nearly sharing their living spaces with each other, it brought them even closer together now. And the air between them is clear; Lu Han feels no guilt or doubt when it comes to Joonmyun.

No matter how many times Joonmyun begged for Lu Han to take a break, he would never do it. He could always say that he wanted to take a leave; he never took a single leave of absence during his entire first term, and people would surely understand if he needed to take a break.

But breaks meant spare time, and spare time meant thinking. Thinking always led to Yixing, and Lu Han wasn't ready for that. He wasn't ready for the memory of cold wind and wet eyes. He wasn't ready, even if it was years since he let go of Yixing. Some wounds weren't meant to be reopened.

"--Han? Lu Han, are you even listening?" Joonmyun slammed his palm against the desk and shook Lu Han back to reality. He really had to stop hiding inside his mind.

"Lu Han, you really need to take a break. No objections this time." Joonmyun pulled him out of his chair and tossed his coat at him.

"But I have work--"

"No you don't, Lu Han. I already arranged everything with the other participants in the summit and you have nothing you need to read through tonight that I can't do myself," said Joonmyun. He put his arm behind Lu Han's waist and pushed him forward.

"I have to check on the organization. What if Baekhyun runs it to the ground while I'm not looking?" Lu Han joked. He didn't expect to see Baekhyun leaning on the doorway, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I'm offended, Lu Han," said Baekhyun in probably real offense. "And for your information, Moon Tree is doing well. All of your major annual projects are ongoing and surviving. You really don't have to worry about it."

"How do you not worry when it comes to leaving your life's work into Byun Baekhyun's hands?" Lu Han asked Joonmyun. Baekhyun hit his arm and pulled him forward. Lu Han laughed. "Alright, I trust you! I'll go home if you really want me to."

"Thank god," Joonmyun muttered. "You really shouldn't overwork yourself, Lu Han. If you don't want to have lots of free time when you finally decide to take a leave, you should get a hobby or buy some books. You have to do something to occupy your life other than working."

Lu Han sighed. Joonmyun wouldn't understand.

As he sat in the car that night, he watched the city he grew up in, with all their blinding lights and noisy streets. He wondered where _he_ could be, if he's out doing something or he's still in his little office with his gang of extremely loyal goons, if he's eaten dinner already. _Probably not,_ Lu Han thought to himself. _He's almost worse than me, except he actually listens to Jongdae sometimes._

Lu Han placed his shoes into the rack near the doorway. Sure, the scent of smelly shoes may not be the best thing to welcome guests, but it was effective in reminding Lu Han not to walk around his apartment with dirty shoes. His cleaning maid would kill him if she could.

Lu Han's eyes zoomed in on a newspaper on the counter. Soonkyu must have left it after reading it there. He hadn't checked the news in a while, and he wasn't really that hungry. He started boiling water for some instant noodles and maybe a sandwich if he's really feeling it.

The first thing that Lu Han saw on the front page was Yixing's name. He was in court just a few days ago, defending a local business for the account of fraud. Knowing Yixing's true job, the businessman probably was guilty. But Lu Han liked how they described Yixing as a lawyer: strong, clear, and terrifyingly determined. He was so different from the Yixing that Lu Han met in university, but that was understandable. It's not like he stayed the same until now.

He didn't notice that he was itching for his phone until it was already in his hands. A part of him wanted to call Yixing, chat a bit, apologize a lot. There was something horribly wrong with leaving everything like this, never truly giving closure to them. The goodbye that they had back then... it wasn't goodbye. They can't just end like that.

He pressed his cheek against the cold countertop. Why was he such a horrible person?

He looked for Jongdae's number in his contacts. If he couldn't talk to Yixing, then maybe he could try with Jongdae. ‘ _Hey Jongdae. I just wanted to ask if Yixing's alright. Sorry to disturb you.’_

Lu Han was in the middle of eating his noodles when his phone beeped. ‘ _Yixing's fine, but why are you asking? Do you need anything from him?’_

"I need him," Lu Han mumbled. "Just him."

 _‘I miss him,’_ Lu Han answered simply.

Lu Han didn't want Jongdae to respond. He wouldn't know what to say to anything that Jongdae would say. He knew that Jongdae and Yixing were close, that they probably told each other everything. Lu Han's dependence on Joonmyun is equal to Yixing's trust in Jongdae. He didn't know if he really wanted to hear from someone who understood Yixing better than he ever will.

_‘It was your mistake, Lu Han. You can't expect Yixing to be okay with you and what you did, even until now. I'm sorry for being rude, but Yixing is one of my closest friends. I don't like seeing him hurt.’_

Lu Han didn't reply anymore. He couldn't. He shouldn't have asked in the first place.

Lazily, he stood up and placed his bowl in the sink. He stretched and started walking towards the spare room in his penthouse. As he flicked on the lights, he marveled at everything Joonmyun did to the room.

One wall was filled from top to bottom with newspaper clippings, post-its with various ideas, pictures of people that Lu Han should watch out for. The room smelled of coffee because Joonmyun begged Lu Han to bring the machine into the room so they could stay up late while Lu Han read through various proposals and protocols while Joonmyun went on with planning.

And on one wall, in a huge roll of paper with big, bold letters, is the logo of "Lu Han for President, 2135".

He sighed and sat down on his favorite chair, still staring at that banner. Lu Han could say no, disappoint Joonmyun and waste all of his plans for nothing, or he could say yes and make Joonmyun happy, make everyone in his office happy, but not be happy with himself.

Why would he choose to do something that he didn't really want? This was a commitment he wouldn't be able to back out from. Joonmyun told him all the responsibilities that he would have to face, the nation he'd have to carry on his shoulders, the life that he'd have to let go of and the one that he'd have to embrace. Did he really want that?

He dialed Joonmyun's number and waited for him to pick up. _"Hello?"_

"Joonmyun, I'm in. I'm running for president."

Lu Han could practically see Joonmyun's smile through his voice. _"Really? Lu Han, are you sure about this? Are you really, really sure?"_

Lu Han smiled. "Yes, I'm sure, Joonmyun."

_"Can I visit you right now? We have so much to talk about, so many things we need to think of--"_

"Hey, I thought I was supposed to rest tonight," Lu Han teased. He could hear Joonmyun's groan from the other side of the line.

 _"Come on, Lu Han. You can't just hit me with something big like this and not expect me to get on it right away. We've known each other for too long,"_ he complained.

Lu Han laughed. "Alright, come on here." He hung up and waited, staring at the wall of Joonmyun's ideas. It almost felt like it's not his campaign, not his legacy, but Joonmyun's instead. He's okay with it though. He saw Joonmyun's effort, saw parts of himself, his values and principles and beliefs, in every little detail that Joonmyun thought of.

Joonmyun arrived almost an hour later. "Sorry! Baekhyun kept me back for a little while with some crap about a business trip. Whatever. He's not going to keep me away from you now that _this,_ " he motioned to all of the things in the room, "is happening. This is a big deal!"

"It is," Lu Han said quietly, still not sure about agreeing to do this.

"Exactly. And that's why we can't do this the way we ran for your second term," Joonmyun said. Lu Han narrowed his eyes at the tone of his voice. He was about to say something that Lu Han might not like.

"What do you mean by that, Joonmyun?"

"I mean," Joonmyun bit his lip, "we might need to get professional help again."

Lu Han sighed. He knew what Joonmyun meant, and he knew that he was right. While campaigning for Lu Han's second term, they didn't know what they doing exactly; they just tried to follow what they did on the campaign with Yixing's help. This is a presidential campaign; they can't act like they're just grasping on straws.

"Alright," Lu Han said weakly. It wasn't wrong to be hesitant, but Yixing was a professional. Lu Han was a professional, or at least he always tried to be. They would manage.

"If Yixing agrees, of course. I understand why you're hesitant, and I know that he is too. But we can do this, Lu Han. We need him, and we'll be able to bring him to our side."

But all Joonmyun saw was their backs. Joonmyun didn't see the tears in Yixing's eyes. Joonmyun didn't hear the things that Lu Han said, the lies he spent so much time thinking of just to find a way to drop this commitment that he might have wanted with Yixing. Joonmyun didn't feel the guilt, the regrets dropping all at once as soon as Yixing disappeared from his sight.

Joonmyun didn't understand anything. He thought he did, but he wasn't the one who was still drowning in his guilt after all this time.

"Now I should go home. We have a lot of things to do tomorrow," said Joonmyun. He hugged Lu Han tightly before leaving.

Suddenly all alone, Lu Han felt empty. He stood up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of some random hard liquor and a glass. It scared him, the thought of seeing Yixing again how would they be now. Rejection was scary.

Lu Han closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them again, he saw everything in a different light. He turned his head to the side and saw Yixing, a young nineteen year-old Yixing, sitting down on the bed beside him, smiling.

"Hey," he whispered. He placed a hand on Lu Han's forehead. "Fever, huh?"

"Yeah, it sucks," croaked Lu Han. He knew his voice could go a bit farther, but he felt strangely tired.

He was surprised when Yixing slipped under the covers with Lu Han and hugged him tightly. "Yixing, you'll get--"

Lu Han was cut off my Yixing's plush lips on his, the perfect way that they'd melt into each other's bodies. Lu Han pulled away though, trying to control himself. "Yixing, you're going to get sick. We shouldn't."

"Oh please. Don't pretend as if you don't want this." Yixing smirked, and Lu Han couldn't resist himself. He pulled Yixing back in again, claiming his lips in a flash. Yixing chuckled and hugged his waist tighter.

Lu Han couldn't remember falling asleep until he already woke up. He still felt cold, but he felt nothing but warmth when he saw Yixing sleeping peacefully in his arms, lips swollen and red from all the kissing. He cupped Yixing's cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"I love you," he whispered. Yixing didn't move an inch. Lu Han sighed in relief.

_It's good that you didn't hear that. I have a tendency to say the right things to the wrong people, and I don't want to ruin what we have right now. You're one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I don't want to ruin us._

Abruptly, Lu Han was doused with cold water, and he shivered until he finally woke. Joonmyun was grinning at him, the now-empty glass of water in his hand.

"Rise and shine, Lu Han. We have work to do today." He put down the glass and grabbed the half-empty bottle of whiskey. He dropped it into the trash bin, and Lu Han cringed at the sound of breaking glass. "Starting with that. No drinking, smoking, going out with girls and guys."

Lu Han groaned. "Come on, Joonmyun. I'm not a child--"

"You kind of are, Lu Han. Remember, prohibitions exist for a reason. They kept you out of trouble last time, right?" Joonmyun smiled brightly at him and pulled him out of his chair. "Come on, bathe and get dressed. We're starting to prepare the headquarters."

When Joonmyun said that they were "starting to prepare," he really meant that they already had a fully-functioning team. Joonmyun simply shrugged. "You know that I'm always trying to be one step ahead," he said simply.

They went inside Lu Han's office and Joonmyun placed his phone on the table. Before he could speak, there was a knock on the door and Baekhyun peeked in. "Come in," said Lu Han.

"Hey. Congrats on making the decision. Moon Tree's going to support you from the beginning to the end." Baekhyun smiled and hugged Lu Han.

"Thanks, Baekhyun. Go take care of the company for me." Baekhyun left with a wave. And then Lu Han turned to Joonmyun, still standing beside his desk. Lu Han could read Yixing's name in the old Korean Hangul on the contacts list.

"Are you ready to talk to him, Lu Han?" Joonmyun asked. "I need you to be honest. If you're not ready, then he certainly won't be ready to talk to you."

Lu Han shook his head. "I can't, Joonmyun."

He nodded. "Alright, I can do this." He called Yixing and put the phone on loudspeaker.

 _"Joonmyun,"_ Yixing answered. Lu Han's heart lurched at the sound of his voice. He sounded more tired than ever, and it's been a while since he's actually heard him speak.

"Hi Joonmyun. How are you?" Joonmyun tried the polite route, but Joonmyun saw right through him.

"Just get to the point, Joonmyun. I don't have time to waste for you," he replied. The hostility was new; it scared Lu Han.

"Fine. Lu Han's running for president," Joonmyun said. Yixing didn't even respond. "I just wanted to know if you'd be willing to help us out again."

"No," Yixing said abruptly. "I want nothing to do with him and his people."

"Yixing, _please,_ just try to hear me out. We need--" Yixing hung up on him. They stared at the duration of the call flashing on the screen instead of Yixing's name, and then they looked at each other. Joonmyun almost looked like he was about to collapse.

"Look, we don't need to complicate our lives any more. We can do this without Yixing, Joonmyun. We know enough to survive," proposed Lu Han.

"Sure, we can survive the press and the people's opinions on you and other basic things like that. But unless you've forgotten, SM is still after us. They haven't struck for the past eleven years, and I'm sure that if they're going to strike, it's going to happen now," Joonmyun warned.

"Joonmyun, relax. I'm telling you that we can do it. The basics aren't bad."

"But they aren't _enough._ " Joonmyun sighed. "Fine. If you really want to do this, we can do it. But where do we start?"

In the decade of political experience that Lu Han had, he was known for being the most social senator, always seen talking or laughing with someone. His connections proved to be useful in getting people to support him right away, even if his candidacy wasn't even sure yet. They had half a year to change their mind before Lu Han would really need their advocacy. It helped him start though, and they were okay for a while.

Until one morning when Lu Han showed a picture of all the people in SM having lunch together. The largest photo shows Changmin clapping Minseok at the back. The caption says, "Kim Minseok for President in 2135?"

"If that isn't a clear sign, I don't know what is," he muttered. Joonmyun checked his watch for a second. "I have somewhere to go. I'll see you later."

Lu Han collapsed on his chair. SM is pushing Minseok to run, and he's always been a step ahead of Lu Han when it came to votes. He was always a step ahead in everything, and there was no way that Lu Han would win over him. Combined with SM and their notorious dirty tricks, his chances looked slimmer than ever.

Now, Joonmyun always had a tendency of disobeying Lu Han, but when he came back from lunch with Yixing behind him, it just reached a whole new level. Lu Han stared at Joonmyun, and then he stared at Yixing. Or his feet, specifically, since he couldn't bring himself to look into Yixing's eyes after all his time.

"Lu Han, I know you said that we can do his, but you know that we can't. Now that SM is finally in the picture, we need more than just 'the basics' to survive," Joonmyun said. "I'll leave you two to talk about anything you need to discuss."

Lu Han reached out for Joonmyun before he left the room, but soon enough, he was left alone with Yixing. He didn't expect a hug like before, a soft "I miss you" whispered into each other's ears. He didn't expect anything.

"I'm willing to help you out, but don't expect me to dedicate my life to this campaign again. Don't expect me to hold your hand in every step of the way. You're merely my client, Senator Lu," Yixing said firmly. "I think it would be appropriate to discuss my salary before we start."

Lu Han was a little surprised by how he spoke. Then again, what could he have expected? He stammered out a quiet, "We'll pay you anything you want," before Joonmyun knocked on the door and stepped in.

"So, do you still need me to brief you on what we're mainly worrying about or can you guess that already?" Joonmyun asked.

"You think that he's not going to win?" Yixing asked sarcastically. "Let me tell you now: the odds are pretty low."

Joonmyun sighed in exasperation. " _Besides that,_ we have to worry about SM. Minseok and Lu Han have always been seen arguing and opposing each other's views, plus they started together and have been taking the same career steps together. Having a rival is both a blessing and a curse, but right now it's more of the latter."

"Competition is good. It may seem daunting to have to face someone, but they tend to give you a direction on how to run your campaign. Competition is good," explained Yixing.

"And since Lu Han hasn't been actively seen as the leader of Moon Tree, pulling that card out all of a sudden doesn't seem like a good idea." Joonmyun bit his lip. "What else does Lu Han have working for him besides that?"

Yixing smiled a bit while Lu Han hit Joonmyun's arm. "That's offensive to me!" he yelled.

"But oh so true," Yixing muttered. He cleared his throat and ignored the way Lu Han leveled his glare at him. "Anyway, that's why we always start nearly a year before we really announce anything. Your team is fully-functioning, and that's good. What we need is to give Lu Han a break from the legislation for a short charity trip. Try visiting some of your beneficiaries, and bring some press members with you. It shows how you've kept the organization going despite being busy. Start from there.

"I should go. I have another client." Yixing bowed before walking out of the office. In a moment of sudden courage, Lu Han followed him out and grabbed his wrist. Yixing turned around, shook his hand away and glared at him.

"Things have changed, Lu Han. I'm done playing along with your games," he hissed. "You're my client, and I only accepted because Joonmyun offered to pay me well. Don't expect anything more."

Lu Han watched him walk away, and he understood. He really did. He understood that there was no hope of anything happening between them again. He understood the reality of the situation.  That didn't stop it from hurting.

 

 

 

Lu Han feels Joonmyun urgently tug on his sleeve, and Lu Han plasters on a smile before he turns around. When he does, he's face to face with Kim Minseok, his greatest competitor so far and a man who he just can't seem to trust despite his cheeky smiles and warm voice. They stare each other down with blinding smiles for a few seconds until the reporters finally start to notice them. Having a competitor makes the game a little more fun and a lot more difficult, and it's never bad to use your rival as a boost for yourself. They both understand that, at least.

"Lu Han! It's good seeing you here," Minseok says, loud enough for the reporters to hear. They shake hands, and Lu Han even pulls him close for a friendly hug. Lu Han can feel his tight grip on his hand, and he squeezes even harder as if he's saying that he's not going to back down.

"Do be warned: your chances went from low to zero when you rejected SM all those years ago. You think we let you go scot-free?" Minseok's chuckle reverberates deep into Lu Han's chest. "That's not how we play the game, Lu Han."

"I know you have something for me, but that doesn't mean I'll back down because you tell me to," Lu Han retorts. They pull away, still smiling at each other. The reporters move on to the next set of senators meeting for the approval of an education bill they've all been developing for months now.

All of a sudden, a man appears beside Minseok, handing him a small note. Minseok reads it quickly and nods. "Tell them I'll be there."

Before the man could leave, Joonmyun stops him in his tracks. "Wait. Weren't you the reporter from Beijing Today? Do Kyungsoo?"

He turns around and smiles forcefully at Joonmyun. "Ah yes, that was me. I assume you two are the ones who got me fired," Kyungsoo says, gritting his teeth.

"Calm down, Kyungsoo," Minseok warns with a hand on his forearm. He takes a deep breath and shakes Minseok's hand away. "We have somewhere to be. I'll see you later, Lu Han."

Lu Han gives him a curt nod instead of politely smiling. He really doesn't like the tone of his voice, and he especially hates the threats. He looks to his left and sees Yixing quietly assessing the situation while Joonmyun's biting his lip really hard in nervousness.

"This is bad," Joonmyun mumbles. "This is really bad."

"I wonder what they're planning. I wonder how bad it'll be," Lu Han says to himself.

"Unless you've forgotten, SM isn't the only group of people out to get you. You can't focus on them and be blind to all the others," Yixing reminds them.

"We're the good guys here. If they plan on doing anything to us, we have to fix it without ruining all the good we've worked hard for," Lu Han says firmly.

Yixing rolls his eyes at Lu Han's shining optimism. "If we have to, we should play the game. We can't keep pretending that there's always a peaceful solution to everything."

"I can't believe you," Lu Han hisses. "We've talked about this so many times. _This is a clean campaign._ We are not going to let them ruin everything that I've worked hard on. This is _my_ legacy we're talking about, Yixing, not yours."

Yixing sighs and walks away from Lu Han coolly. He goes home and Lu Han almost wants to punch the wall, frustrated that they can never reach a middle point. Joonmyun pats his shoulder.

"He's more ruthless now, don't you think?" he says softly.

"I know! And it's more annoying than before. It's as if we never really understand each other," Lu Han says quietly. Before, they were always in sync when it came to thinking. It was so easy for them to work together, but now, after months of eating and planning and doing almost everything together, they still can't manage to be on the same page. It's starting to get tiring.

"You do know that you did this, right? That he started closing himself off and protecting his heart because of you?" Joonmyun knows he hit a soft spot for Lu Han, but the older male just shakes it off.

"Don't. Joonmyun, just don't," he says quietly.

"What I'm trying to say is: act like an adult and fix things before we lose our only hope of making it through this entire thing," Joonmyun tells him sternly. "We cannot lose Yixing. No matter what happens, he stays with us."

The meeting passes by like a blur for Lu Han. He participates as well as he usually does, but he doesn't really care. His mind is on his phone, on the few swipes and presses he needs to make before he can finally call Yixing, if he should call him in the first place.

As he goes home, he thinks of Yixing. As he eats and bathes and dresses, he thinks of Yixing. He wonders if he's okay, if he's as broken as Lu Han feels right now. He wonders if Yixing regrets getting into this argument too. He wonders if Yixing is already planning on leaving. He wishes that he won't.

He really wishes that he won't leave.

"Yixing," he calls out when they're alone in his office. The younger man turns around, but he doesn't seem to care about whatever Lu Han's planning to say. "I'm sorry--"

"Stop," he interrupts. "Let's just go to work. We don't need to talk about anything."

So they don't talk. They don't talk unless it's necessary. They let the days pass, the time fly by until they feel so empty that it hurts even more than it used to.

 

 

 

They had a rocky start, even more difficult than what Lu Han expected. The years of radio silence between them created a wall of awkwardness that they couldn't get past, and Yixing made it worse with his passive-aggressiveness and his obvious resentment towards Lu Han, resentment that he truly does deserve.

Every single conversation felt like an argument; every movement looked like an attack. Nothing was going right for them, but it's not as if they could do anything to fix it. Things were the way they were because of their actions in the past, and they could do nothing about that anymore.

What hurt more was seeing Yixing be pleasant with Joonmyun. It hurt to see him be relatively friendly, like a muted version of his old self, with everyone except for Lu Han. It hurt to watch from the outside; Lu Han wanted that Yixing back but he couldn't. He couldn't and he didn't deserve it.

After a few days, Joonmyun became Lu Han's chief of staff, babysitter and personal therapist. He was the one who had to sit down and listen to Lu Han complain about Yixing not talking to him, Yixing arguing with him, Yixing always shooting down his opinions and ideas, Yixing not even trying to act as if he cares, and a hundred other complaints.

"I'm just tired of it, Joonmyun!" he finished after another long ten minutes of ranting.

"You need him, Lu Han. You can't keep complaining and pretending like you're the one being professional here when you're also the one who keeps on complaining to someone who, frankly, doesn't care," Joonmyun said exasperatedly.

"He's right," a new voice suddenly spoke up. It was Yixing, leaning on the doorway. "And besides that, maybe you should try pulling your own weight, Lu Han. You can't expect all of us to serve and treat you like a prince while you just sit around and expect the results to come to you."

Lu Han saw red beneath his eyelids. "What is your problem, Yixing? Why can't you try to not be an ass?"

Yixing scoffed. "Calm down before Yunho arrives, Lu Han. He wouldn't want to make a partnership with someone who can't carry his own weight _and_ control his temper," he said sarcastically. "I have some advice that might be really easy for you: do anything he says if it involves getting power. I'm pretty sure you're used to doing that."

Lu Han had had enough. He rushed forward and slammed Yixing against the wall, causing the frames and certificates to shake. Yixing didn't seem to care, glaring back at Lu Han just as fiercely.

"I am done with your attitude!" Lu Han yelled. Before he could cause any more damage, Joonmyun pulled them apart and placed himself between them.

"Stop this at once!" He looked at both of them and stepped back when they seemed to be calmer. "Both of you, act professional! You're not kids who are allowed to fight all the time. You are two grown men who know the difference between right and wrong, who know that you shouldn't waste your time putting yourself against each other instead of trying to work towards the same goal," he raises a finger to stop them from interrupting, _"peacefully."_

Yixing stepped aside, shaking his head at the two of them. He stormed out, mumbling under his breath. Lu Han groaned, pacing in his office before walking out of the room too. When he entered the main office, they were all staring at him.

"What are you all looking at? Go back to work!" He kept walking towards the elevator, hoping that he could spend a few minutes alone in his car, thinking in silence. He didn't expect to bump into Yixing as soon as the doors opened.

Yixing crossed his arms and stepped back. "Go ahead. I know you're used to thinking of yourself before anyone else, so--"

Lu Han grabbed his coat and pulled him into the elevator, jamming his thumb against the close button before Yixing could run away. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Lu Han finally cracked. He rubbed his face tiredly, leaning against the wall.

"What's your problem, Yixing? Just tell me straight up," Lu Han said, trying to keep the pleading out of his voice. He didn't want to seem desperate, but he needed to hear something real from Yixing, something that wasn't laced with sardonicism or irritation.

"Did you think it was easy?" Yixing asked.

"What?" Lu Han narrowed his eyes.

"Did you think it was easy to forgive you after what happened between us? Did you think that I would be able to get over it quickly and be perfectly fine with seeing you again, without an apology or any sign that you regretted what you said, the things that you made me feel and hope for?" Yixing spat out.

Lu Han looked down, not ready to reply to him yet. Then came the most awkward two minutes of his life, two minutes that he could have lived without. The doors opened to the lobby and Yixing started to walk out when he turned his head to the side for a second.

"You have a meeting with Senator Jung in a few minutes. Don't forget," he said quietly.

"Where are you going?" Lu Han asked.

"I told you. I'm not going to choose the campaign over the firm ever again," said Yixing with a strong voice. It's good. Very convincing.

Jongdae and Park Chanyeol, a famous music producer, rushed over to him. Jongdae looked at Lu Han and smiled politely. Yixing placed a hand on Chanyeol's forearm. "What's wrong?"

"The girl... She's threatening to go to the press about the baby and ruin my career," he whispered frantically. "We need to stop her somehow. Please."

Yixing nodded. "Jongdae, get the car. Let's go."

Lu Han grabbed his hand. "You're not going to stay for the meeting?"

"No." He shook Lu Han off. "I _will not_ choose your campaign over my firm, Lu Han. Don't forget that."

Lu Han pressed the button to his floor, watching Yixing walk away. When he arrived at his office, Joonmyun didn't prod or ask. He didn't have to since Lu Han wasn't going to speak up anyway.

Yunho arrived a few minutes later, and Lu Han put on a smile as quickly as he could. They talked about small, insignificant things, and when Lu Han finally decided to talk about the partnership, Yunho already made a decision.

"I've always supported you, Lu Han. You don't have to worry about anything," he promised. They smiled at each other, shook hands, and that was it. Lu Han really didn't have anything to worry about. Yunho left in a while, saying that he had someone to visit in the hospital.

Joonmyun handed Lu Han his phone. "Yixing called earlier, checking on you. He might be waiting for a reply."

Lu Han knew what Joonmyun was like when he wanted something done. He tried, he really did, but he couldn't bring himself to call Yixing. Not after what he said earlier. Not yet.

But he couldn't live with the feeling of even more regret weighing heavily on his shoulders, so he planted his feet on the floor and called Yixing when he was alone in his apartment. The phone rang once, twice, thrice until Yixing finally picked up.

 _"Hello?"_ he answered groggily.

"Yixing, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not talking to you for years. I'm sorry for making the distance that I caused  between us grow larger and larger. I'm also sorry for the months we spent together, the ones a decade ago and the ones when we were much younger, much happier. I'm so sorry, Yixing."

Lu Han didn't expect that to come out from within him all of a sudden. He didn't expect Yixing to respond at all, and he was right. He sighed. "You know what? I'll just go. Good night, Yixing--"

 _"No,"_ said Yixing suddenly. Lu Han waited for him to say something more, to show any emotion other than anger, but what he got was silence. Again and again, that was all Lu Han was going to get.

"If we can't be friends, if we can't go back to even a semblance of what we used to be, can we at least be professional? It might make things easier for both of us," Lu Han proposed.

Yixing hung up. And that was it.

They went back to work the day after as if nothing happened. Yixing was still cold to Lu Han, and Lu Han still couldn't resist arguing with him in anything and everything. This was how they were, and they couldn't change that anymore.

 

 

 

 _"A-and I, I am sure of-- that we all have a future--"_ Lu Han turns off the projector disk and hides it away. Yixing been showing him the clip of his failed interview in a conference for the past few minutes, and he's had enough of the embarrassment. Yixing takes the disk back and shows the video again.

"Turn it off, please," Lu Han begs, hiding his face behind his hands.

"I won't until you learn from it," Yixing says. Joonmyun nods his agreement from the couch.

"I can handle myself," Lu Han insists. "You can stop embarrassing me now."

"Nope," Yixing pauses the video and Lu Han sighs in relief until Yixing pulls up a chair in front of his desk, "and now you have to go through your platform again and again until you know those interview answers by heart."

"What's the point to all of this?" Lu Han asks.

"That was a scripted interview, and you messed up the lines that we made even if it was your platform. These are your principles and beliefs, so you should know them by heart," explains Yixing. "Now go. We have all day."

"Nope, not today. I have to go through these policies they they're trying to approve in the organization." The stack of papers are plucked away from his hands by a grinning Joonmyun. He hands it to Baekhyun, who just magically appeared, and Baekhyun smiles at Lu Han.

"I can take care of those," says Baekhyun. "Have fun with these two, Lu Han." And then he leaves.

 _That traitor,_ Lu Han thinks to himself. _I'm going to get back at him one day._

Lu Han hears Yixing chuckle before he beckons to Joonmyun and they both sit in front of his desk. They drill him again and again, again and again, until Lu Han feels like his tongue's going to fall off because of how many times he's said "equality" and "strong ties with other countries in the Nations" and other little details that Lu Han remembers forgetting during the interview.

"Well," Joonmyun clears his throat, "I need to know when Lu Han will be ready for the tour. Our sponsors need a schedule as soon as possible."

"I'm ready," Lu Han says firmly. He looks over at Yixing, asking for affirmation.

"He's ready," Yixing tells Joonmyun. "You can give us the schedule and he'll be able to handle it."

Joonmyun grins, bringing out his phone and starting to open up his contacts. "Good. They've been waiting for a few weeks already, and I was afraid that they'd start being unhappy if we didn't give them any details soon."

He leaves Yixing and Lu Han alone, and they sit there in an awkward silence for a while. Lu Han hates these moments, and he can't even reach over to get his phone and pretend that he's doing something. Yixing looks uncomfortable too, and it kind of helps to know that they're both feeling this way.

"Are you serious?" Lu Han asks Yixing when he finally got the courage to do so. "Do you really think I'm ready for this?"

"I've always thought you were ready, Lu Han. Listening to you right now, it's obvious that you didn't think you were ready before," he points out. They do this awkward thing where they try to smile at each other, but they end up looking constipated and even worse than before. Still, it's polite to try at least.

 

 

 

It was easier to find fault in each other instead of trying to make it work. Lu Han would always blame Yixing, and Yixing would always blame Lu Han, but at the end of the day, neither of them really won. They were both exhausted, so it wasn't easy to see who made it out of the battlefield alive.

"Ryeowook wouldn't want me to let go of that property, and you know how long we've been good friends in this. You can't expect me to throw away a good relationship with the speaker of the house!" Lu Han yelled.

"And you can't expect me to accept the fact that you're wasting so much money on something that's dying. No matter how much you try to preserve that old gunk of a building, no one's ever going to care about it." Lu Han was taken aback by his words. "It's a waste of assets, Lu Han. Drop it."

Lu Han raised his hands in exasperation. "I've had enough of this."

He stormed out of the room, filled to the brim with exhaustion. Yixing didn't understand him anymore, and it's so frustrating to try and negotiate with someone who doesn't care enough to consider your opinion. Lu Han hid on his balcony, taking deep breaths instead of trying to plunge himself off the top level of his building. He has never been this tired of fighting in his entire life

He sat down and thought of getting a drink. Joonmyun would kill him for it, and he'd probably catch him in the act anyway, but it felt like a good idea. It's a good thing he always had an icebox with a bottle of beer waiting for him in the balcony for moments like this. Still, his hand stopped as he placed the opener on the cap. Joonmyun always found a way to punish him somehow, and he wasn't in the mood to piss him off.

When he finally tuned out the sound of the city below him, he was able to hear Joonmyun and Yixing talking inside, almost arguing actually. "Just try, Yixing. Neither of you will achieve anything if you keep acting like this. You're tired, he's tired, I'm tired! We're all exhausted, so just set aside all of this crap and try to do something worth your time instead of fighting all the time!"

"Joonmyun--"

 _"No,"_ he sternly interrupted. "I feel like I'm the only adult here. I feel like I'm the only one who really understands and sees the big picture. _We need to win,_ but we haven't even started with the actual campaign period, and we're already falling apart. I know you have a past with him, but you were the one who said that we are just your clients. _You_ should try acting professional too."

Lu Han was infuriated. He wanted to stand up and tell them that it was never going to work from the very beginning, that they should just stop this right away. He's had enough. They've all had enough. They're ruining themselves by forcing this to happen.

"I'll try."

Lu Han's jaw dropped. "What?" he mumbled to himself. Since when did Yixing ever try? Since when did he care enough to do so?

"Good. I thought that Lu Han was the only one with a thick skull around here, but I'm happy that I got through yours too," said Joonmyun. "I'm going home. I'll see you two tomorrow."

Lu Han waited for the door to open, for Yixing to take a seat, for them to talk. He waited and waited until he was tired of just sitting there, and that's when Yixing stepped outside and placed a bottle of whiskey on the table, pouring some into a glass.

"You do know that Joonmyun stops me from doing anything remotely enjoyable, right?" Lu Han asked.

"Of course. The drink's for me," Yixing muttered, taking a long sip. Lu Han looked to his side, watched Yixing's throat bob as he swallowed, and then he looked towards the city again.

Buying the penthouse was one of the best decisions that Lu Han made. He loved the place, loved the cold, crisp wind always blowing at this area. And it was quiet, despite being in one of the busier areas in Ring Two. He was on top of the world. He loved his home.

And the balcony was his little area in the world. Even Joonmyun didn't go out with him whenever he was there. The only person who dared breach those glass doors was Yixing, but he'd never know how significant it really was to Lu Han. He wouldn't care.

It was easy for them to stay silent. It was easy for them because they had no words that they really wanted to say freely, without consequences or malice or pretenses that only hide what they actually mean. It was easier to just say nothing.

"Do you remember," Yixing started, "when I asked you if you thought it was easy to forgive you?"

How could he forget? Yixing must have underestimated him for thinking that he would let go of something like that so easily.

"I forgave you," he said. Lu Han looked at him right away, tilting his head in confusion. If so, then why were they like this? Why were they even having this conversation?

"I was okay, Lu Han. I forgot everything. I was at peace with you, as long as our lives stayed far apart." He paused to pour himself another glass and finished it. "And then Joonmyun called me, begging for me to help you." He laughed dryly. "I said no, and then he begged harder. I said no again and again and again, but he wouldn't let me go. I wish I stayed strong. We wouldn't be here if I did.

"I'm not as angry or as hurt as I used to be, Lu Han. I went through a dark phase in my life, but I'm done with that."

"So why are we like this? Why can we never stop fighting? Why do you always act as if you're mad at me?"

Yixing shrugged. "I honestly don't know." He put the glass down and faced Lu Han. "I will be civil. I promise that I'll try, at least."

Lu Han opened his mouth, wanting to say something, maybe a promise equal to Yixing's. He said nothing and just watched Yixing drink. Yixing stood up, pat Lu Han's shoulder and left with the bottle and glass. He waited for the sound of the front door closing and the security lock sounding throughout the penthouse before he let go of the breath he was holding.

They can make as many promises as they want, but it wouldn't matter if they didn't deliver.

Yixing did deliver though, and they tried. Less words meant less arguments, so they started with that.

"Thank you," Lu Han heard Joonmyun say to Yixing once.

"It's for the best," he replied.

 

 

 

Lu Han hears a knock on the door. He pays it no mind, thinking that it's another new intern who doesn't know that he doesn't care much for courtesy. It's Joonmyun who pops in, seemingly meek in front of Lu Han. The older man narrows his eyes at him.

"What?" he asks irritably.

"You're one of the most searched keywords on the internet right now," says Joonmyun. Lu Han shrugs.

"And so? Why am I on the list anyway?" Joonmyun shows him his phone, an article about him and Victoria, his last ex. She talks about all his vices and problems that she had, how she supported him and helped him change into a better person, and in the end, he just threw her away.

He feels his heart drop. And so it begins.

"They're asking you to go on TV and explain. It might help, even if people don't believe you," Joonmyun suggests. His voice is too high-pitched though, too terrified to even seem as cool and calm as he's learned to be. Victoria was someone who was so close to everybody in Lu Han's life, and who knows what she can pull out against Lu Han? The worst enemies are the ones that you've loved and let go of, even if they still wanted to hold on.

Yixing walks in, staring at the two of them. "What's going on?"

Lu Han shakes his head, not wanting to explain himself to Yixing. The dark life he lived without Yixing wasn't something he liked to discuss with him. Even Victoria was this brief light that flooded his world, some things were not meant to be talked about.

"There's going to be a poll held tomorrow. I'm sure that people will dislike you more now; Victoria is the nation's sweetheart. This is a nightmare," Joonmyun despairs. Lu Han merely stares at the wood of his desk, thinking about Victoria and her warm smiles, how he liked to make fun of her huge forehead but kiss her on it anyway, how she laughed when she let go of her self-control and just went crazy whenever they were alone.

"I didn't think this would happen, that she'd be the type to do this," Lu Han murmurs. Maybe it hurt more because he trusted her. Maybe it hurt more because she just let him go back then, let him run away from without a clear explanation, but now she's suddenly trying to ruin his life.

"Relax, okay? We'll handle this," Yixing assures them. Lu Han looks away, trying not to meet his eyes. Yixing doesn't understand. Victoria became a part of their family here. Victoria was someone that they all loved and cared for even after the breakup.

"We start with television appearances. I'll arrange it well so that you won't explode on TV all of a sudden. The speech can be practiced, or you can try and do it the less manly way." Joonmyun raises his eyebrow. "You know, start crying on TV and tell the world that you loved her and didn't throw her away. Watch some records of the people in the old days. They ate those up like crazy."

It's easy to prepare a speech, act vulnerable and speak as if all these words are coming from your heart. Lu Han slowly developed that skill after all these years of being in the public's eyes. It's not easy to see that people are still against you, that people believe every single thing that the other party says.

"It's always hard to be the accused, Lu Han. Don't be too hard on yourself," comforts Yixing.

"She says you can deny as much as you want, but she knows the truth," Joonmyun reports. "This is exhausting."

"It is," Lu Han says weakly. "I should go home."

"Go," says Joonmyun. "You should rest up. The journey gets harder from here, Lu Han."

As he drives back home, he turns on the radio, hoping that it would calm him down. It doesn't. Almost every station is talking about him or Victoria, and if they're actually playing music, the song ends and they talk about him too. It's exhausting. He doesn't know why he chose this life.

Why did he choose this? He was happy with his organization. He was happy with his life. What was the point of all this? Now he feels his ambition stabbing himself in the back, taking back his success and replacing it with shame from someone who he loved.

And that's someone he can't stop thinking about too. Victoria. They were so perfect together, both successful and rich and compatible. It almost pained him to think of those teary eyes staring at him in indignation, wondering why he's doing this, if it's her fault why he's leaving her.

 _"Why, Lu Han? I just don't get it,"_ she asked him before. Those eyes... They reminded him of Yixing. It made it feel worse.

Lu Han has a bad habit of running. He runs away from his problems and expects others to fix it by the time he's brave enough to come back. That's probably his fatal flaw, and he can't expect that to be his life if-- _when_ he wins as president. He can't expect Joonmyun to run the country if he's starting to break down because of the pressure.

He opens his eyes and he's already in bed. He doesn't remember how he got there, but he does remember flopping down on the bed and drifting to sleep right away. The doorbell's ringing, and Lu Han crawls over to the side of the bed and opens a drawer. The screen inside shows Yixing waiting in the hall. He looks directly at the camera and Lu Han sighs, pressing a button to open the door. He'll take the lecture now if he really has to.

Lu Han doesn't pretend to be okay as Yixing enters, and he resumes his moping on the bed. The nap was nice, but now it's back to stressing out and feeling depressed about this turn of events. Yixing stands by the doorway, and Lu Han almost wants to tell him to pull up a chair since he's not going to stop being sad any time soon.

"What's the story?" asks Yixing. "I've spent the past few days writing those speeches and organizing things without even knowing why everyone in the office seems so bummed."

Lu Han sighs. He rolls on his back and remembers lying down on this bed with Victoria when he realized that he couldn't live life with her anymore. He remembers hanging up glowing star stickers on the ceiling in her old apartment, and the fact that he knows that she moved three times already totally doesn't say that he kept tabs on her after all this time.

"We met at Zhou Mi's birthday celebration a few years ago. I was a little tipsy and Joonmyun wasn't there to hold me back from doing anything, but I'm glad I didn't chat anyone up too much. Victoria was the only one who responded to me and laughed along and let me act like a douche. We clicked, and it was so easy for us to message and call and slowly start dating.

"We were happy, Yixing. We were so happy. Everyone in the office loved her because of her movies and also because she was a genuinely sweet person who visited me often. She even met my parents, and for the first time since I left to develop Moon Tree, my father actually smiled at me. I made him _happy,_ Yixing. Victoria completed my life somehow, and everything felt like it was falling into place. I said that I loved her. I really did.

"Then suddenly, we were just lying down and she started talking about kids. She talked about three kids and a nice house in Ring Two in a nice neighborhood. She talked about this completely different life that I wasn't ready for. She wanted a simple life, a picture perfect scenario where we would be happy forever, but that wasn't possible.

"I was an idiot for breaking up with her all of a sudden, I know, but what else could I have done? Watch her plan this life that I never wanted to live? Let her turn me into this perfect husband that I never saw myself to be?" He sighs, voice starting to waver. "I told her that my life was too hectic, and I didn't want her to get left behind. She didn't understand, and neither did I. I left before I could have time to regret my decision."

"And she knew nothing about the campaign?" Yixing confirms.

"The campaign was just an idea back then. I never really thought of pursuing it until a few months later." Lu Han digs his head into the pillow beneath him. "Sometimes, it's so easy to fall in love with someone. Victoria was easy to fall in love with." Lu Han rolls to his side to face Yixing, and he hopes that the younger man got the hint. He doesn't want to say it because there's no point, but he wants Yixing to know.

"Sometimes it's easy to fall out of love with someone, and I think that's what happened with Victoria." Lu Han rolls to face the ceiling again. "Sometimes, you're just meant to never fall out of love."

Lu Han doesn't want to face Yixing. He doesn't want to see any more indifference. That probably wasn't enough of a confession, but it was all Lu Han could say. It's the only thing that he could say without Yixing shooting him down in an instant.

"You made a huge mistake by leaving her in the dark like that," Yixing says quietly. "People hate being left in the dark."

Lu Han doesn't even have to ask to know that he's talking from personal experience. He's never felt this horrible about himself, but he deserves it.

"Talk to her directly. Media battles like this are too dangerous, especially when the person you're against is so much more influential than what you think. If you have a private talk, just the two of you in a room, it's easier to clear things out," Yixing advises. Lu Han's hand hesitates over his phone. Her number's in there; even if she's changed it countless times since their breakup, he's always known what it was. He's always known how to reach out to her, but he fails to do it every single time.

He searches for her name in his contacts, looking up at Yixing every now and then for the push he needs to keep going. He has to fix things, with Victoria and with everyone else. As the phone rings and Lu Han is left waiting, he hopes that she picks up. He hopes that he can redeem himself somehow and do what he has to do, even if it means letting go of some of his barriers so he can get there.

 _"Hello?"_ she answers. She sounds tired. So is he.

"Victoria, we need to talk," Lu Han says softly. She scoffs on the other side of the phone.

 _"If this is your way of trying to stop me from ruining your chances completely, I'm telling you now that I won't stop until the end."_ The anger in her voice should have told him that this is hopeless from the very beginning.

"Please. Just go to my office tomorrow. I need to talk to you, and this isn't just to stop you. We really do need this." The way he said it in earnest should have told her that he's unlikely to ever give up just like that.

 _"Fine,"_ Victoria says, and a part of him feels better just by knowing that she's giving him a chance, even if it seems like she's just humoring him to put him down even further. He knows her so much better than how she thinks he does.

Yixing stares at him, openly scrutinizing his every move and every word. Lu Han wants to beg him to stop. Right now, he's too shaken to simply accept this from Yixing. In a few days, Lu Han's had to reopen wounds that he inflicted on himself, wounds that he refused to accept. Victoria was not a regret, but his actions were.

On lonely days, before the campaign was in full swing and he had no time to think of anything other than it, he allowed his mind to wander to the small memories of her that stuck the most to his mind. He allowed himself to reminisce on her beautifully long hair: the way it would float around as she spun and walked; the way she'd pull it up into a bun as she cooked or cleaned his horrid apartment; the way it would slide down the smooth skin of her back when she woke every morning; the way it fell a bit above her shoulder when she had to cut it for a movie she was casted in and Lu Han couldn't hide the disappointment on his face when he first saw the bob cut.

"You could _try_ to act like you think I'm still beautiful," she said flatly, walking away from him before he could even respond. Lu Han chased after her and spent hour after hour worshipping every part of her body, telling her that no matter what changed, she'd still be the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on.

He allowed himself to reminisce on her perfectly sculpted body: the way she moved gracefully all the time, from climbing down the stairs in a gala gown to kicking a stuntman in the middle of her countless action movies; the way she would melt into Lu Han's arms every single night as they fell asleep together; the slopes and curves that every drop of sweat would slide down on.

He allowed himself to reminisce on her voice, and this is when it would hurt the most: the way she'd call his name all the time, from loudly calling him in the morning to have breakfast with her to repeatedly whispering his name in his ear late at night, like a mantra of desire; the way she would run her lines with him when they both had the time, and they both decided that Lu Han would be a horrible actor; the way she would softly whisper "I love you" into his ear when she thought he was fast asleep, but he knew that he couldn't sleep without those words if ever she was there to affirm her feelings for him, feelings that he certainly reciprocated.

He shakes his head. Yixing shakes his head too.

"Were you even listening?" Yixing groans. "You have to stop spacing out so much, Lu Han."

"It's funny how I was the one telling you that when we were much younger," Lu Han says quietly, looking up at Yixing with a blank expression. "It's funny how things change."

"It is, isn't it?" Yixing closes his eyes and clenches his fist. "Things change so abruptly. Even if we don't want them to, things are always bound to change."

Yixing clears his throat. "You're going to see Victoria tomorrow. Maybe you should think about what to say very well. This is a problem that only you can solve."

Lu Han nods, not really wanting to look deeper into Yixing's words. It's been a long night. Tomorrow will be an even longer day. Lu Han turns to his side and presses a button hidden in the headboard. The wall opens up and reveals a huge window, the view showing the expanse of the city's night sky. He knows that most of the stars he sees in the sky are just artificial; technology has finally done it, and they've managed to deceive everybody into believing that the universe they live in still has a little bit of natural beauty in it.

The stars keep him awake until they fade into the grey, into the purple and blue, until the sky is nothing but a bright field of light blue and faint white. Someone rings the doorbell, and Lu Han doesn't have enough energy to care about security. He opens the door with a button and waits for whoever the person is.

"Good morning," says Joonmyun. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not at all, Joonmyun," he answers.

"That's nice to hear," Joonmyun says absently. "Yixing told me that she's coming over today. Will she be subtle?"

"Victoria isn't cruel. She's not going to show up with a league of reporters around her, telling them that I'm out to pay her off or something. She's an honorable person,"  Lu Han tells him. He believes that fully; he knows her enough to confidently say that she would never do something like that.

So he dresses and drives to his office in silence. He sees the reporters by the front steps, so he takes the back route and hides in the basement parking before anyone could catch him. The office is still choked by the pall of sadness that they can't begin to explain. Hopefully, it'll end today. Hopefully, it'll end.

They try to operate normally while waiting. Joonmyun silently agonizes over the latest poll results; Yixing is busy talking to his client on the phone; Lu Han tries to review his schedule, but the numbers and places only fly by him as they usually do. Joonmyun seems content with him doing something "productive," though he'll never really know what's going on in Lu Han's mind.

They hear her arrive before they actually see her. The whole office silences outside the door, and soon the clicking of heels is heard getting louder and louder. Victoria opens the door, not intimidatingly, but with unspoken confidence. She's confident but not overbearingly so.

Lu Han wants to break into a grin and just smile at her all day. She is everything he wanted, and yet he does not want to be anything like what she needs for herself.

Joonmyun and Yixing bow before they leave the room, and soon enough, it's just them. Lu Han wants to say so much, to spill everything out to her, but he has to go straight to the point. They're not in the position to exchange pleasantries and make small talk.

"Why are you doing this, Victoria?" He's being as direct as he can manage.

"So we're really doing this, huh? No pretense, nothing to hide behind. We're just going to talk?" she asks.

"Please," he begs, and he's hoping that he doesn't sound even more desperate than he already seems.

"I can't bear to see you happy," she says. "I can't bear to see you achieving great things. I don't want you to have a good life without me, so if you won't take me back, then I'll make sure to ruin everything you have. I'm still mad, _furious_ even, that you just left me hanging. Did you think it was easy to forgive you?"

His heart drops at her question. He doesn't want to compare them, doesn't want to relive the heartbreak that he felt as he let them down.

"You didn't tell me about all these big dreams,  Lu Han. You didn't tell me that you were busy because of this. You gave me a shitty excuse, and I spent the past few years thinking about what it really was," she says angrily, voice rising with every word that she speaks.

"Just stop. Please stop this, Victoria. This media battle will only make everything harder for us," he pleads.

Victoria shakes her head. "Tell me first."

"What?"

"Tell me why you left me. Tell me the truth. Tell me the very thing I've been thinking of since you broke it off with me years ago," she demands.

The truth would be so easy to tell. He could just tell her that he didn't want the life that she wanted, and there was no way around that except to break it all off.

Or he could lie to her. He could tell her that maybe he didn't really love her as much as she loved him, and the pressure to reciprocate that love was too much to handle. He could spew a thousand lies and she would probably believe it, and maybe he could end this entire mess with even more guilt on his shoulders and the thought that he lied to her again and again and again and he doesn't deserve anything but misery for the countless times that he did this to people who don't deserve it.

Or he could tell the truth. And that he does.

"I didn't want your dream," he says plainly. "I didn't want to marry you and settle down and have kids and live this simple and perfect life. I didn't want any of that, but I didn't want this to happen. Maybe I was stupid, giving up so quickly because I was afraid that letting our relationship run its course would change me and force me to simply accept this because I loved you.

"And I did love you, Victoria. Don't ever doubt that. Every night, I regret breaking it off with you because you were one of the few people that I've ever truly loved. Everything was so easy with you, but as soon as you mentioned that dream, I knew that we weren't meant to be."

"How could you say that, Lu Han? How could you just assume that for the two of us right away?" she asks, voice cracking heavily.

"I'm not meant for someone who has _ever_ thought of that. I'm not meant for someone who doesn't thrive on excitement, on the busy lives that we both lead." He holds her hand, and she doesn't push him away. "One day, someone will love you and want everything that you want. One day, we'll find the people who are meant for us, and I know that I'm not for you. I won't make you happy. I'll make you doubt our relationship everyday, and you'll be stuck with the constant worry despite your life being everything you wanted it to be."

When she lunges forward to hug him, he welcomes her into his arms, holding her tightly or else she'd completely slip from his grasp. Victoria doesn't cry much, but Lu Han has seen her at her worst and it still causes him great pain to see her like this.

 _You don't deserve to cry, and especially not because of me,_ he tells himself. Lu Han looks up, blinks away the slight wetness in his eyes, and focuses on Victoria. This isn't the right time for him to break down too; someone has to be strong for the two of them.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into her ear. "I am so, so sorry."

No apologies will ever be enough, he knows. But Victoria just grips his shirt tighter and tighter until it almost hurts to have her this close to him. "All I wanted was clarity, Lu Han. For the past few years, I've always thought that it was me, that I was the problem."

"No," Lu Han says firmly. "Don't think that. Don't ever think that. You are perfect just the way that you are, and one day, someone will see that and love you for all that you are and all that you want to be."

"But it's not going to be you?" she asks weakly, finally managing to tear herself away from him to look into his eyes.

"It's not me. It was never me." And he looked away. There was too much emotion in Victoria's eyes; he didn't know if he could handle it for a moment longer.

She leans up to press a kiss against his cheek, hugging Lu Han's neck afterwards. "I'm sorry too, Lu Han. I'm sorry for thinking that ruining your life would be the only way to make mine feel better. I'm sorry that I lowered your chances of doing amazing things because I was selfish. I'm sorry too."

He squeezes her hand, kissing her forehead as he always did before. Victoria smiles at him and leaves hesitantly, and it feels too easy. He didn't expect everything to just end like this. He didn't expect himself to be brave enough to finally be an honest person, to finally stop running and hiding. Victoria was a start. He has so much more to go.

For a while, Lu Han tries to empty his mind. No right judgments are made when he's overcome with real emotion like this. No right judgments are made when he's not in his right mind either.

"Lu Han?" a soft voice asks. It's Yixing, and his presence feels like a double-edged sword in times like this. Sometimes he could be very useful, soothing Lu Han with harsh words and the chilling reality. Other times, he just reminds Lu Han of another failed relationship, one that he could have done something about if he really wanted to.

But didn't he want things to keep going with Yixing? Why was he always such a coward?

"You alright?" he asks, walking in carefully, as if he's afraid to approach a spooked animal. Lu Han nods, not trusting his voice to do anything yet.

Yixing sighs. "I understand Victoria's situation. I understand the feeling of being left behind, and we both felt that from you."

"Yixing, I--"

"No," Yixing cuts him off, "but that's enough talking. I'm starting to forgive you, starting to be so much more okay. I don't feel like killing you every time I see you. I don't feel like killing myself because I'm afraid that it's always been my fault. I don't want to know why we really broke up. I don't want to know why exactly you broke it off between us. It doesn't matter to me anymore."

He tries to walk out, but Lu Han grabs his wrist. "Yixing--"

"What?" he snaps, and Lu Han opens and closes his mouth to see what would come out of it. Nothing does. Yixing shakes his hands off gently and walks out.

Lu Han doesn't know how to react, how to move. He closes his eyes and breathes. This will all be over soon.

 

 

 

They tried to stay away as far as possible from each other, and with all the things that happened between them, it was understandable. Baekhyun, however, seemed to have other thoughts about it. And he had a knack for torturing Lu Han as much as he could.

"Joonmyun, I need you to go to all of our donation ventures in North America for about two weeks," he suddenly announced. Joonmyun gaped at him.

"Byun Baekhyun, I have absolutely no time for your practical jokes. The declaration of Lu Han's candidacy is in less than two months, and we've barely started on the preparations. They're going to _die_ without me," he said. Baekhyun shook his head and looked at the tense expressions on Lu Han's and Yixing's faces.

"This isn't a joke!" he said. "I really need you to do this. You're in charge of our budget, and it's your responsibility to see what's happening with our money. Even if you haven't been doing much of that recently, I've excused you because of how important this part of the campaign is. I understood then, but this is just an event. I'm sure these two can handle it themselves while you go attend to the job that you've neglected for a little while now."

Baekhyun handed him an envelope with plane tickets and his itinerary. "You leave in two days. Have fun." He walked out before Joonmyun could get a word out.

Joonmyun stared at the envelope. "He must be kidding me."

"Not kidding!" Baekhyun shouted from outside the office. Joonmyun dropped his head on the desk.

"Oh god," he grumbled, "why is this happening to me?"

"It's not just happening to you," Lu Han quietly commented. He sneaked a glance at Yixing and sighed. They both look unhappy because of this, but who wouldn't?

Joonmyun stood up suddenly, hit with inspiration. "We should plan as much as we can while I'm still here. Two days is still a lot of time and--"

"No," Yixing interrupted. "That's not necessary. We can handle this, Joonmyun."

Lu Han looked at him, annoyed by his rejection of Joonmyun's help. What's his problem? Everything Joonmyun had planned for Lu Han had always worked out. He was basically Lu Han's greatest asset, even more helpful than Yixing and his ruthless determination. Why did they hire him anyway? It's not like they would have crashed and burned without him.

"I-- alright," he conceded. "I have some other things to take care of too. It's really alright for both of you to handle it on your own?"

"It's fine. We'll take care of everything," answered Yixing. And then Joonmyun left them, hurrying out of the office in panic. Lu Han was still staring at the floor.

"I dare you to complain, Lu Han." Yixing turned towards him. "Don't tell me that you think we won't survive without Joonmyun. We will. And it's obviously a ploy from Baekhyun to get him to take a break, a break that's long overdue."

Lu Han wanted to respond, but he couldn't get any of his words out. Fine. Maybe he had to be more mature about this.

"And we're all exhausted, Lu Han. Let's just get this over with as peacefully as possible."

When both of them understood what necessity was, it became easier to work together. Maybe back then, they had space for their personal agendas, but now there was no time. It's either they acted professional, or they wasted their time.

Separation helped. Yixing was given his list of tasks and Lu Han was given his. If they needed anything from each other, they could always ask, but they stayed as independent as possible. They were friendly enough to smile at each other in the morning, and that was a huge improvement from their situation before.

Lu Han's phone rang in the middle of his guest list screening. Yixing was sitting in front of him, trying to look for any press contacts that he had so they could invite them as well to the event. Lu Han saw Joonmyun's name on the caller ID and rolled his eyes. Of course he'd try to micromanage them.

"Joonmyun, we're alive. I swear," he answered.

Joonmyun chuckled, and Lu Han could imagine how he'd be shaking his head. _"You know I just want to check if you're alright. Of course I knew you'd be okay."_

"Lies," Yixing said. "You have no faith in us." His tone was joking, but he spoke the truth. Joonmyun really didn't trust them.

 _"Come on, guys. Have a little faith in me too!"_ He laughed. _"But really, how is it so far?"_

"It's good, it's good. So far, we have a stage and a reception area and a guest list that's halfway done. Am I right?" Lu Han confirmed with Yixing and he nodded. "Yeah, it's halfway done."

_"Good. I was worried that you two didn't have anything done at all. That would have sent me into a panic attack."_

"I can imagine that," Yixing said. "Go enjoy your vacation, Joonmyun."

 _"New York is not as fun as they made it look like in the pictures. Sure, the flying cars are pretty cool, but I'm pretty sure we'll get that in a few years or so. No big deal,"_ he said tiredly. _"I just want to go home."_

Lu Han and Yixing looked at each other. Joonmyun really needed this break.

"Go and enjoy, Joonmyun. We'll be fine," said Lu Han. A part of him was sure of that; they've sort of learned already. They won't mess up the slight peace that they've achieved.

It's funny how close they actually are. All three of them, they've gone through some huge things together. At the beginning, Joonmyun was a bit of an outsider because of Lu Han and Yixing's long history, but they became a team. And even if they've been broken apart, Lu Han still trusted the two of them with his everything. They were solid, especially when they were together.

 _"Fine, I'll let you two go. Take care of yourselves,"_ said Joonmyun. Lu Han smiled. _"You know I'll take care of myself. Don't worry about me."_

They hung up, and then Lu Han and Yixing were back in their world alone. Silence crept into their minds, and they tried to work efficiently, but something felt heavy in their minds. Lu Han risked a peek at Yixing and saw that he stopped working as well. Yixing dropped his phone and looked at Lu Han, a pensive look on his face.

"So, we're back to the plaza in front of the building?" Yixing asked. Lu Han was taken aback by the sudden work-related question, since they used to give each other soft smiles, a gentle "Are you okay?" when they had those quiet moments. That won't be happening any time soon. That much is clear to Lu Han.

"That seems like a good idea. I've spent a lot of time with the company recently. People wouldn't really mind, would they?" Lu Han asked for confirmation. Yixing nodded.

"They won't. At least I hope they don't." Lu Han tilted his head in confusion. "It's impossible to avoid critics. You should get used to it."

"I am used to it," Lu Han said crisply. Yixing wasn't there for the past eleven years when he had been struggling to get at least one thing right instead of always messing up and being scrutinized for it. Yixing wasn't there when he broke down because the senate president was trying to kill him by setting a deadline for a decision at the worst possible time. He didn't know any of Lu Han's struggles, the real ones that he couldn't hide with a smile so he chose to hide it completely.

Lu Han sighed. There's no use in making a big deal out of it. Yixing didn't know.

For the next few days, they went back to the radio silence. Yixing got better in handling logistics and simple arrangements while they finalized the guest list and Lu Han's speech. Joonmyun slowly stopped calling as he started his trip in Canada, from New Toronto to Vancouver. Lu Han liked it more when he and Yixing were left to handle themselves. He felt the tense silence melt into more familiar emptiness. It was nice.

"Do you remember our last campaign?" Yixing suddenly asked. Lu Han looked up from his computer, going through the financial records of Moon Tree for the past few weeks that he's taken more control over it again. Well, Baekhyun really was right when he said that he was doing well. It seemed as if all of Lu Han's activities just gave them more losses to deal with.

Back to Yixing, Lu Han simply gaped at him. He thought that would be taboo for them, a topic that they would never discuss until everything was over. Apparently not.

"How could I forget?" He had so many reasons to remember.

"We were young back then. Now I can see all those little mistakes that we could have avoided from the very beginning," Yixing commented. "It was a really long time ago."

"It really was." Lu Han looked away. The city didn't change, but its inhabitants did.

"It was a mistake," said Yixing suddenly. Lu Han didn't know if he meant the campaign or _everything else_ during and after it. "Let's go back to work."

Lu Han wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to break this peace, wanted Yixing to shout at him and speak with venom lacing his every word and show more than this empty _husk_ that Lu Han would never get used to.

Halfway through their usual work day, Yixing picked up a call and went to the corner. "What? Are you kidding me, Jongdae? We've dealt with this before; I'm sure you can-- you _what?_ " Yixing yelled. " _Fuck,_ nice job! I'm going over there right now; don't do a single thing!"

Yixing angrily grabbed his coat on the hook. "I have to go," he said with a grave voice. "Let me go."

"Go," Lu Han answered softly, afraid to agitate him any further. Yixing stormed out, and Lu Han didn't even have to ask to know that they've got an emergency at work.

He didn't expect it to be so difficult to have half a day just by himself, answering calls and dealing with people who he didn't really know, and he never saw this side of Yixing's job. Yixing always seemed like he was completely calm about everything, but Lu Han had half a day in his shoes and he felt like drowning.

Lu Han woke up to fingers gently prodding his shoulders and sides. He buried his head into the soft throw pillows of his office's couch and groans. "Go away, Joonmyun."

"It's Yixing." Lu Han froze at the sound of his voice. "Get up. Go home."

Lu Han rolled to his back and looked up at Yixing through narrowed lids. "Why are you here?" He looked around then down at himself. "Why am I here?"

Yixing chuckled. "I was thinking the exact same thing." He sat on the floor, just a bit above eye-level with the couch. "I'm sorry for leaving all of a sudden. I'm sure it was overwhelming to have to take over for me for a while, but I had an emergency."

Lu Han sat up, rubbing his eyes blearily. "What time is it?"

"Eight-fourteen. Go home," Yixing repeated. He stood up and offered his hand to Lu Han. The older male took it, not really caring anymore. Yixing was being nice. That was pretty rare, so he wanted to enjoy it.

"Take the day off. I'll take care of everything here," said Yixing. Lu Han opened his mouth to object, but Yixing shook his head. "You're tired. Get some rest today."

"What about you? Aren't you tired?" asked Lu Han. He saw Yixing's mouth twitch upwards for a moment, but it vanished as quick as it came.

"I'm fine. You aren't." And that was the end of it. Lu Han went home and slept until the afternoon. He wanted to go back or call Yixing, wanted an ear into the campaign at all times. It's not because he didn't trust Yixing; he was well-over that part of himself. He just didn't want to feel useless, didn't want others to think that he was just a puppet for Yixing and Joonmyun. This was his campaign, and they agreed to help him with it. That didn't mean he wanted them to make every single decision for him.

At least he could practice his speech, solidify his platform, speak the words that he really wanted to say. _This,_ he had control over. He could control himself, and no one else could do that for him.

The next day, Joonmyun was finally back. Lu Han hugged him tightly, missing him so much despite not really realizing it until he's had Joonmyun back. The younger male grinned at him, certainly more at ease than how he was before the vacation.

"Everything's still in one piece," Joonmyun commented. "Thank god," he muttered under his breath.

"Joonmyun! Welcome back," greeted Baekhyun. He placed a hand on his hip and slowly slid it down. "You look different. Did you--"

Joonmyun hit his arm and gave him a stern glare. "I'm still pissed at you," he said. "Go away. We have work."

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "Alright then." He innocuously went out, but Joonmyun was still grumbling and shaking his head even when he's already left the room.

"So, let's do something. Let's all have dinner!" Lu Han proposed. Yixing nudged him with his elbow and he cleared his throat. "Unless you're still tired, of course."

Joonmyun grinned. "No, let's go out. I'm sure you two have a lot to tell me after two whole weeks of me not being here to make sure that you two don't do anything stupid."

Lu Han smiled at the way Yixing was smiling at Joonmyun and Joonmyun was grinning at the two of them. Really, he wouldn't know what to do if they never became a team like this.

 

 

 

"Hello?"

_"Quit the race now before it gets too dangerous."_

Lu Han hangs up. He' left staring at his phone, gaping as the message of the person sinks into his mind.

 _Quit the race now before we_ make _it dangerous._

In politics, a threat like this is not a prank call. A threat like this could be life or death, and a small mistake could easily cause the latter. Lu Han knows. The politics of the world are much messier than what he's experienced himself, but he knows that he's living in the safe bubble of national politics for now. As soon as he becomes president, the darkness of the world bearing down on him will eventually be his life.

"Lu Han? Are you alright?" asks Joonmyun, and Lu Han jumps at the sound of his voice. The fear is real, so very real.

"I'm fine," answers Lu Han, but he gives Sehun the number and tells him to trace where the call came from. There's nothing wrong with a little precaution.

"Lu Han, I thought we agreed that secrets are going to bring us down." Lu Han rolls his eyes at his annoying insistence that they _must_ share everything with each other. He feels like Joonmyun knows half of his life already, but Lu Han doesn't seem to know that much about him though. Then again, the agreement was basically made for just Lu Han.

"Someone called me, an unknown number, and told me to 'quit the race before it gets too dangerous'. I don't know what to read from that, Joonmyun, but I know that it's not good. I'm not in a good position right now," he says. Would it be too much to say that he's scared? It's not. It's the absolute truth.

"I'm… worried. I am worried." Joonmyun bites his bottom lip. They both stare at the floor, trying to size up this threat to see if it's worth taking a break now. But it isn't, they know. All their preparations would be for nothing if they didn't continue in this path with a headstrong mindset.

"The schedule continues, Joonmyun. We can't stop, especially not now." Lu Han smiles at Sehun's quick reply. At least he can trust the kid to take care of it while they're all way too busy with the campaign and everything else.

Yixing walks in, busy with his phone before he notices the strange stillness. He narrows his eyes at the two of them. "What's wrong?"

"Is that going to be what everyone asks all the time? Does everyone assume that something's always wrong?" Lu Han shakes his head in exasperation. "Sometimes, we're okay!"

"But this is not one of those times," Joonmyun answers. "Phone threat. It doesn't seem like a prank call."

Yixing's eyes widen for a moment, but he simply shakes his head. "We can't let that hinder us or--"

"I have no plans of backing down, Yixing. You should know that by now." The resolute manner of speaking is enough to make Yixing step back and give Lu Han some space to think. He runs his fingers through the grooves on his wooden desk, thinking of the countless times he gripped the edges of that table in absolute exhaustion, wishing that it would give him some strength to not feel fear.

Joonmyun walks over to the calendar on one end of Lu Han's office and points at a date. "We start the tour on Saturday. No adjustments?"

Lu Han shakes his head. Yixing doesn't respond. Joonmyun takes the red pen and circles the date. "Nothing changes."

Yixing turns away from Lu Han, looking at his phone briefly. "I won't join you two in the tour," he says. Lu Han looks like he wants to be angry, but Joonmyun gives him a strong stare. Lu Han grips the table. He needs strength.

"What if something bad happens? What if we need you?" Lu Han asks, not looking up from the corner of the stack of post-its he's been using for the past five years that he can't ever seem to finish. He's almost tempted to throw it away since he doesn't know when it'll ever end.

"Take good care of Lu Han, Joonmyun." Yixing smiles slightly at the panic on his face. "You'll need a lot of luck."

"Why do we always assume that I'll get into trouble?" Lu Han drops his head on the table and laughs. He hears Joonmyun follow and Yixing chuckle too, imagining the way his eyes would crinkle as he lets out these small hiccups of laughter. He doesn't have to imagine for much longer; he looks up and Yixing's grinning and trying to hide his face, but Lu Han can see the mirth in his eyes. It's nice.

Joonmyun and Lu Han prepare for the tour together, not meeting with Yixing often anymore. He's busy with a high-profile client, so high-profile that he can't even tell Lu Han and Joonmyun about it. They've all gotten used to not seeing him, so it's much easier to simply focus on the work that they have to do.

This is Lu Han's third campaign, and he knows his strengths and weaknesses when it comes to dealing with people. People love the humility, the feeling that someone who has compassion is the one who could be leading them one day. People eat up all of his good qualities, and he's eternally grateful for that.

He doesn't have much against Kim Minseok, not in credentials nor contributions. What he does have is relative popularity in certain districts, and that's a lot more than what people expect it to be. Yunnan and Hubei welcome Lu Han with open arms every single time, and it's nice to know that he's finally broken past the barrier of dislike that the people used to have against him.

Sichuan, however, is very different. They're different in how they greet him, with glares leveled towards his direction and murmur and chatter, following him around everywhere. The hair on Lu Han's arms stand as he tries to greet the citizens. They nod politely and walk away from him, not even sparing another glance. Joonmyun squeezes Lu Han's arm and tells him to keep going.

"There's no point in dwelling on it. It was probably because of the tax increase that you approved on," he whispers. The older male nods, really trying his best not to pay attention to those hidden eyes staring at him. It unnerves him, but he has a speech to deliver.

Before he even starts to speak, a loud scream is heard. Lu Han's eyes widen, looking around to see its source. There's a group of people, raising banners of Lu Han's face. He almost thinks they're avid supporters, until they all lift a lighter to the banner and set his face on fire. People start running at the sight of it, and everything goes to hell.

Security men drag Lu Han offstage before he could do something stupid like run in front of the people and attempt to stop them. Lu Han kicks and screams and begs to be set free, but they don't let go until he's in the car. Joonmyun's seated across him, looking back at the panicking crowd behind them. The radio is on, and in a few minutes, everyone's talking about the gathering that turned into an anti-Lu Han rally.

He leans back and clenches his fist. "What the hell was that, Joonmyun?"

"I have absolutely no idea, and I know we're screwed," answers Joonmyun. "There are people injured, I'm sure. I wish we didn't run away, but it was too dangerous to just stand there or try something."

"Fuck," Lu Han mutters. "This is such a mess."

The retreat to the hotel room, and Lu Han dials Yixing's number as soon as he's alone. Yixing doesn't pick up until five rings have passed.

 _"Hello?"_ he answers, obviously tired.

"Yixing, we have a situation," he starts. Yixing would usually show concern after that familiar line, but he doesn't even say anything. "Yixing? You still here?"

 _"I know what happened, Lu Han. Jongin's on his way to Sichuan as we speak. We'll take care of it."_ Lu Han lies down and closes his eyes.

"This isn't the first time a rally happened while I was campaigning," he says. Yixing sighs on the other end of the phone, probably settling into a more comfortable position knowing that Lu Han would be talking his ear off for the next hour or so.

 _"There's even an accident this time. I'm impressed with your haters, Lu Han. They seem to be getting better and better as time passes,"_ Yixing says lightly, probably intending to make Lu Han laugh. It doesn't really work, but he appreciates the effort.

"At least I wasn't shot at," whispers Lu Han, and they both laugh, even if there's nothing funny about it. Eleven years later, and Lu Han still shivers at the sight of a gun. It's one of the most traumatic things that has ever happened to him. They joke about it lightly because it's easier to forget that he could have died that day, a bullet in his brain or pierced through his chest. It's easier to pretend that it's just okay.

They sit in silence, and Lu Han takes this time to just breathe. He takes this time to listen to Yixing breathe. He takes this time to simply allow himself to bask in this moment, a quiet moment of peace. Yixing seems to like it too, and they spend nearly an hour just listening, trying to see how far they can delve into their minds and into each other's just by sitting in silence.

There's a knock on the door. "I should go," says Lu Han.

 _"Right. Goodbye."_ Yixing doesn't wait for him to respond before he hangs up. It's alright. They've had a nice conversation.

Joonmyun enters the room, a cup of tea in his hands. He seems to be nervous, hesitant as he closes the door behind him. "I-I could only get the cheap sachets from the minibar. Sorry if it's not how you usually like it."

Lu Han smiles, taking the mug and inhaling the steam. "It's okay, Joonmyun. Thank you."

"Look, this was my fault. I didn't tighten security enough, and it should have been easy to see a group of people moving together like that. This isn't the first time I've failed you like this. I'm sorry, Lu Han." The fear in his voice is enough for Lu Han to forgive him right away, smiling and cupping his cheek.

"What can we do now? It's okay, Joonmyun. We've been through worse together, and you've always pulled me out of deep, deep shit before. That's why you're my chief-of-staff, my right-hand man. I trust you to pull me out of any trouble, and it doesn't really matter if you've caused. You've got my back, right?"

Lu Han grins at him, trying to ignore the weakness in his eyes. He's always been fearful of Joonmyun leaving him because of what happened before. He knows what it's like to be with someone you love everyday and not be able to say or do anything. Now he knows. Now he understands.

He knows the sacrifice, the personal torture that Joonmyun faces everyday. A part of him wishes that he was so unbearable that Joonmyun would never have had feelings for him. He never wanted Joonmyun to feel pain. He didn't deserve that.

Lu Han hugs Joonmyun, and they stay in that position until they're both tired. "I should sleep. Yixing said Jongin's on his way here, so he'll probably arrive in a few hours."

"That's good. What's he going to do here?" asks Joonmyun. Lu Han shrugs.

"I don't actually know. I'm sure Yixing told him to do something though, so we shouldn't worry much. They're effective that way. Just let them do what they have to do," answers Lu Han.

Jongin does arrive a few hours later, and he's already excited with everything he's learned. Lu Han just woke up from his nap, but he bounces back to reality at the sight of Jongin's smirk. He definitely knows something good.

"People were talking about payday," he says simply. It takes Lu Han a few seconds before he understands, and then he narrows his eyes.

"Someone's paying them to cause a ruckus? To endanger people's lives? To ruin everything?" Lu Han hisses.

"SM," says Joonmyun. "It has to be them. This is how they strike, Lu Han. They let you be until they see that you're starting to do well, and then they let everything crash down on you. It's how they work."

"We need to calm down." Lu Han breathes evenly. "Before we do anything against SM, we need evidence that's more solid."

Lu Han calls Yixing. _"Hello, Lu Han? Is Jongin there already?"_

"Hi, boss!" Jongin greets.

 _"Hey, Jongin. So what did you find out?"_ asks Yixing.

"Someone's been planning this, and they were talking about payments today," answers Joonmyun. "This has SM written all over it. If not the entirety of SM, probably just Kim Minseok."

Lu Han notes the way Joonmyun's jaw is twitching, as it always does when he's furious. He has remarkable control over his temper, but Lu Han knows these little signs so well.

Yixing scoffs on the other side of the line. That's another sign of anger that Lu Han has been on the receiving end of so many times already. His voice is getting a little higher than usual, and he can almost see the way Yixing purses his lips tightly. He's pissed.

"Yixing, can you try and find anything out? And does Sehun have any news on that phone call I got a few days ago?" inquires Lu Han.

 _"Yes, I do,"_ Sehun says from nowhere. _"The call came from a disposable phone, but I tracked the signal to someone's house. That certain someone works for Kim Minseok's campaign. Fishy? Yeah, I think so too."_

Joonmyun grits his teeth. "Fucker."

"Calm down," Lu Han whispers. "We have no idea if we're safe right now. We have no idea if they're watching us. We need to be careful."

"Fine," he whispers back. "How are we going to know if we're safe? Does it even matter if we try to be discreet? He probably knows everything we're planning already."

Lu Han tilts his head in understanding and turns towards Jongin. "I need you to go out and speak to the people. Find out anything you can about where this all comes from."

 _"Be careful out there. This isn't our territory, and you don't have Zitao to make sure that you don't mess up,"_ Yixing warns. Zitao yells in the background to insert his presence and Jongin rolls his eyes.

"I'll be careful." Then he leaves. Joonmyun and Lu Han sit on the couch and think of what to say next.

"What do we do if we find out that he's behind all of this?" asks Lu Han. Joonmyun raises his eyebrow at him, as if he's asking why he's even asking. Lu Han shrugs. "We can't just take revenge like little kids. There has to be a logical, more peaceful way of fixing things."

 _"There's nothing good that we can do to right their wrong. People were hurt, Lu Han. If we try to be the benevolent ones here, it would be like letting them get away with that. We can't let this slip. You understand karma much better than we do;_ you _of all people should know that this is not the right time to be the 'better man,' as you say._

 _"Now, I have to go. Please call me as soon as Jongin's back."_ He hangs up and Lu Han turns off his phone for the meantime. He's tired, and he needs a longer nap. Jongin will come back anyway.

He doesn't come back until late at night, and it's obvious that he's exhausted. Joonmyun and Lu Han give him dinner and he wolfs it down, not caring about the expectant looks they're throwing at him. When he's finally done, he leans back and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"It's confirmed. The order came from someone in Kim Minseok's campaign team," he announces.

"How did the person or people know? And why did they follow so easily?" drills Lu Han.

"The person _introduced_ himself as someone who's part of the campaign. I don't know why they followed those orders, but it's probably for the money. It makes sense; I'm sure Kim Minseok would pay a lot to fuck us up."

Lu Han sighs and places a hand on his forehead. Today has been a long, long, long day. "We should all rest. Tomorrow, we plan. Tomorrow, I have to say something, do something to make up for everything that happened."

"That's a good plan," Joonmyun nods. "Rest is much needed right now."

Lu Han doesn't sleep well that night. He's unusually anxious, tossing and turning and messing up his sheets. He can't seem to breathe well, always having to sit up just to catch his breath. Flashes of the rally pop up in his mind, and he tries to drown the screaming of the people with the screaming of his own mind. He feels the flames of those masked people licking at his arms, choking him with the smoke and the smell of his own charred skin. He's dying, drowning in ashes, and then he wakes up.

Yixing's sitting beside him, eyes soft as he waits for Lu Han to wake. He notices the minute lines on his forehead and around his eyes, and Lu Han realizes that he's staring at the thirty year-old Yixing, with his calm but ruthless attitude, with the unspoken but shown feelings that he had for Lu Han.

"Hey," he whispers, stroking Lu Han's hair. The older man remembers this scene, back in his old apartment so long ago. Yixing was smiling at him so contentedly, so filled with fondness that Lu Han felt like exploding with warmth. Yixing never spoke about what he felt out loud, but every action was sincere. Every action, be it showing love or hate or irritation or exhaustion, it was all real. Yixing was never one to pretend.

Lu Han was never one to pretend, either, but he pretended that he didn't feel like exploding with warmth whenever Yixing looked at him like that. He pretended that he didn't want to place his lips on Yixing's every single moment of the day, whispering words that he's said out loud but he doesn't think Yixing truly heard. He pretended that he wasn't completely in love with Yixing, that he wasn't so consumed by his need to have Yixing in his life, so that when it was time to let go of Yixing, he could do it as cleanly as he could.

But there was no easy way to do it. He tried to distance himself, to limit his touches, to hold back when it came to the torrent of emotions that he felt for Yixing, but in the end, both of them wanted this relationship. Breaking it off was a mess. He made a mess that he had no real excuse to even think of.

"Hey," Yixing repeats. "You okay in there?" He taps on Lu Han's temple.

"Leave me alone, Yixing," he murmurs. This time, Lu Han smiles up at Yixing and mirrors the fondness in his eyes. "I love you."

In another world, if Lu Han really could change the past, he would have heard Yixing say, _"I love you too."_

Lu Han wakes up of his own accord this time, and it's finally morning. He looks like shit and feels like shit, and he doesn't know if the nightmares about the rally were worse than the memories of Yixing. He takes a deep breath. Here comes another day.

They release a statement, apologizing for the mess yesterday. _"Though we had no way of predicting that this would happen, we still believe that it's only right for us to apologize to all those who were injured and affected by this incident. We promise to prevent any mishaps like these from happening ever again,"_ Joonmyun reads out. "Good enough?"

"Good enough," answers Lu Han. "Let's call Yixing."

Yixing picks up, panting heavily before he gets to greet them good morning. "So what do we do?" asks Joonmyun.

 _"Lu Han, are you ready to make the real decisions, the tough ones that may not entirely seem like it's up to your code of nobleness?"_ Lu Han rolls his eyes at the sarcastic tone of Yixing's voice. _"I need you to be sure of what you're doing."_

"I'm sure, Yixing. I'm ready."

Yixing releases a sigh of relief. _"Good. I'm giving you two days before you go back to Beijing. By then, we'll have something solid against Kim Minseok."_

When they hang up, Lu Han collapses on the couch. "I'm not so sure, Joonmyun. I feel like this is against everything I've worked hard for, everything I've worked hard to upkeep. I'm not a bad person, Joonmyun."

"We know that, Lu Han. But this is a test. You need to be able to make these decisions. There will be times that diplomacy is not possible. It's a painful reality, but it's a reality that you'll have to face daily once you win. It's the best thing to do. It really is."

Lu Han sighs. He's still just an idealistic kid, isn't he? At least that doesn't change.

Days pass and now he's back home, back in Beijing where the air is crisper and the world look so deceivingly safe but everything's just waiting to crash down on him. It's how the world works.

Early in the morning, they're back at the office. Sehun, Jongdae and Yixing are there, waiting for them with cups of coffee strewn all over his table. Lu Han's jaw twitches at their mess, but Yixing stands and pulls him towards Sehun's laptop. He flushes at the contact, but as soon as he sees what's on Sehun's screen, he feels sick to the stomach.

It's Minseok, sleeping in his bed. "We've set up bugs and cameras all over his apartment. He could try to break them, but there's no point. I've put so many all around, and they can be mobilized. Great, isn't it?" boasts Sehun. Lu Han doesn't have the heart to react.

"Alright," Sehun presses a few more keys and the image becomes clearer and clearer, "there we go. Setup complete. Let's begin."

Minseok is still sleeping, but only then do they notice that there's someone else in his bed, a tuft of dark hair peeking out from under the blanket. Minseok strokes the person's hair, chuckling when the person rouses.

 _"Why'd you wake me up?"_ says the person, and when he sits up to face Minseok, that's when they recognize that it's Do Kyungsoo in bed with him, naked and very much comfortable.

"I knew it. I just fucking knew it," Jongdae murmurs. They simply stare as the two men on camera kiss sweetly before Kyungsoo pushes him away slightly.

 _"Morning breath. Yuck."_ Minseok snorts. _"Don't laugh! It's your fault you always sleep with your mouth open."_

 _"How am I supposed to control that?"_ He laughs and pulls Kyungsoo in again. _"Come on. I thought you were going to take care of something today."_

 _"Don't even remind me. Those locals from Chengdu are so persistent when it comes to collecting their payment,"_ says Kyungsoo.

Minseok sighs. _"At least they did well. We don't have to worry about Sichuan anymore."_

 _"That's true. We did well too,"_ whispers Kyungsoo, and they grin at each other before kissing again. Kyungsoo mumbles something against Minseok's lips, and the older man pulls him down so he can snuggle into his chest properly.

 _"What did you say?"_ asks Minseok.

 _"We can't keep acting like this once you're the president. I'll just be your chief-of-staff and that's it. That's all we'll ever be."_ Kyungsoo breathes deeply. _"Sorry. I don't want to be dramatic about this."_

Lu Han feels his heart melt slightly as they kiss softly again, as Minseok cups Kyungsoo's cheek and draws them impossibly close together. When they pull away, the group doesn't need to see them in a new angle to know that they're staring at each other with those loving, tender eyes. It's unexpected, but it's sweet.

 _"It doesn't matter. I'm too in love with you to let go of you now or ever."_ Minseok grins. _"Thanks for being the best I could have ever found."_

Kyungsoo hits his arm playfully. _"Don't be too sweet. It's starting to get ridiculous."_

They get out of bed and the group from behind the cameras all step back, slightly guilty for having witnessed a private moment between the two. Lu Han's done with his sentimentality though, and now he's seething with anger.

"I can't believe it," Lu Han says to himself. "I'm such an idiot, thinking that I could go through this campaign as peacefully as possible. Then again, I've always been so stupid when it came to these things."

Yixing raises his eyebrow. "And what do you plan on doing about that?"

"I don't want to do this, honestly, but the press sure would like to know about this. Just feed a little and they'll eat it up like rats," Lu Han ponders.

"Don't!" Yixing strongly discourages. "It's a risk that might not give you all the benefits that you can exploit from this advantage."

"I suggest you show it to Minseok first. At least he'll know that you have the upper hand now," offers Joonmyun.

"And if he still tries something against you after that, give it to the press. It doesn't matter how much or how bad what you give is; they're going to take any information that they can get their hands on." Yixing nods. "This sounds pretty solid."

Lu Han looks as his schedule. He has an entire day to do this. He might as well get it over with. "Place that video on a hologram disk. I need to show it to Minseok later."

"Today?" Joonmyun asks incredulously. "You're doing it today?"

"The fresher, the better. He'll be flustered, put on the spot all of a sudden, and I can corner him into giving me a good deal. It's a win-lose situation, just how it's supposed to be," answers Lu Han. He can almost see the joy in Yixing's eyes, the pride he feels for hardening Lu Han enough to breed determination like this. It's his greatest achievement.

Lu Han's hands are shaking, but he grips the disk as tightly as he can without breaking it. Yixing and Joonmyun decided not to come, so if Lu Han went back, it would be of his own volition and no one coerced him into it.

He storms into the building, demands to meet Minseok, and they let him in, as if they've been expecting him all this time. It unnerves Lu Han to think that maybe they'd been spying on him too, but it doesn't matter. He still has solid evidence against Minseok, and he isn't going to let that opportunity slip out of his grasp.

"Lu Han!" Minseok says pleasantly, but Lu Han tastes the poison in his tone. "What brings you here?"

Lu Han places the disk on the surface of his table and presses play. Minseok watches the scene just earlier this morning, his fake smile slowly morphing into a stoic expression. He narrows his eyes at Lu Han.

"Where did you get this?" he asked, voice dangerously low. "Who gave you the right to invade my privacy like that?"

"Stop all the crap you're plotting against me and maybe I'll think about not releasing this to the press," threatens Lu Han. Minseok rolls his eyes at him.

"Since when did you have a backbone, Lu Han? Since when did you start making decisions like a real leader? The only reason why I pick on you all the time is because you're too much of a pacifying wimp to fight back," spits Minseok.

Lu Han scoffs and dials a number. "I'm sure you know this guy. He's a real good friend of mine, and once information hits him, it hits everybody. Oh, wait-- hello? Hi there--"

"Stop!" yells Minseok. Lu Han hangs up, a smirk gracing his features. He plays the video again, and Minseok almost looks like he's disgusted with himself. It's shameful, his reaction.

"Do you really want everyone to know about your relationship with Kyungsoo? Especially at a crucial time like this? Everything matters, Minseok. You've taken me down a lot of pegs, but this one video could ruin _so much_ for you." Lu Han sees how he's contemplating silently. _Checkmate._

"Do _you_ really want people to know about your relationship with Yixing?" Minseok shoots back, albeit weakly.

"There's nothing going on between me and Yixing, that I can assure you." Lu Han wants to add, _although I wish there was._

Minseok takes a deep breath. "Fine. I'll stop. But the people won't stop if they really don't want to."

Lu Han narrows his eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"I recruited people who _wanted_ to go against you. No one would risk other people's lives just for money, especially in communities like those. I've got people everywhere hating you, and they're all ready when you announce that you're going to their area. I've got this country in my palm, and what do you have again?" Lu Han looks away. "A rag tag team of hackers and people who spend half their time reassuring that you're good enough for this? What do you think you have against me?"

Lu Han steps back and lets Minseok have his moment of triumph. He leaves the disk on the table, wanting him to remember that he still has the upper hand here. "Know your limits, Minseok. I'm still going to win."

Minseok smiles, sugary sweet with a hint of poison. "It was good speaking with you, Senator. Know that that is the farthest you're going to reach."

Lu Han is calm, perfectly calm, until he reaches the door of his office. Joonmyun and Yixing are talking while Sehun and Jongdae are still there, probably working on something for Yixing. They all look up as he enters, and Lu Han's too tired to keep up the cool image. His shoulders droop and he sits down behind his desk, taking a deep breath.

"How was it?" Yixing asks tentatively.

"He'll stop, but the people he hired might not. Everywhere we go, there's a chance that we'll cause a rally like that, an accident that'll hurt so many people. No matter where we are, he knows how to hurt us." Lu Han groans. "What did I just do?"

"Be brave, Lu Han. You found out the deadly truth, and you did the right thing in the end. We chose the greater of two evils, to take action instead of allowing him to harm us and others by turning a blind eye," says Joonmyun.

"I know I chose to do what would benefit me and others, but this isn't me, Joonmyun. I'm not a bad person."

"You aren't," Yixing says softly. "You are not a bad person, and everyone here knows that. But you can't keep playing as the good guy because you're tired of being surrounded by all these horrible people. We all have something bad in us, but we choose to do what's right as much as we can because we're all tired of reality too.

"You can't expect the world to be perfect when you're up there. Reality's a bitch, Lu Han. Learn to accept it."

He takes a deep breath. "I'm proud of you, Lu Han. This is one step towards the person that you _have_ to be once you win as president."

Lu Han shakes his head, trying to smile weakly before he gets up and takes his coat again. "I'm going home. I'm tired."

They nod at him as he leaves, but Yixing runs after him and curls a hand around his wrist. "I _am_ proud of you, Lu Han. Regardless of today, regardless of everything you've done. As a person, I am proud of you."

He doesn't know how to respond, so he doesn't. Lu Han pries his hand away from his wrist gently and bows. They both have tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, so they nod and leave.

Lu Han doesn't sleep very well that night. He doesn't know if it's because of what he did or because of the phantom feeling of a warm hand clutching his wrist, those eyes searching for his soul, the soft voice pushing, pushing, pushing him to keep going on.

 

 

 

He grips the railings of the short stairs, trying to hold his smile while the crowd can still see him. Guangzhou was pleasant, and they received him well.

But for some reason, Lu Han feels dizzy and he's going to throw up and--

He's lying down in his hotel room, surrounded by pillows and water and a cooling patch on his forehead. Joonmyun's on the phone, as per usual, speaking in a panicked, hushed voice. "When will you arrive? I'm worried, Yixing. I don't think he's getting any better, and we already have a drip in him. What? Yeah, I just said that he's getting water already. Did I ask the doctor-- of course I did! Yixing, I'm not new to taking care of him! Come faster so I don't have to worry on my own!"

Joonmyun hangs up, placing his phone on the dresser. He turns around, notices Lu Han blinking up at him and attempts to smile. "Hey there. You feeling any better?"

"No," Lu Han croaks. "You should relax though. I'm sure I'll get better in time."

Joonmyun chuckles. "Sure you will. Come on. I'll get you something to eat."

 _Joonmyun would make a good nurse,_ Lu Han muses. _As long as he stops acting like I'm going to die if I don't respond well to whatever he gives me._

A few hours later, and Joonmyun finally gets to relax once Yixing arrives. They dote on him together for a while, but Lu Han doesn't really care since he's a little too high on meds. Joonmyun leaves in a rush all of a sudden when an organizer talks to him about an event that he had to cancel.

"Sorry I have to go! Don't kill him, Yixing!" he yells before running out of the door. Yixing laughs a bit, shaking his head as he throws away the cups of coffee that Joonmyun drank just to keep himself alive for a few more hours.

He sits down beside Lu Han, stroking his hair to help him fall asleep. Lu Han tugs him down, forcing him to lie down beside him. "Lu Han--"

"Shh," shushes Lu Han, and he proceeds to cuddling into Yixing's chest. "I missed you so much, Xing. I missed every single thing about you."

Lu Han feels cold but he's warmer than ever, and he likes it. Yixing doesn't push him away, doesn't stop him at all. It's really nice. He misses having Yixing this close to him like before.

He misses the soft touches, the way his fingers would leave trails all over Lu Han's skin. He misses the way that he would do the same to Yixing, leave a touch, a kiss, a soft whisper of his name into his ear. He misses the way they'd melt together effortlessly, the fact that he didn't need to ask permission to hold him close.

His eyes grow damp at the thought of these things. He misses Yixing so much.

"You're so different now," Lu Han murmurs against the fabric of his shirt. "It's not a bad different; you'll always be gorgeous to me. But you seem so… tired. You seem so unhappy. I want to make you happy," he exhales, "but I think I'm always going to make you feel the exact opposite."

"Lu Han," Yixing says softly.

"I miss being happy with you." Yixing stiffens. Lu Han pays it no mind. "I want to be happy with you."

Lu Han presses a kiss to Yixing's shoulder, only half-aware of what he's doing. Yixing doesn't seem to mind anyway. If anything, Lu Han feels the tug on his arm to pull him closer, and he smiles softly. Just tonight… He's only asking for tonight…

 _"I'm only asking for one night!"_ Yixing whisper-yelled, holding onto the hem of Lu Han's shirt. From this distance, or the lack thereof, he could smell the alcohol on his breath. He could feel the vodka blurring his judgment as well, and he took the maniacal grin on Yixing's face as a sign to lean forward and kiss him square on the lips.

They were always impulsive people, going with the flow and pushing towards the first direction they can see. And they always had good stories that came out of those, but the story of their first kiss, their first fuck, the first moment when they were one, wasn't a story that they told often. It was private, despite not being tender. It wasn't a memory filled with hues of gold and sweet nothings, but it was a memory that was only theirs.

Lu Han threw an arm around Yixing's waist and ignored his sore butt. Yixing chuckled and pulled him closer with a tug on his arm. Lu Han smiled against the sweaty skin of Yixing's neck. That was a moment that was theirs.

Lu Han wakes up with a start, feeling dizzy and disoriented. Yixing's sleeping beside him, albeit lying down above the thick blanket. He stirs as Lu Han sits up slightly, and he smiles a bit. "Feeling better?" he asks, pressing the back of his hand against Lu Han's neck. "A bit?"

"Yeah, just a bit." Lu Han opens his mouth to say something, but Joonmyun bursts into the room.

"Sorry if I went in all of a sudden. I heard some sounds, and I'm running on three cups of coffee right now." Joonmyun fidgets slightly. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Lu Han says weakly. He moves to sit at the edge of the bed. "I think I should go back to work now."

Yixing drags him back down and forces him under the covers. "No. Get some rest and we'll decide when you can go back."

Lu Han glares at him, but it's broken when they hear his stomach growling. He blushes, slowly slipping under the covers. Joonmyun rolls his eyes. "I'll go get you something to eat."

Yixing simply watches, running his fingers through Lu Han's hair hesitantly. Lu Han feels tired but incredibly fond at the moment, and Yixing doesn't seem to care. The sensation is pleasant, and Lu Han thoroughly enjoys it. Yixing laughs at his pleased smile, shaking his head at how much he really seems to be enjoying it.

Joonmyun and Yixing take care of Lu Han for the rest of the day. "I honestly feel like a baby, and not in a good way," Lu Han tells them once they've finally taken a break to go finish their work. Yixing's busy on his phone and Joonmyun is buried in emails he has to respond to, but they look at him for a moment and laugh again.

Yixing has to leave late at night, but Lu Han gets out of bed to go to the airport with him and send him off. Joonmyun's sleeping like a log, so they decide to leave him alone.

The car ride is quiet but not in the unpleasant way. Lu Han still feels a little dizzy, and Yixing squeezes arm as a sign of support. Lu Han is shocked, but he expresses his gratitude.

"Last three weeks, Lu Han," Yixing reminds him. "Let's just fight through it."

Yixing is smiling, tired eyes vanishing into small slits like how they always did. In this light, Yixing looks remarkably younger than how he used to seem, and Lu Han misses the joy in those eyes. It was probably why he started falling for him, genuinely, carelessly falling for the man.

Lu Han wants to grab his hand, kiss his cheek and bid him goodbye. But it's Yixing who reaches forward to squeeze Lu Han's shoulder and open his mouth, as if he wants to say something but he can't seem to get it out of his throat.

"I'll work hard," Lu Han says, just to fill the silence with something, despite how insignificant and random it may be. He could have said something else, like "I'm sorry," or "I miss you," or those other three words that matter to him but probably won't matter to Yixing anymore, along with anything else that Lu Han could have said.

Yixing waves cutely before walking away, and Lu Han turns around before he could do anything stupid like rush towards him and pull him in for a cliche airport kiss. There were other stupid things to do, but breaking the precarious peace they seem to be having right now shouldn't be one of those.

 

 

 

Lu Han's shoulders sag as he sits down on the chair in the balcony and watches the city lights glow all around him. Yixing is seated primly, but he loosens up after a while, forgetting to be conscious of how he looks in front of others. It's just Lu Han anyway, and despite the falling out that happened between them, they've known each other for too long to care about simple things like looking nice while sitting.

Lu Han's fingers twitch in hesitation as he pops open the bottle of whiskey and puts ice inside their glasses. Yixing helps him out, steadying the glass as Lu Han pours the golden liquor in. Campaign period is over, and Lu Han is finally free to do whatever he wants. He chose to invite Yixing up with him for a drink, and Yixing knew him well enough that he needed this stress release before voting day.

The alcohol burns down his throat, but it gives him a warm feeling that helps him relax more into his chair, enjoying the quiet moment that he's having. The feeling of the world below him gives him strength that he never thought he would feel; his old fear has turned into the courage that pushes him to believe in himself when he needs it the most.

Yixing radiates warmth despite the slight distance between them, and Lu Han unconsciously leans closer to him, eyes starting to water at the weight of his thoughts and emotions. Yixing seems to detect that right away, and he turns to face Lu Han.

"You're scared," he states simply. No other explanation is needed for something that is so painfully obvious. Lu Han nods, not really being in the mood to lie and pretend to be stoic. Yixing breathes deeply, willing himself to calm down before he starts speaking. This time, Lu Han listens attentively to every word that he says. Back then, they had their history and the time they spent apart as a reason to bicker and contradict each other every single time. But now they've been together for nearly a year, and there's no point in arguing. There are so many more things they could do with their time, time that they might not even have if their lives split paths again.

"Don't be," says Yixing. His smile is small, but it's warm and familiar and so very comforting. Lu Han feels like he's in his early thirties again, running to be a senator for the first time and having the greatest person he's ever loved pushing him to keep going. Lu Han feels like kissing Yixing, like holding into him in fear of losing him all over again.

"What's not to fear?" asks Lu Han.

Yixing takes a sip of his whiskey. "Destiny."

Lu Han is a little skeptic about the topic of destiny. Is it really his fate to have achieved all these things and still not be completely happy? Is it his fate to be a complete idiot and let go of the one man he's truly loved and is still loving? Is it his fate to always feel inadequate because he's just enough but that isn't enough for him?

"Destiny causes weird things to happen, I know, but you have to accept it as it comes. Roll with the punches. Live life enjoyably but also cautiously," advises Yixing. Cautiously? What does that really mean? He should be careful with other people, with what he does and what he says? That all his actions have consequences and he should know what his capabilities and limitations are when it comes to those?

Lu Han's hand is lying on the armrest, palms up. His heart races as he feels Yixing loosely grasping his fingers. Yixing stares at him for a few seconds, hesitant but willing. Lu Han doesn't know what to feel, but he wants more. Yixing hasn't had these moments of pure kindness in a while, and he's going to cherish him when he needs him the most.

Lu Han intertwines their fingers, slotting his digits perfectly between Yixing's. Warm palms slide against each other, and Lu Han hopes his hands aren't that clammy yet. Then again, Yixing can't blame him for being nervous; they haven't had contact like this in a while.

"Lu Han," Yixing warns softly. Soft is the perfect way to describe it; his eyes are tender and he isn't trying to hide the blush on his cheeks and his voice is cracking everywhere it shouldn't.

 _"Please."_ Lu Han doesn't mean to sound so desperate, but he is. He's lived in this cold, cold world all alone for so long, and he misses the warmth that Yixing gives him. The glamour and the happy days are all gone. His reality is far harsher than what he expected.

Yixing doesn't shove his hand away in the end. He settles his fingers more comfortably on Lu Han's, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. A smile escapes Lu Han's lips, fear and anxiety temporarily slipping away to allow a bit of light into his life. Here he is, on top of world with someone who he's always wanted to be with, and even if he hasn't really achieved the latter yet, he knows that he's going to get a chance. One day, he's going to get a second chance, a third chance even.

But for now, all he has is Yixing's hand in his and the lingering thought of his life being shaped by the events of tomorrow. Yixing is still being gentle with his, squeezing his palm every now and then.

"You're nervous," says Yixing. Lu Han side eyes him, almost as if he's annoyed at how often Yixing's been stating the obvious tonight. Yixing chuckles. "Sometimes you need someone to voice out your thoughts, Lu Han. You'd never openly tell me how scared you are until I tell you that I know already."

Lu Han laughs, open and free. "You know me too well," he says.

"Of course I do." Yixing's smiling, and Lu Han feels like he's in his early thirties again, when they didn't have so many wrinkles and smile lines obvious on their faces. Back then, Lu Han's careless smile made him look sixty-four, but now he looks like he's in his eighties when he forgets to try and look good. Yixing joked about it before, but only now does he really understand how much they've aged.

Lu Han looks for the familiar calluses on Yixing's fingertips and finds that they've vanished slightly over time. "You haven't been playing guitar in a while?" asks Lu Han. Yixing smiles wistfully.

"It's been a while, Lu Han. I haven't had a lot of time recently." Lu Han hears the melancholy in his voice, subtly slipping into the tired drawl that is Yixing's speech. He sounds exhausted, always exhausted, but he never outright blamed Lu Han for it.

Sometimes, when Lu Han's in the mood to disappoint himself, he thinks of all the times that Yixing's been exceptionally kind to him, despite all that's happened between them. No matter what he says, no matter how he feels, he can't deny that there were these moments when he felt Yixing yearn for him too, reach out for him too, wish for the past like him too. Sometimes Lu Han just felt the years go back and they're back to the easiest, most enjoyable relationship that Lu Han's ever had.

He remembers their first date, if it was actually considered a date. They were done with their first midterms, excited to finally get a short break. Yixing grabbed Lu Han's face as they hid behind the library building, grinning when they were finally alone.

They had this rule, unspoken but still clear. They didn't kiss just to kiss, just to show affection, because affection wasn't in their vocabulary. It was difficult to pretend that Lu Han's heart didn't beat so quickly when Yixing pulled him close. It was difficult to pretend that he kissed Yixing on the lips every single morning only because he woke up best when he felt the sensation of Yixing's fingers leaving blazing trails on his skin. It was difficult to pretend that he didn't want anything more.

But their first date was different. Yixing held his hand the entire time, dragging him into the bus so they can go to the mall together. On that bus ride, Yixing cupped his jaw and pressed a soft kiss against his lips, sweet and quick. Lu Han's head was spinning even more than when Yixing kissed him like he was drinking his life out of his body.

They ate and laughed and acted like best friends, as they usually do, but Yixing was even more possessive than usual. It was new, and Lu Han was beaming with excitement.

They went home and had sex and it was okay for Lu Han. He had a glimpse of the life he was dreaming of, the life where he could hold Yixing and kiss him and not need to expect anything in return. He dreamed of the life where they were just together, no labels of "boyfriends" or, more accurately, "friends with benefits." He didn't want that, but he took everything he could.

Lu Han sighs. If anyone told him that he didn't love Yixing or that he never loved him enough to deserve him, he'd laugh at their face before he broke down and realized that he still didn't deserve him anyway.

"You okay?" asks Yixing, as he always does. He's uncharacteristically nice tonight. "I'd like it if you told me things."

Lu Han looks up at him suddenly, afraid of what he's going to see. Yixing's eyes are cold again, and he sighs. So they're back to this.

"Last time I comforted you before a voting day, you left me as soon as they announced that you won. I don't know if I should trust you with even the smallest bit of faith now," admits Yixing.

"Xing, I--"

"It's quite alright, Lu Han. Right now, at this very moment, I'd prefer it if you didn't say anything at all." Yixing doesn't let go of his hand, but he isn't really holding him anymore. He isn't really with Lu Han right now. The older male tugs him back, desperate and scared to lose this one special moment that he's been waiting for.

"Yixing," he says quietly, a plea for him to just stop.

The city whirrs and moves and lives beneath them, and Lu Han attempts to forget all of his worries. Besides Yixing, besides voting day, besides his future and his destiny, he's also kind of worried about himself. Sometimes it scares him how far he's gone, and he fears how much he's changed. Sometimes he thinks about it too much and gets himself sick, too struck with realization to even want to do anything.

He's done with thinking though, and he closes his eyes to simply listen. Yixing starts stroking the back of his hand again, and in silence, they've gone back to peace. Tonight has been incredibly long, but everything they've gone through had been so much. As soon as the results of this election are announced, they're going to part ways again.

Lu Han's gotten used to losing Yixing. He's gotten good at it after all this time too.

"Don't be afraid," Yixing whispers, but he doesn't understand how much Lu Han's stomach drops at the sound of those words.

 

 

 

The office is filled with tension as soon as they walk in. Lu Han takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the weight of all their eyes on him. He told himself earlier that he wasn't afraid of this, but now he certainly is. Joonmyun walks ahead of him, taking the cup of coffee from his assistant before opening the door to Lu Han's office. Yixing's already waiting inside, silently drifting into sleep on the couch.

Lu Han shakes him gently, and they look at each other warily before Yixing goes back to his usual self, standing up instantly in surprise. "H-hi," he says nervously. Lu Han chuckles, shaking his head and hanging his coat on the rack.

"It's alright. We're all tired." He doesn't mention their night before because he doesn't really want to remember. It was pleasant, holding Yixing's hand like that again, but it wasn't something they really had to talk about. It was better if they just stayed silent about it.

 _"In a few minutes, the Election Commission will announce the newly-elected president of our great nation. For now, let's have a brief recap on the race up to this point,"_ the news anchor says. Lu Han takes a seat in front of the television, anticipating whatever they're going to say about him.

The three of them laugh at all the nice things they say about Lu Han, all his achievements as a senator and as a philanthropist. "They have no idea how many stupid things I've done in my life," says Lu Han. Joonmyun laughs, finishing off his cup of coffee.

"If they knew, no one would vote for you, Lu Han. You've had more than just a fair share of stupidity," he comments.

"That's true. I was there on the dumbest part of your life," Yixing chuckles, "and it wasn't pretty, I'm telling you."

Lu Han blushes and looks away from the two of them. "I don't deserve this treatment."

Yixing laughs openly, not caring if the people outside will hear them. "Sorry, Lu Han, but you were hilarious when you were in your early twenties, getting drunk every other night."

"I can easily imagine that," mutters Joonmyun. "At least you're not a forty-year-old alcoholic now."

"I could have been worse." Lu Han smiles, cherishing banter like this for what may possibly be one of the last few times. Yixing doesn't check his phone today, doesn't leave the room a thousand times to make a thousand calls. He pays attention to Lu Han and Lu Han only, and it makes him feel all warm inside.

 _"--now, we have the results."_ The office is suddenly enveloped in silence. Lu Han, Yixing and Joonmyun leave the room to be with everyone else as they watched the news on the giant TV in the main working floor. Everyone's standing in silence, waiting with bated breaths.

 _"For the next president of the Republic of New China,"_ says the announcer, hands shaking as he holds the paper in front of him.

 _"Let us congratulate… our new leader,_ President _Kim Minseok!"_

The office is still enveloped in silence, shocked and dejected. Some of them look like they're about to burst into tears, months of hard work and sleepless nights not being worth anything anymore. Joonmyun's broken inside, but he's still trying to maintain a straight face. Yixing doesn't even move.

And Lu Han's left there, the weight of hundred pairs of eyes on him again. They expect him to say something, of course. So what does he say? That he's disappointed? That he had all these dreams but he's probably not going to get another chance to run and make them come to life? That he feels as if they've wasted their lives on him, and he deserves this punishment?

Lu Han starts clapping. He smiles at Yixing and Joonmyun, and they clap as well. Soon enough, everyone's clapping, and it takes them a few moments to realize that they're clapping for themselves instead of mindlessly following Lu Han as they've been doing for the past few months.

"Clap for yourselves. You all deserve it, so much more than me," says Lu Han, voice shaking but still attempting to be firm. They keep clapping, and that's when some people start crying. Their coworkers comfort them, starting to become teary too.

"Thank you for your hard work. Thank you for believing in me, and know that none of this could have been accomplished without you." Lu Han looks at everyone who's crying. "To me, this is not a defeat. This is not the end of the world. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be, and right now, I believe that fate really is telling me that."

Fate. Destiny. He looks over to his side and Yixing's looking at the ground, smiling softly as he continues to clap.

"I wanted to announce this if I didn't win, and I think I should say it now," says Lu Han. He looks at Joonmyun for confirmation, and the younger male nods his support. "I'm not running for a third term as senator. As much as I do love the chance to create change, I still believe in my organization. I still believe that Moon Tree is where I belong. I'd like to go back to work here after this last term.

"Thank you for all of your help. I hope we all continue to be determined and to believe that we, the people of this nation, are the ones responsible for the change that we want to achieve."

They all clap for him, but he knows he doesn't really deserve it. It's true that he'll be nothing without them; that wasn't just bullshit that he said to make them feel better and make him look good. His team was the primary reason why he even made it to this point.

The three of them return to the privacy of Lu Han's office, and surprisingly, they don't seem all that bothered by the loss. Joonmyun smiles a little, looking at all the posters and plans they made before the great announcement. Yixing's looking out towards the city, listening to the sounds of the country cheering. They don't look sad, and they probably aren't as upset as they expected themselves to be.

"Guys," Lu Han says softly, waiting for them to turn around and look at him. When he meets Joonmyun's eyes, he feels himself tear up. "Thank you."

His voice cracks before he catches himself and that's when Joonmyun rushes over to tackle him. Yixing walks slowly, afraid to break the brittle barrier that Lu Han's put around himself. Joonmyun isn't crying openly, but he is sniffling, afraid to seem weak.

"Thank you," Lu Han repeats. "Thank you for everything. Thank you for tolerating all the crap we've been through together. Thank you for tolerating _me,_ and thank you for believing."

Yixing's grinning at him, an arm around Joonmyun's shoulders. Joonmyun still has his face buried into Lu Han's neck, hiding the tears that Lu Han can feel pressed against his skin.

"It was a pleasure," says Yixing. "Congratulations."

"For what?" asks Lu Han.

"For winning." Yixing smiles, probably enjoying the confusion on Lu Han's face. "You don't need to win the election to be called a winner, Lu Han. You've done so well, much better than I expected, and that's a victory in itself."

Lu Han starts laughing, and it finally rouses Joonmyun from his hiding place under Lu Han's chin, laughing as well. Yixing stares at the two of them. "What? What did I do wrong?"

"I didn't expect you to be cheesy," Lu Han manages to say, still giggling in between his words.

"And lame. Really lame," answers Joonmyun. The three of them laugh, ignoring the disappointment deep within their hearts, ignoring the regrets that they suddenly felt because everything feels like a waste of time and energy and resources now. Lu Han's heart feels like it's about to burst with how warm he feels, comfortable with two people who he really trusts with all his life.

"Whatever." Yixing shrugs, still smiling though. "I have to go though."

"Thank you," Lu Han whispers, voice cracking everywhere it's not supposed to. Yixing pats his shoulder, the final touch, before he leaves again.

Lu Han isn't that broken up about it anymore. They've been apart for a long time, and he knows they'll find their way back to each other somehow. Maybe it won't happen any time soon, but it will happen. For now, he lets Yixing go, and he knows that the heartbreak will come soon, just not right now.

Joonmyun pulls away from him fully, looking at their board of plans again. Piece by piece, he starts taking them off, careful not to rip anything. Lu Han looks at him oddly until he turns and smiles at him.

"You never know when you might need it again." Joonmyun's wink doesn't imply that he wants him to run again; Lu Han knows that Joonmyun just likes keeping memorable things, taking care of them in fear that one day, he'll pass away without having anything to recall fondly. Joonmyun is sentimental that way.

Outside their office, people are cleaning up too. Cleaning files, putting down posters, throwing away little pins and banners; it's simply protocol. Besides that, everything feels like a normal day. There are people bantering, laughing, playing games on their phones in hopes that no one catches them.

For the next few days, that's all people do. They clean up and try to give the campaign some closure. Lu Han goes out in public to shake Minseok's hand, and the smile on his face is as genuine as it can be. Minseok pulls him into a hug, congratulating him good-heartedly on the run. Kyungsoo is behind them, smiling with a clenched fist as he looks at how tightly Lu Han holds Minseok.

Joonmyun doesn't speak much, reminding Lu Han of his duties as senator every now and then. Lu Han almost forgot that he still has that title, but Joonmyun, as responsible as ever, is doing his job as the best chief-of-staff in existence. Lu Han would have gotten nowhere without that guy.

Lu Han's surprised when Joonmyun enters his office, clad in simple clothes and lugging a bag behind him. "Hey?" Lu Han greets, going through a revision that a congressman sent him.

"Hey," says Joonmyun, a small smile on his face. "I'm going on a vacation for a month. I filed my leave already."

Lu Han's shocked. "I didn't hear anything about this."

"Sorry. It was a bit of a surprise for me too, but the guy I met back in Vancouver told me that he was free of any projects for about a month and he wanted me to come over all of a sudden," he explains.

Lu Han raises his eyebrow. "'The guy I met back in Vancouver?' Do you mind explaining why you never told me of this?"

Joonmyun blushes. "Sorry, I wasn't really sure if I needed to share it to you. If it makes you feel better, the only person who knew about it was Baekhyun, and that's because he probably planned it when he sent me to check on all of those projects we had in North America."

"I'm happy for you, Joonmyun," says Lu Han, a grin on his face. It's a mask, to be honest. He's actually in pain at the thought that Joonmyun's found someone who can love him as much as he can love back, and he's still stuck pining after someone who he probably has no hope with anymore.

Joonmyun waves and turns around, but he doesn't open the door. Lu Han tilts his head in confusion, waiting for Joonmyun to say something. The younger male turns around and leans on the door.

"Lu Han, even if I knew that you'd never love me back, I never gave up. I never stopped hoping that one day, you'd see me as more than a best friend and a trusted partner. It may have seemed like I just stopped caring, but I still did. I still cared about you in that way. We both pretended that nothing happened for the past eleven years, and I'm thankful for that. But we both know that I didn't want just this.

"And then I met that guy, and I realized that I deserve to love someone who loves me. I didn't want anyone but you for all this time, until I met him and I didn't have to wait for you anymore.

"You and Yixing clearly love each other. You can pretend as much as you want, but we all know the truth. He may act like he doesn't care about you, but he does. We've talked before, and he told me about missing you. He acted like he didn't love you anymore, but he did, and you love him too. Nothing should stop you from being together, especially not pride of fear. You shouldn't stop yourself from being happy and from being loved."

Joonmyun's smiling, something gentle and soft in his eyes. He looks tired, he really is, but he looks happy. Lu Han's never noticed it, but Joonmyun's changed a lot. He's aged too, but he aged in a good way. He looks like someone who's lived a long, tiring life, but he's somehow content with everything he's gone through.

Lu Han wonders if he looks like that too. He wonders if he looks like he enjoyed the past ten years, but he didn't. He wasn't happy.

"I should go," Joonmyun says gently, knowing that he's trapped under all his thoughts. Lu Han stands up to hug him tightly before leaving the room and helping him with his bag. The people wave at Joonmyun, and some even hug him as if he's leaving forever.

Baekhyun's waiting by the elevator, a smirk on his face. "Have fun on your vacation, Joonmyun."

Joonmyun narrows his eyes at the sight of his malicious grin. "Thanks, Baekhyun. You can take that smirk off your face though; you look uglier than usual."

"Well that hurts," Baekhyun feigns offense, "but don't forget that you wouldn't have met him if I hadn't forced you to go there."

Joonmyun chuckles, realizing that there's no way to win against Baekhyun. "Fine. Thank you for that too."

Baekhyun places an arm around his shoulders. "I really do want you two to be happy together. Have fun!"

He leaves them, and Lu Han stays with Joonmyun until they arrive at the lobby. Joonmyun still has that grin on his face, shaking his head when he realizes how stupid he must look. Lu Han chuckles, handing him his bag silently.

"Be good," advises Lu Han. "Don't do stupid things without me."

"Isn't that my line?" teases Joonmyun, hitting Lu Han on the shoulder gently. "You be good too. I'll call every now and then if I have to."

"Don't," Lu Han tells him. "I want you to have a real vacation. You have nothing to worry about with me now."

Lu Han sends him off, grinning and waving as the car drives away. The walk back to his office is slow, deep in thought as he thinks of Joonmyun and his speech earlier. Many years have passed, and Lu Han is still in love with Yixing. He's _still_ in love with him.

That must mean something, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few years later, and Yixing's exhausted. He's old, and this job is tiring. He's dealt with enough stupid celebrities and self-righteous politicians and douchebags who only care about themselves.

Then there are the occasional clients that aren't complete idiots, and Yixing smiles at the thought of some of them.

Jongdae narrows his eyes at the smile on his face, and he drops an envelope in front of Yixing. He sees the seal of the President on the envelope, and his palms start to sweat. If Minseok found out about all the illegal things he's been doing for his clients, he's sure that he'll be pretty pissed.

When he tears open the envelope, he's surprised to see a personal, handwritten letter from Minseok.

_"Dear Mr. Zhang Yixing,_

_We've been friends for a few years now, so I think it's time I drop the formalities. You've been a great adviser to me, despite the history we've had since you were Lu Han's adviser before. Thank you for always telling me to do the right thing and also for being good at keeping secrets._

_As you know, Kyungsoo resigned as my chief of staff a few weeks ago. We didn't really plan it like this, but we're planning on getting married! We want a very private ceremony, as private and secretive as possible. It's not that we're ashamed of this relationship; we just don't want the entire nation tuning into our marriage._

_We have a really short guest list, but be honored since you're part of it. Kyungsoo and I would really love it if you came. If you're too busy and you can't make it, please be discreet about this. We really want this to be a secret between our closest friends._

_Thank you, Yixing, and I hope you can come on the day of the ceremony."_

Yixing's grinning as he finishes reading the letter. "It's about damn time," he murmurs to himself.

"What are you talking about?" Yixing hides the letter from Zitao's prying eyes. Zitao smirks at him, picking up the envelope to see where it came from. "Oh? Minseok wants something from you?"

Yixing snatches the envelope back from him and folds the paper neatly, placing it inside. "Leave me alone. Minseok's my good friend, and he's asking for a favor."

"Damn, I didn't think you were hot enough for even the president to _ask favors_ from you," teases Jongin. Everyone laughs, and Yixing hides his face behind his hands to hide how funny it is to think that Kyungsoo and Minseok are going to get married and the idiots that he works with are teasing him with Minseok.

"You idiot. We all know Minseok's with Kyungsoo, and Yixing can't compete against that guy," says Jongdae. Yixing narrows his eyes, slightly offended. "Come on, we all know that Kyungsoo's capable of killing someone in five seconds if they _breathe_ near Minseok. He's probably more effective than the Secret Service when it comes to protecting the President."

They all burst into laughter at that, and they acknowledge that it's probably the truth. Kyungsoo and Minseok have been together for years, and that's why Yixing's surprised that they're only getting married now. Then again, it is pretty weird for the chief-of-staff to marry the President, so maybe the resignation was a good idea.

Yixing hides the envelope within the secret compartment of his desk, careful to check if anyone's seen him. The only person who knows of the compartment is Jongdae, and that's only because Yixing's forced to tell him everything.

Within that drawer is a stack of letters from his mother, hidden and cared for so very well since it's the last connection he had with his family; a guitar pick that he found in a concert stadium, and he just assumed that it was his idol's so he kept it; a picture of him with Lu Han, standing in the doorway of their shared dorm room, grinning and leaning against each other.

Yixing stops, looks at that picture, and goes through the others in the pile.

There's a picture of Lu Han sleeping on a train, mouth slightly agape, eyelashes resting on his cheekbones; a picture of Yixing on the stage in his first songwriting competition, accepting the first place award and a signed guitar from a famous celebrity he can't seem to remember; a picture of Lu Han with a cat that they picked up on the street, grinning and holding it like a baby; a picture of Yixing with that cat, scrunching his face as it licks his cheek; a picture of Lu Han with his arms around Yixing's waist as Yixing takes the photo.

Yixing takes a deep breath. One day, he's going to have to clear out this drawer.

Time has passed. So much time has passed. He looks at Lu Han with a fondness that he can't explain, even if he thought he would still hate him even until now. But when he remembers that night before voting day two years ago, he only remembers the softness of Lu Han's fingers and the warmth of his palm against Yixing's. He doesn't remember their past, only the few good times that they had together.

Maybe that's what age does to you. It sheds a new light on everything you see.

Perhaps Lu Han's happier now, since he's not a big-shot senator anymore. Yixing never really said it out loud, but he always knew that politics wasn't for Lu Han. He knew that Lu Han was at his happiest when he saw the good effect of his actions directly instead of having to wait around and ask everyone to approve on whatever he wanted to do.

Lu Han was, and still is, a good person. It's the most admirable thing about him. Even if he has a tendency to break hearts, he's a good person, and Yixing can't deny that.

"Why are you smiling?" asks Jongdae, and Yixing shuts the compartment all of a sudden. Jongdae recognizes the sound and smirks. "What were you smiling at, then?"

"It was nothing," Yixing says flatly. "Go away."

Jongdae laughs, shaking his head as Yixing glares at him. "Don't even deny it, Yixing. We all know you're done with being angry."

 _And so what if I am? Does that really change much?_ Yixing wants to shout. Even if he isn't angry anymore, that doesn't mean he's going to crawl back into Lu Han's arms and wait to have his heart broken again. There are other things that he'd rather do, and one of them is to go back to work.

As soon as Yixing opens his laptop, the doorbell rings. Not everyone knows where the doorbell is, so they assume that it's a previous client. Sehun is staring at the surveillance monitors when Yixing passes by his little corner of the office. Yixing narrows his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" His voice takes on a dangerous tone. Sehun shakes his head, walking up to him and pushing him back slightly.

"I'll open the door. Go sit down or something." Sehun's being forceful, and that's a normal thing, so Yixing goes into the conference room. For some reason, even the rest of them seem tense. This isn't good.

Yixing faces all of them. "What's going on--"

"Yixing."

He stops at the sound of that voice. It's gotten softer over the years, but the tone is firm, strong. It reminds him of spring, of frantic nights and sleepy mornings, of long days when all they would do was talk and sleep, of a warm hand, fingers intertwined with his.

Hesitantly, Yixing turns around and faces Lu Han again, the first meeting after two years.

"Hi," Lu Han says carefully, as if he's afraid to set Yixing off or something like that. Yixing is still in disbelief because Lu Han is standing here, right here, in front of him. He feels himself shaking, but he's not entirely sure why.

"Lu Han." Yixing takes a deep breath. "What do you want?"

"I… well," Lu Han bites his lip, "I want a date."

Yixing snorts, sudden and ungraceful, but that's also what Lu Han's abrupt interruption of their day is like. Lu Han's beaming at him, not caring at all if the others are staring at them. The only one that really matters here is Lu Han.

And maybe Jongdae, since he seems to be getting a kick from the shocked look on Yixing's face and the shameless way that Lu Han just stands there.

"Go away, Lu Han. I'm sure you have more things to do than to go out with me." Yixing turns around, but Lu Han grabs his wrist. With a stern glare from Zitao and Jongin, Lu Han lets go, waiting for Yixing to face him again.

"What's stopping you from leaving me hanging? What's stopping you from being a complete ass like before?" asks Yixing, not ready to face Lu Han, unless he's strong enough to face a fear with a pretty face. The others give them some privacy, wanting them to sort this out on their own.

"Just give me one last chance, Yixing. This time, I'm back to being just a simple Lu Han. I'm not a young idiot who's afraid of commitment anymore." The confession forces Yixing to turn around; all this time, he thought he was the problem, even if it was always Lu Han.

"I miss you. I really do, and I think we both deserve another shot at this. I promise you that things will change, in a good way I hope." Yixing loves the earnestness in his voice, the firm way he speaks each and every word, as if he means them all. This time, things will change, and Yixing's starting to become sure of that.

"If I go out with you," Lu Han perks up at that, "we're going to start out as friends." Lu Han narrows his eyes. "No kissing, no touching, no googly eyes."

Lu Han snorts. "You sure about that?"

"I'm sure!" Yixing says strongly. "No couple-y things. None of the sort. We're just friends, _just_ friends," he repeats, just in case Lu Han decides to selectively forget that part.

Lu Han slides an arm around Yixing's waist and smirks. "Maybe… friends with benefits and lots of unresolved sexual tension?"

Yixing laughs and hits his arm until he pulls away. "Don't even-- let's go, Lu Han."

Lu Han grins, a new spark in his eyes, a new spark to his life, and it's on to the next chapter in their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on 23/10/2014 in [junfhongs @ lj](http://junfhongs.livejournal.com/30544.html)
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/amenochieien)!!!


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